December 10th
When I came back to Shanghai from Jiangxi and sat down to write, it was already 12 o'clock in the evening.
I went back and forth in a hurry, chatted with you all afternoon, took you to talk to the teachers for more than an hour, and stayed up all night the night before, and had to catch the train at half past five in the morning, which was really physically and mentally exhausted and haggard.
Now that I'm old, not only do I have a terrible headache, I keep jumping suddenly, but after sitting in the car for a long time, even the sciatic nerve has begun to hurt, and after sitting for a long time, my butt will twist around uncomfortably.
Fortunately, the communication with you is quite smooth, which is enough to comfort the hard work of rushing.
After you got up on the 9th, you didn't want to go to your grandmother's house for dinner, so you simply cooked some noodles upstairs, and Aunt Yang Hong went up to call you, but she refused to come down. At 2 o'clock in the afternoon, when my grandfather and I entered the door, you were sleeping on the sofa, listless, with dark bags under your eyes, I don't know if you didn't sleep well last night, and when you saw me enter the door, you showed a trace of horror, probably didn't expect me to appear so quickly.
I calmly told you to get dressed, put away the luncheerry, fold the quilt and put it in the room, and then reflect on what mistakes you made and why you made such mistakes, and I will come back at 3 o'clock, and then we will have a good talk.
During this period, I went down with my grandfather to get the courier, and my grandfather went to find a bamboo branch, which will be used as a whip to punish you, I saw this bamboo branch and smiled slightly, thinking that when I was a child, it hurt very much on my body, and there was a time when I saw a bamboo branch with a shadow.
When I come back, I will communicate with you frankly, why is such a thing as prying the door so bad in the eyes of adults?Why doesn't it matter if you play with your phone, but it is so important to repeatedly violate class discipline and school rules?Why did you force Mr. Zeng to break in?Why do you want to keep the key to my room private?For the latter, it will destroy the foundation of trust between me and you, and it will also destroy the sense of security between us.
I gave you a few options: First, if you want to stay, apologize to all the teachers who have offended, and accept my whipping, I can continue to give you a chance, but I will confiscate all electronic products and computers and no longer give you to use, including pocket money. 2. Go to your mother or aunt, and I will bear your maintenance expenses. 3. Go to your grandparents' place, live with them, and don't have to go to school, but I will change the password at home, and you will not be allowed to come up in the future. Fourth, if you feel that the above choices are unfair, you can choose to wander by yourself, or you can choose to be independent by yourself, no matter when and where, the door of your grandparents' house will be opened for you, and your meal will be prepared and waiting for you to come back.
You are silent, covering your head with a hat in a down jacket, and you probably feel the same psychologically, trying to curl up and hide in the dark. I said lightly to tell you not to do this, I will not beat you or scold you, but I hope you face the problem like a man and make your own choices to solve it.
No matter what choice you make, I hope that you can be like a man in the future, dare to act, as long as you have done something, you will face it bravely, bear it bravely, and endure it silently, even if it is a big pain.
You will never grow up without going through pain, and without a little pain, everyone simply does not deserve to live.
This is my last piece of advice to you, I won't communicate with you again in the short term, because the act of hiding the key to my room has hurt me a lot, and it hurts me more than telling me to get out of the **.
You are silent, I don't interrupt the process, I even encourage you to go to your room to think and give me an answer before 5 o'clock. My grandfather and I chatted, smoked, and drank tea in the living room, slowly waiting for your choice.
I'm apprehensive, but I know you don't have many options, and if you make the latter choice, then that's fine, wandering for a while is considered a grind, and I have to learn to accept and experience this pain before you.
After you came out and made a choice to stay, to be honest, I was relieved, even if I was so calm with you, but my heart was always uneasy, I pretended to be useless and continued to ask you, if you choose to stay, it means to accept punishment, accept that you can't use electronic products, accept that you can't deceive and coax anymore, can you do it?
You said yes, but the drum kit still wants to continue learning, and has also made a request, if the final exam results meet the requirements, I hope to return the phone to you.
I stared at you, weighed it for a moment, and said, okay, as long as you can change, I can give you my phone back during the winter break.
Next, we agreed on the specific punishment of the number of whippings, a total of 10 whips, 2 times to pry the door, 2 times to turn things up, 2 times to kick the door, 2 times to hide the key, to run around without saying hello to Aunt Yang Hong and not to do physical homework, a total of 10 times.
At this time, my grandmother also came up, and she was in tears when she mentioned you, but I was not allowed to beat you, for fear that I would break you, my left palm was broken, and there was no weight in the hand, and she babbled a lot, loving and stern.
I ignored her and let you into the room and take off your pants, I picked up the whip and whipped it three times in a row, and in a moment you began to wail, I probably didn't expect it to be so painful, I knew that the taste of piercing the heart, like a sharp stimulus like fire, can briefly blank the brain.
I started very hard and didn't spare any effort. As I said, as long as I do it, I will do it seriously, and I will not let you go out of pity or mercy.
I stopped and asked you, you can choose to give up and make a new choice.
You gasped and sizzled, tears welled up in your eyes, but you shook your head, not even wanting to waste the strength to speak, and motioned for me to close the door of your room so that Grandma would not see it.
The fourth whip goes down, on top of the old red and swollen scars on your buttocks, and you roll around on the bed, wailing loudly. I ask you, why don't you choose again, I don't think you can stand it at all.
You stubbornly shook your head, gasped, and after a while, you automatically fell down again, and I was not polite, but the fifth whip went down again, and rolled you on the bed again.
This time I didn't ask you, just looked at you.
After a while, you calmed down the irritation of the pain a little, and rolled over and fell down obediently.
Well, I didn't fight instead. The remaining five lashes are stored for the time being, and we'll see how you do later.
In fact, I can't bear it, and I don't want to fight anymore, punishment is never my goal, and the venting of emotions has already been released last night, and I have repeatedly thought all night, what should I do, what should you do.
I asked my grandfather to give you some medicine, and although this flesh wound was painful, it subsided quickly.
When eating, you can only eat standing up, and it probably hurts when your butt touches the stool.
At 7 o'clock in the evening, I will take you to the school to talk to the teachers, including Teacher Lan, Teacher Zeng and Huang Xiaozhu from the school's Moral Education Department, and later the director of the life department and Teacher Yuan also came over.
In the eyes of all **, they know the viciousness of this kind of thing, and if it is not corrected, it will become the beginning of sliding into the abyss. For your own selfish interests, you can pry the door, then next, what you can't get, it is possible to steal, rob, and plunder, because of the loss of emotional control, there is no courage to face mistakes, then you will be more indulgent of your own mentality, escape will become the best path of dependence, obsession with mobile phones, even if adults help you control, you may ask your classmates to play, steal to play, and in the end it will become an obsession, resenting the whole world and everyone.
You get up and bow three times, apologize to the teacher, and promise not to do this in the future, and you will definitely abide by the class discipline and school rules. If you bring your mobile phone back to school, then you will accept the result of persuasion.
Huang Xiaozhu is a very familiar friend, so there is naturally a tacit understanding in the talks, we all know that giving you more pressure is to make you have a deeper awe, which can be transformed into your motivation to some extent and become a kind of vigilance. I told you about the wild horse effect, and I couldn't help but feel a little sad when I thought of it as an animal instinct in my previous article, but now it is a phenomenon to be inculcated.
But as far as your personality is concerned, what I am most worried about is that you will not be able to control your emotions in the future and become a self-destructive wild horse, all external factors will not have a fatal impact on the strong person inside, but the loss of control of emotions will make you lose yourself for a while.
And what a terrible thing it is to lose yourself.
You honestly admitted the purchase of the mobile phone from JD.com, and replaced the PHS card on the second-hand mobile phone, so that you could get meager traffic, and the reason why you pried the door that day was because Aunt Yang Hong was waiting, and you were in a hurry, so you did something impulsive, but after doing it, you regretted it, and you were afraid.
Huang Xiaozhu asked you, can you still control your desire for mobile phones in the future?
You're also honest, no.
Hearing this, I felt a little happy in my heart, but I didn't express my opinion, and explained the situation at home to the teachers: I came back from Shanghai every two weeks, and the pocket money I gave you every month, the mobile phone I bought for you, the classes I bought for you, and the abundance of credit cards and snacks were all to relieve the teacher's understanding of your situation, but these words are more for you, so that you can understand that this superiority is a characteristic, and this characteristic has become connivance at your age.
Huang Xiaozhu went out to talk with me outside, although he won't inform you of the punishment of the whole school, so this time it's over. But she suggested that I take you back at night, to make you feel scared and worried that the school might expel you, and to make you think deeply and not to stay in a noisy environment. The third is home-school education, the important thing is in the family, the family is always his backing, and feeling the warmth of home and the care of relatives is far easier to reach than his self-realization.
I think so.
On the way home, you told me that you won't play games anymore, but Genshin Impact and Honkai have some daily tasks to do, can I help?
There's no problem with that, I like your pleas for help.
I found Zhao Dong and asked him to log in to your two game accounts every day, help you practice for an hour every day, and complete the required tasks you specified, but you have to pay 800 yuan per month for the boosting fee.
I originally thought that you had been hiding your phone for a long, long time, probably at the beginning of the year, but after looking at it, you actually bought the phone on December 5th, and if you have used it for the past two days, your scheming is not as deep as I guessed before, and you are not as terrible as I imagined.
I can imagine why you pried the door at that time, it is estimated that the child's mind is simple, just thinking about finding his belongings, and there are not too many thoughts, when you sit in the room and refuse to open the door, you actually know the fault in your heart, but because of the emotional collapse and become scared and subconsciously curl up like a hedgehog.
I can also understand the situation where you hide the key to my room, hide from Aunt Yang Hong, and be addicted to games and can't control yourself, many things are taken for granted in the child's mind, so I don't have too much awareness, just thinking about the present, just thinking about greed.
When I have established logic in every situation and mentality, I feel that things are not as bad as I imagined, and I thought that you were out of control, bold, and fearless, so my heart was full of anger, and even more full of regret, and I was afraid that all the thoughts poured into you would become the shackles you wanted to break free, and if from this point of view, transgression beyond age would become a very, very terrible thing.
I even became happy because of this, and felt sorry for the wounds that lashed you.
However, the prohibition of mobile phones and other freedoms is also taking this opportunity to be strict, if it can become the driving force for your transformation, then the hard work is not in vain, until the focus of learning returns, until you grow up slowly, you will eventually have your own freedom.
After the final exam, I think I should be able to give you my phone back.
I look back at the whole process of the whole thing, and think carefully about the three-day process as a complete closed loop.
All the situations that I thought I couldn't understand, that you might be so bad and lawless, that you had an extreme ego, turned out to be a false alarm.
After all, you are just a child, and you are still looking at the world through the eyes of a child.
What the child means is, in fact, you don't know too much truth, and you won't have too much self-restraint, so that you can learn self-discipline, enjoy freedom, let you control your emotions, learn moderation, let you conform to the rules, understand the reason, these are all wishful thinking of adults, at your age, the biological ontology of adolescence, is often uncontrolled, and many times likes to be reckless, and I can't consistently think that it is out of control.
I should put myself in your shoes, and behind every encounter, I should see the logic and mentality that the event can establish, and make a deeper analysis of each subtle state of mind, rather than using emotions about the consequences of things, in my imagination you have another dark side that I don't know.
Although this dark side is the scariest thing that makes all parents feel the most.
This requires more introspection, and of course I am willing to do so.
However, I also believe that in this process, the more you give, the more you will achieve in the future, and this is a process of mutual achievement, both for you and for me.