Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to the "Joke Collection" (Attached: I wish you all a Happy New Year!）
There was a person who went to buy a car, and the price of the car was 80,000 yuan. He searched all over his body and found 79,998 yuan, a difference of two yuan. He saw a beggar in front of the shop, so he went to the beggar and said, "Please, give me two yuan, I have to buy a car."
The beggar took out 4 yuan very formally, handed it to him and said:Buy one for me
The New Year's Eve dinner, uncles, aunts, grandparents sat at a big table!
The third grandmother couldn't get up in bed because she lived far away, her memory was not good, and she couldn't get up in bed, so she got food and fed her!
After half an hour of busy soup and water, I told the third grandmother that I was going back!
At this time, the third grandmother looked up at me and asked, "Who are you?"“
Me: "Qing'er!."”
She: ".FatI don't even recognize ......”
I was having dinner with my girlfriend that day, and as soon as the noodles were served, I saw my girlfriend lifting her buttocks, so I asked her, "What are you doing?""As soon as the words came out, it felt inappropriate, the girl must have farted when she raised her ass, and I asked.
The girlfriend smiled lightly: "It's nothing, straighten out the skirt".
Oh!"It seems that I have thought too much, and when I picked up the noodles with my chopsticks with confidence, the sour smell came to my face......
In the public toilet, I suddenly heard someone in the toilet talking: "Dude, do you have any tissues?"”
I rummaged through my pockets: "Sorry, no. ”
After a few seconds, the man asked, "Is there a small piece of newspaper?"”
I smiled helplessly: "I'm sorry, no, I'm just here to pee." ”
After a few more seconds, a 10 yuan piece was stuffed into the crack of the toilet door: "Can you help me change it to 10 pieces for 1 yuan?"”
I handed the money over, and a roar came from the bathroom: ".Don't give me ten coins!
When I was in college, I chased a girl and confessed several times, but to no avail.
Later, the girl texted me to go to the park on the weekend, and I was so excited that I didn't sleep well at night.
I was invited to the Yellow River Park on the weekend, and after walking for a while, the girl said:"There's something I've always wanted to say to you...."
I was so excited, I thought there was a drama in this matter, so I said:"You say, I'll listen. "
Then she told me:"I've also seen the Yellow River, this time I'm dead, right?"
My son watched the TV series "Journey to the West", and in the episode of Zhu Bajie's daughter-in-law, I suddenly thought of a riddle of Zhu Bajie.
Me: "Son, mom will give you a riddle, guess who it is." ”
Son: "Okay!."”
Me: "Listen up, the fat head, big ears and round belly, it's not easy to be the second in line." Seeing beautiful women smiling, they don't like to work and like money. Guess a character!”
Son: "It's my dad!."”
Me: "I'll go, if it weren't for your little cub reminding me, I really wouldn't think your dad is so virtuous!."”
Giving birth to a daughter, there are many choices in the future, you can be a beautiful legal woman, you can be an angel in white, and you can be a housewife......
And there is only one choice for having a boy:Be self-reliant
When I was in high school, the goddess sat next to me, and I couldn't help but want to fart, so I shook my ass back and forth on the seat, intending to grind the fart and quietly release it, I thought I had succeeded, but the goddess said to me, "You just let out dozens of farts, right?".It's better to have a quick meal!“
Ever listened to the most humorous conversation between father and daughter.
The father said to his daughter, "If a child bullies you, call him in the face with a shovel." ”
The daughter asked, "But, Dad, I'm a girl."
Dad said, "You can use a pink shovel." ”
Not long ago, there were many incidents of school bullying every day, in fact, every student must learn to protect themselves, especially female classmates.
Once I went out on a trip with my girlfriend, I booked an Internet celebrity hotel. As soon as I entered, my girlfriend was turning around, and after a while, I asked curiously, "What are you looking for?"”
Girlfriend: "I'll check if there's a security camera in the room."
Me: "Even if there is, people are very hidden."
After looking for a long time.
My girlfriend suddenly said, "Hey, someone, please put me in the pure girl area on campus?".”
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