Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to the "Joke Collection" (Attached: I wish you all a Happy New Year!）
Hang out with a few buddies today.
One buddy said, "Brother, why are you tired of smacking dogs, like dementia?"“
I replied, "Well, you can all call me a dumb brother." “
My friend didn't think about it, so he called, "Stay brother." “
I immediately regained my senses and responded, "Well, my son is good." “
After my friend reacted for a long time, he chased me all over the street.
Huh?Stay brother, stay brother ......Dad, that's not what dad meant, hahaha, no wonder the streets are chasing you and fighting!）
When playing mahjong, the proprietress said that it was almost the New Year, homesick, and she missed the green onions in her hometown, and the dipping sauce was a delicacy in the world, and she could eat three in one breath in her hometown.
Two female colleagues echoed and said: "Good appetite, good health, no delicacies of the mountains and seas can compare to the taste of hometown" ......
I'm a big man, I've been fighting on the battlefield for decades, and I've had a good time, and I really can't say these words, so I dismantled the two, three, and four cylinders, and silently made a three-cake sheet.
The proprietress immediately shouted, "Hu!."”
Oops, brother, you're such a sycophant genius！This green onion cake doesn't want the proprietress to eat, and even the two, three or four tubes are disassembled and fed!）
Let's see if you dare to drink next time!
My husband went to drink, and when I came home drunk at night, I was very angry, but I couldn't help but get angry at a drunk, so I put lipstick on myself, and then kissed my sleeping husband on the neck and face several times.
The next day, when my husband woke up, I started arguing with him and asking him where he had been yesterday.
When the mother-in-law heard the voice, she came to persuade her, and when she saw the lipstick mark on her son's face, she was slapped in the face.
For the next few days, my husband was trying to remember what he was doing that night when he was drunk!
When I was in college, my sister fell out of love and wanted to die, and then in order to comfort her, I said that the boy was useless, and the scumbag was a ......
Then my sister was in a much better mood when she heard me like this.
At that time, I also felt that as her bosom sister, I was very satisfied with this successful persuasion...
As a result, the next day, when I saw them appear in front of me holding hands, I really wanted to find a crack in the ground to get into.
Do you think she'll sue her boyfriend?
The principal was passing by the back door of the school one day and suddenly heard a sentence: "I want to take the Oxford exam!"”
The principal was immediately moved, he didn't expect that there were such aspiring young people in their school, and decided to see who it was
Suddenly, I heard another sentence: ".Bring me two more strings of big waists!
My desktop computer has been broken for over a year, kept plugged in, and suddenly it turned on!It scared me a lot, only to see the computer manager slowly popping up:Your computer has been powered on for a year and four months, beating %0 computers in the country
Go to the Yindu Hotel for dinner, the beautiful waitress is shaking it on WeChat, and the goods immediately began to pick up the mobile phone to shake, and it was really added, and the buddy asked on WeChat: "Beauty, are you free?".”
The waitress replied, "Yes!."”
The buddy replied again: "Why don't you hurry up and get me a spoon when you are free, I called the waiter eight times, and no one paid attention to me, how can I drink this soup?."”
The first time I went to the driving school, the instructor said to me, "Two years ago, two people came to our driving school, and they couldn't drive well, so we all told them to release the handbrake and Osa steer. I hope you don't become the next Japanese. “
However, a month later, why did everyone call me: "Cai Xia Lihe?".“
The first time I went to my girlfriend's house to meet my parents, my girlfriend went to help out in the kitchen.
After a brief introduction, her father said, "Let's play a game of chess, young man." ”
I said, "Uncle, yes." ”
I couldn't find the cart after setting up the chessboard, and her father calmly said, "Where's your horse and cart, young man?"”
I don't think it's that simple!But who am I?So he calmly said to the prospective father-in-law: "Uncle, it's okay, no horse and cart are the same, as long as the artillery is good, you can still win." ”
As soon as I finished speaking, the prospective old man smiled slightly after hearing this, and smashed down on my head and face with a chessboard...
A girl was holding a cup of milk tea, and when she passed the security check, the security officer pointed to the milk tea and said to the girl: "Take a sip." ”
The girl was not happy at the time, and said to the security uncle: "Don't give it, I want to drink it and buy it myself." ”
The security inspector stomped his feet angrily on the spot!
Especially when taking the high-speed rail, as long as you find that you are carrying liquids and the like, you only need to take a sip on the spot or open it to take a look, in October, there are two big brothers who brought a bottle of Wuliangye on the high-speed rail, but the staff said that they were not allowed to carry, and the two big brothers opened the wine bottle on the spot and drank it all!）
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