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Author: Insight Lao Cao.
Life is like a play, and the protagonist is only himself.
When do you need to prove yourself to others?
Not in any case.
As far back as I can remember, my kind and gentle mother never praised me.
Obviously, I am better than other people's children, I was admitted to 985, I have an iron rice bowl, I am obedient and well-behaved, I get married and have children.
I'm so good, why can't she praise me?
I feel like I've been exhausted for the first half of my life trying to prove myself to her.
When she was a child, she faced my report card that made my friends hate it, and just said lightly, keep it.
At work, she took the designer scarf I bought for her with my first month's salary, and just wore reading glasses and concentrated on finding threads.
After giving birth, she hugged her own grandson and laughed and said, this child does not look like his father, like his grandfather.
She was sick, and I took her to the hospital on leave, and stayed at the bedside all night long, but she always complained that the water was hot and the milk was cold.
I think in her mind I am a person who has achieved nothing and will never be approved by her.
Until one day, I helped her fix her phone and saw her chat history with her sisters.
In her chats with friends, I am a sensible, filial, and excellent child, and she even uses the word "handsome" that has nothing to do with me.
It turns out that the chat record is my gentle and kind mother!
I finally mustered up the courage to talk to my Chiser mother about the incident that had been bothering me for years, and she was shocked for a moment.
She always thought I was the best kid in the world, and that didn't need to be proven at all.
*Mr. Goes to a Psychiatrist" says: "There is no criticism stronger than self-criticism, and no judge is harsher than ourselves."
We always crave to be recognized and praised by others, but it is ourselves who often do not recognize us.
Those who love us don't need us to prove anything.
They don't care about our achievements in the worldly sense, but only about whether we can be ourselves, whether we can be happy, whether we can be happy.
When I was in elementary school, I brought a rotten apple to school, and people thought my family was poor, but they didn't know that my uncle was a fruit tree grower, and I just liked the smell of wine.
When I was in high school, I was very fat, and everyone thought I was only 1.6 meters, but one day I hit the door frame, which didn't change their impression of me, and they agreed that the door frame must be the wrong size.
There's a term in psychology called "stereotypes."
To the effect, you don't look down on me, I ask you why?
You say, there is no reason, just simply look down on it.
In fact, in this world, how can so many people care about us, and how many people are willing to take the time to understand us.
People who don't care about you often come to an arbitrary, point-by-point definition of our whole person because of a superficial phenomenon.
But it doesn't matter how others define us, what matters is how we define ourselves and how we face the doubts and denials of others.
If others question us, we are too busy to refute it, and we will be misinterpreted as petty;
If others deny us, we will be in a hurry to argue and be accused of being ungraceful;
If others misunderstand us, we can't wait to explain, and we will be slandered as weak-hearted.
Therefore, any outward proof is meaningless.
We can't control what other people think, and we can't control what they say or do.
Those who don't care about us shouldn't be the ones we care about.
We don't care what they think of us, and we don't care about proving anything to them.
Instead of struggling to prove ourselves and consume ourselves needlessly, we should set our sights on ourselves.
Live your life according to your own wishes, work towards your goals, and become the person you have in mind.
Mr. Yang Jiang once said: "If people are not on the same level, then no matter what you do, the other party will feel wrong." The so-called level is not social status, but the clarity of character and cognition. ”
A few days ago, Lao Wang received a ** from a high school classmate who had not been in touch for more than ten years, which reminded Lao Wang of those beautiful green years.
In the three years of high school, they were all very good friends, studying together, playing football together, eating together, and commuting to and from school together.
Later, when he graduated, Lao Wang was admitted to a prestigious university, and his old classmates fell off the list and entered the society.
Lao Wang felt that his classmates were not so snobbish and that their academic performance would not be an obstacle to friendship, and he always felt that they were still best friends.
With the changes in the environment and circumstances, the two people have neglected to keep in touch, and in the blink of an eye, more than ten years have passed.
Not surprisingly, the ** from the old classmate first greeted him, and then borrowed money.
Lao Wang believed him, but at that time, Lao Wang had just bought a house in a big city, and he really had no money on hand.
Lao Wang works in a bank, and he immediately thought that the unit was promoting a credit loan product, the interest rate is very low, and you can also pay interest first and then the principal, which is very cost-effective for emergency relief.
He began to enthusiastically introduce the product to his old classmates, and promised to personally help them improve the procedures.
Unexpectedly, the old classmate was not very happy, and hung up after saying a few words**, and no longer contacted Lao Wang.
When Lao Wang went home for the Chinese New Year, he heard from other classmates, and that classmate said everywhere that Lao Wang was not righteous, and if he didn't borrow money, he wouldn't borrow, and he had to sell loans to him to complete his tasks.
Lao Wang was surprised when he heard this, and the other classmates asked Lao Wang to explain to him.
Lao Wang smiled bitterly and shook his head, saying that there was no need for this.
In fact, the alienation between friends is not entirely due to the aggravation of time and space, but in most cases, it is the difference in cognition and the distance between levels.
As Mr. Yang Jiang said, people at different levels, he feels that what you do is wrong, so we don't have to bother to prove ourselves, what is wrong in his eyes is determined by cognition.
It is difficult for two people with different cognitive levels to find real resonance.
Talking to the frog at the bottom of the well about the vastness of the sky and the sea, it is not its fault that it does not understand, but our fault.
Cognition determines the level, and the level determines the height and width of life, and every life deserves to be respected, but it does not necessarily need to be recognized by each other.
When you get along with people at different levels, you don't need to prove yourself, you don't have to intersect, you don't have to bother, you can just be yourself.
There are as many kinds of interpersonal relationships as there are people's identities;
As many people as there are people who approve of you, there are as many people who deny and question you.
Don't worry too much.
Life is like a journey, why bother yourself;Life is like a play, and the protagonist is only himself.
Give it a thumbs up, being ourselves is already exhausting, so why waste time and energy trying to prove yourself to others