Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to the "Joke Collection" (Attached: I wish you all a Happy New Year!）
One day, a few buddies met for tea, and one of them told us a joke. I thought to myself, isn't this the story of the old king next door?So I hurried home.
When I got home, I rushed through the door and immediately told my wife a joke: "Do you know why our butts are split in half vertically instead of horizontally?"- Because if you divide horizontally, you will hear applause when you go downstairs. ”
As a result, my wife couldn't help but laugh, but a man's laughter came from the other bedroom, and I was immediately angry, picked up the broom and went straight to the room to see who this old king wasWhen I opened the door, I was dumbfounded: "Dad, when are you coming back?"”
At that time, my father-in-law saw that I was angry, so he said, "It seems that my son-in-law welcomes me?"”
At that time, I was embarrassed, and quickly explained to my father-in-law: "Dad, it's not what you think, I'm here to clean up." ”
Haha, I'm laughing to death!）
The old man continued: ".If you tell me a few more jokes, I'll forgive you, you just told that joke and laughed at me, what's it called?
I looked at my father-in-law speechlessly and said, "Dad, that's a hilarious joke."The jokes he says are a must-seeThere are not only laughs, but also life events, if you like it, you can follow him. ”
One day, my girlfriend complained to me about her boyfriend.
My girlfriend said, "My boyfriend is very small, it seems to be the size of toothpaste."
I said, "That's a good idea of toothpaste."”
My girlfriend said, "Have you ever seen the toothpaste in the hotel?"”
It made me laugh so much that my stomach hurt!
Dancing in the discotheque, a man sticks to a woman and says, "Marry me, honey." ＂
The woman said, "I want you to marry me in a sedan chair." ＂
Then the man ran away, and after a while a waiter came running and said, "Miss, there's a gentleman at the bar shouting that he wants to marry you." “
Huh?What kind of operation is this, eight sedan chairs to marry me, and a gentleman shouted at the bar that he wanted to marry you?）
Hahaha, eight sedan chairs to marry me, the bar shouted "marry me", laughing at me.
I said to my girlfriend who had just met, "We've known each other for more than ten days, do you think our relationship can go further?"”
She said, 'How can I go further?'”
I said to her, 'I want to taste your saliva.' “
She said, "Okay, no problem!."And then spit in my face!
Singles Song. One person consumes, no drag, independent, clapping, no sweeping, no stacking, no verbosity, no kneeling, no look, no fear, no noise, no tears, all income, at their own disposal, spending money chicly, absolutely, friends get together, talk nonsense, participate in dinners, satisfy the stomach, can eat and be hungry, can drink and get drunk, can love and hate, can stay up and sleep, surf the Internet day and night, chat with girls, flirt and scold, be bold, make moves again and again, frequent dating, hug and kiss, no taboos, running around tired, physically and mentally exhausted, do my own thing, no regrets, life is short, freedom is precious, single is good, long live single！
Me: "Do you think my new clothes look good?"”
Girlfriend: "Wow, you don't go with such a beautiful dress."The whole volumeDo you want to match it?”
I was speechless for a moment.
Girlfriend: "I'm kidding, hehehe, but you're really average, and you definitely don't look as good as me."Or you can send me to wear it for a few days, and you will wear it when it looks good!
I wanted to strangle her to death.
My wife has been pregnant for four months, and she has been vomiting strongly these days, so she comforted her and said, "Be strong, you are our baby now!".“
The wife said coldly: "I feel that what is in my stomach is your baby, and I am a treasure box." “
Husband: "What are you going to do in your next life?"”
Wife: "I want to be a fish and swim freely." ”
The wife asked her husband, "What about you?"”
Husband: "I'll be the one who catches fish, and I'll catch you and raise you well." ”
Wife: "But how do you know which one is me?"”
Husband: "Just catch the fattest one." Wife: "....
Mother: "Son, come here, come over and teach you how to pick up girls." Aren't all little girls like warm men now!”
Son: "Hmm!."It seems to be. ”
Mother: "So you have to be a warm man!."In this case, there will be a lot of girls who like you. ”
Son: "Hmm!."I must be a warm man!”
Mother: "Come on, come on, the first step is to put on your autumn pants first!".Son: "....
There was a classmate who couldn't do laundry, but he wanted to stay, and his socks should at least be washed, so he took the basin of water, put the socks in it, poured some washing powder, squatted in front of the basin and began to use his index finger to turn three times clockwise, three times counterclockwise, and repeat in turn. Another of their classmates came in and saw it and asked, "What are you doing here?"”
The classmate said disdainfully, "Didn't you see me washing my socks?" ”
The Northeast classmate said: "You call this sock washing." Where did you wash it like that? Who taught you?”
Here's the point. The joke said, "I see that my washing machine turns like this." ”
What a Lord who grew up with a spoon of golden keys in his mouth!
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