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The essence of the relationship between people is only the exchange of interests.
Author: Insight Yangtuo
When I was younger, many people told me that as long as you are honest with others, a relationship will last longer.
But after years of working in society, I found out that this was not the case.
Throughout the ages, there are few people in this world who will treat you well just because you are sincere.
But most people will be willing to associate with you because it is "profitable".
Why?Let me start with a few stories.
The fierce general Duolonga was originally the hardcore of Zeng Guofan.
But after the Hunan army conquered Anqing, he immediately broke up with Zeng Guofan, without the slightest nostalgia.
Why is this so?
It turned out that during the attack on Anqing, Duolonga was responsible for fighting the rescue forces, fighting bloody every day.
Zeng Guofan's younger brother Zeng Guoquan was responsible for besieging Anqing, and there was no heavy ** in Anqing City, and his siege was fought with great ease.
But when he went to the city to break the ** reward, Zeng Guofan favored his younger brother in the report.
In the end, Zeng Guoquan was appointed as the political envoy of Jiangsu, and he was only one step away from the feudal officials.
Dorona, however, was only given the rank of Cloud Cavalry Captain, which was almost indistinguishable from before the war.
Zeng Guofan's eccentricity made Duolong's heart chill.
He saw no hope of coming out, so he switched to Guanwen, the governor of Huguang, and took over the military affairs of the northwest with the help of Guanwen.
In the end, Duolonga made great military achievements in the northwest, and the official reached the crown prince Taibao, and was able to be crowned a wife and a son.
Yu Qiuyu said: Talking about interests nakedly is closer to rationality.
Duolonga is willing to follow Zeng Guofan, hoping to show his ambitions in Zeng Guofan and compete for fame.
He was desperate for Zeng Guofan, but in the end he made a wedding dress for someone else, and he was indignant in his heart, so he naturally abandoned it.
You must know that between people, friendship is important, but interests are more important.
When vital interests are damaged, it is only a matter of time before they part ways.
Another story.
In the ninth year of the Song Dynasty, Mei Yaochen and Fan Zhongyan hit it off at first sight, and they became friends who forgot about the year.
Later, Fan Zhongyan was demoted several times, and Mei Yaochen sent relief and encouragement.
In the winter of 1033, Fan Zhongyan disagreed with the prime minister Lü Yijian, and was transferred to Muzhou.
Mei Yaochen sent Fan Zhongyan "Qingchi", persuading him not to fight with ** and the like, and let them make trouble.
Unexpectedly, a few years later, Fan Zhongyan condemned the autocratic power of Prime Minister Lu Yijian, and was driven farther to Raozhou.
Mei Yaochen, who was the magistrate of Jiande County in Chizhou at the time, was extremely indignant when he learned about it, and in the poem "Woodpecker", he compared Fan Zhongyan to a woodpecker that removes pests.
Fan Zhongyan was very moved after receiving it, and learned that Chizhou was not far from Raozhou, so he invited Mei Yaochen to his home many times.
The two cherish each other and have a very strong relationship. The banquet was staggered and happy.
But the good times did not last long, and in 1040, the imperial court reused Fan Zhongyan and sent him and the famous minister Han Qi as the deputy envoy of Shaanxi Economic Strategy to guard the northwest.
After Fan Zhongyan received the edict, he went to Shaanxi to take up his post and recommended friends to the imperial court.
In this recommended list, there are old friends such as Ouyang Xiu and Sun Mingfu, but there is no Mei Yaochen.
Mei Yaochen was unhappy and wrote to Fan Zhongyan, but Fan Zhongyan felt that although Mei Yaochen had a talent for poetry, he was still lacking in governance, so he did not respond.
Friend Ouyang Xiu also secretly demonstrated Zhongyan many times, hoping that he would bring people around him, but Fan Zhongyan still didn't know.
Mei Yaochen felt that Fan Zhongyan was ungrateful, and after writing several letters to no avail, he finally wrote a poem "Lingwu Houfu", broke off his friendship with Fan Zhongyan, and never corresponded again.
It has been said that once the demand is broken, the friendship will also end.
Come to think of it, it is.
The friendship between Fan Zhongyan and Mei Yaochen for more than ten years is not worth a clash of interests, not to mention you and me in reality.
When interacting with people, many times, it is to exchange what you have for what you want.
If you want benefits, you have to exchange benefits, and if you want value, you have to pay value.
If the two parties cannot satisfy each other, no matter how long the friendship is, it will no longer exist.
We often say that a good relationship is reciprocal.
And one of the most important points is the reciprocity of interests.
In this way, a relationship can last longer.
In 1991, the television industry was booming, and director Huang Shuqin, like many of her predecessors, was ready to enter the TV drama market.
In order to create high-quality works, many senior directors found Qian Zhongshu and wanted to buy the film and television rights of "The Siege".
But they were all rejected by Qian Zhongshu.
But when Huang Shuqin found Qian Zhongshu, Qian Zhongshu didn't say a word, and actually donated the film and television copyright of "The Siege" to Huang Shuqin.
It turned out that when Qian Zhongshu began to create "The Siege", his family was unable to make ends meet.
Just when life was difficult to continue, it was Huang Shuqin's father, Huang Zuolin, who took the initiative to find Yang Jiang.
He adopted Yang Jiang's script and paid her a high manuscript fee, which allowed Yang Jiang's family to tide over the difficulties.
When he learned that Huang Shuqin was the daughter of Huang Zuolin, Qian Zhongshu gave the copyright of "The Siege" to Huang Shuqin in return.
The friendship between the two families has also continued during this back and forth.
In the days that followed, the two sides kept in touch.
Qian Zhongshu and his wife are even more commensurate with Huang Shuqin as a virtuous niece, and the relationship is very close.
Writer Viviana said: Money and emotion are mutually reinforcing.
Interest is a kind of link, and the more interests in the exchange, the tighter the emotional **.
The so-called exchange of courtesies.
There is a give, there is a response, and mutual benefit and win-win results are maintained, and the relationship will naturally become deeper and deeper.
Someone once asked Mr. Ji Xianlin what was the greatest realization in his more than 80 years of life?
He sighed: "The world is hot and cold, ancient and modern. ”
In 1965, Ji Xianlin was sent to Nankou Village on the outskirts of Beijing as a deputy captain.
As soon as he returned to Yanyuan after finishing his work, he would be greeted by faculty members and students from the Department of Oriental Languages, shaking hands warmly and greeting him affectionately.
One of them is extremely close to Ji Xianlin, and he is designated as a "** person" by him.
But when he was put on trumped-up charges and sent to the cowshed for remodeling.
Seeing that Ji Xianlin could no longer bring benefits to himself, this master was the first to jump out and expose him, just to get a small black gauze hat for himself.
Other faculty members and students also joined the crowd of critics of him.
But he was later rehabilitated and restored to his former position.
At this time, one of the students who had participated in the criticism of him came to him again and wanted to ask him to recommend him by name.
For the events of that year, the students even came to apologize to Ji Xianlin in person.
Seeing this, the others suddenly hugged up again, and Ji Xianlin's family turned from a door to a guest door.
Writer Zhang Hongjie said: Man is too complex an animal, and its complexity sometimes makes human beings themselves jaw-dropping.
But I think this is the truest way for people to be, and the truest way for people to be with each other.
Don't blame friendship for not being able to offset benefits, and don't blame feelings for losing to humanity.
What has changed is people's hearts, and what has not changed is interests.
In many cases, there is no absolute good or bad, just take what you need.
Relationship Strategy" preached: The essence of the relationship between people is just the exchange of interests.
If there is no interest, no matter how strong the feelings and how good the relationship is, it will break down.
Instead of complaining about social reality and being cold, it is better to work hard to improve yourself and tap your own value.
When you have the ability to radiate more people, others will be attracted to you.
When you're "profitable," so will the relationships you want.
Give it a thumbs up and encourage your friends.