Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to the "Joke Collection" (Attached: I wish you all a Happy New Year!）
One day in the psychiatric hospital, the director gave a physical examination to the patients, and the doctor said, "You should line up and take urine tests, blood tests, stool tests, and so on."
After a while, a mentally ill person came to the dean and said, "Dean, I have swallowed blood and urine, but I can't swallow my stool, can you tell the medical examiner to swallow less!".“
At that time, the dean was so angry that he said: "This patient is getting older and older!."“
I've been talking to my girlfriend for almost a week, and I asked her, "Would you like to be my wife?"”
She hesitated for a moment and said, "When your wife wants to do the laundry?"”
I replied, "Yes." ”
She asked, "Do you want to wash the dishes and do the housework?"”
I replied, "Yes, but I'll help." ”
She said with a depressed face: "Then I don't want it, I want to be a junior, just take a bath." ”
I'm dripping motherfuck!I'm laughing to death! 」
I used to work with four or five fellow villagers in other places to do water and electricity, and I often drank together and worshiped my brothers.
I have a girlfriend I met from playing games online and have been dating for 2 years, but I have never met each other's parents. I went home the day before yesterday, prepared some gifts, and planned to go to my girlfriend's house to talk about the engagement. As soon as he entered the door, he found that his father-in-law was his sworn brother.
At the end of the wine table, I picked up a full glass of wine, and said to my former eldest brother in front of my parents and girlfriends, as well as local uncles and auntsBig brother, this is the last time I call you big brother, from then on our brotherhood will be severed, and you will be my father in the future.
Haha, and a little bit of a smile, it's funny
Me: "Doctor, my foot hurts, you can help me take care of it." ”
The doctor looked at it, pinched it and said, "Call Mom (Is your foot numb)?."”
I looked at it in amazement, and the doctor continued, "Are your feet numb?".”
I blushed: "Mom".
Doctor: "I'm asking if my feet are numb?"”
A gambler took 1,000 francs from home to gamble, and a few hours later he returned.
The wife hurriedly asked, "Did that big ticket give birth to a child?"”
Gave birth to ......Gave birth to ......The gambler took out two 10-franc bills from his pocket, wept and said, "Unfortunately, their mother has died." ”
Look at the world of faces!
My friend and his brother are selling fast food near the construction site, and the business is so bad that it can't work!Later, he changed his wife and his eighteen-year-old *** to sell, and the row was long, Nima had the same taste, the same price, and the same burned, and they all said that his wife and *** sold delicious ..I really want to, phew!A bunch of stinky shameless ones, myself included!
You: "How much do you earn a year?".“
Me: "960,000." “
You: "That's 80,000 a month!."“
Me: "Yes, that's my base salary. “
You: "Yes, what are you doing?"“
Me: "Dreaming ......."“
Xiao He: "I wish everyone's dreams come true in 2024!!."“
My girlfriend visited my home for the first time yesterday and asked me what my father's zodiac was during dinner.
I said, "It's the toughest in the zodiac!."Guess what?”
The second girlfriend didn't even think about it and replied directly: "Donkey!."”
Then I saw the old man's face blushing, and everyone else at the table was directly suffocated to internal injuries!
Girlfriend: "What the hell is that?".”
Me: "Let me guess again?".”
As a result, his girlfriend replied: "Leopard, it must be a leopard, they all said that the sauce exploded, and the leopard was ......."”
I saw that the old man had a blue face, and everyone else at the table was directly suffocated!
I drove a taxi, just pulled a drunk sister, I told her to the place, taxi money 20 yuan.
The eldest sister said in a daze: "What kind of taxi money, besides, I will smash the car for you." “
As soon as I thought that she was drunk, I didn't bother with her, and said to her, "Sister, are you happy to drink today?"“
The eldest sister said, "Happy." “
Me: "It's good that the eldest sister is happy to drink, 100 yuan for dinner today, eldest sister, you must not rush to pay with me." “
The eldest sister said, ".I'm happy, how can you please give 100 yuan for this meal!
The plane was about to land, and the stewardess said to the passengers, "To help reduce the pressure on your eardrums, use chewing gum." ”
After the plane landed, Uncle Yi found the stewardess and said, "Your method is so good, I don't feel it in my ears at all." ”
The stewardess said, "Really?".That's great. ”
The uncle continued, "But can you tell me how to get the gum out of my ears?"”
Uncle is really uncle, sifting ears with chewing gum!」
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