Text|Tang Sugar
Let's start with the conclusion. Do primary school grades matter?A: It's not important, at least not as important as parents think, and the grades in primary school are very deceptive.
First, let's talk about why grades in primary school are not so important
The main reason is because life or study is essentially a marathon, not a 200-meter sprint. Good grades in primary school mean that you are far ahead at the beginning of running, but it is difficult to say how long this momentum will last. On the other hand, the track in elementary school is similar to a short straight track with no technical content, and it has not encountered curves and obstacles behind, so good grades in primary school do not mean anything.
For the long learning curve, the curves are more noteworthy. Anyone who has watched a running race knows that the overtaking that changes the position on the field usually occurs in the cornering stage. Children's learning is the same, at every bend, there will be some people gradually falling behind, and some people will complete the surpassing. The longer the distance of the track, the greater the variables and the more obvious the gap. In a narrow sense, in terms of the time period from "elementary school to high school", the so-called curve has several key time nodes, namely the third grade, the second year of junior high school, and the second year of high school.
Of course, that's not to say that grades in primary school aren't important. The biggest significance of primary school grades is not the grades themselves, but that good grades will bring children a positive feeling about learning, they are more likely to build self-confidence in learning, and this self-confidence may extend to all aspects of life, and gradually become a part of the personality, in addition, children with good grades are relatively easier to maintain interest in learning and have a deeper desire to explore knowledge. Once this continuous positive feedback is established, it adds up to time and has a huge compounding effect – children become more confident and interested in learning, and are far ahead along the way.
However, this situation is a minority after all, and it is also a relatively idealized situation, and most of our children are still Puwa. Compared with being far ahead, driving high and walking low or overtaking in corners is more valuable.
The third problem, grades in elementary school, is very deceptive.
The so-called deceptiveness does not refer to the result itself, but to the path to obtain this result (good score), which is highly deceptive. If parents can't have a clear understanding of this issue, there will be self-deception, taking good grades as a natural advantage, overestimating their children's abilities, setting unrealistic goals and tasks for their children, and crazy chicken babies, causing children to be tired of school.
In primary school, children can achieve good grades, ** in the following three pathways::
First, the leading input of parents.
Many parents uphold the belief that they must lay a good foundation for their children from an early age, and invest a lot of time and energy in their children's learning from the beginning of primary school - accompanying their children to write homework, urging their children to review and preview, making task cards and study plans for their children, and helping their children sort out their mistakes. With the continuous efforts of parents, children's academic performance is generally good.
Second, the child's own energy invested in learning.
The child himself works hard in his studies and invests more energy and time.
Third, it is related to the early development of the child's own intelligence.
Some children with early intellectual development, or early parental enlightenment, will show greater advantages when dealing with simpler knowledge in primary school, and this kind of performance will also appear to be better.
The problem is that none of these paths to good results are sustainable. When it takes a long time, it will show weak stamina and obvious problems.
First of all, the dominant investment of parents will make children "lazy".
Parents are in the driver's seat in the learning process, and children are bound to be in a "passive" position. Over time, children increasingly lack the initiative to learn, especially the ability to think independently. As the child grows older and the child's autonomy improves, this method will become more and more ineffective, and even cause the child's disgust and rebellion.
In my work, I have come into contact with many children of this type, and the typical characteristics of these children are that they are more obedient when they are young, and their grades are not bad. With the increase of academic burden, the later they go, the weaker their ability to cope with studies and exams, their grades deteriorate, and their self-confidence is also hit, coupled with the anxiety and blame and pressure of their parents, they begin to show boredom with learning in junior high school, and their grades drop significantly.
If you observe the families of such children, you will find that most of them have an extremely worried parent, take care of their lives in every detail, and pay close attention to their children's studies and hobbies since childhood.
The good results brought by the second way are tantamount to doing your best at the beginning of running a marathon, which naturally cannot last for a long time. The crux of the question is why some children show full commitment to their studies in primary school
According to my observation, most of these children have the characteristics of perfectionism that are extremely self-demanding, and they are more likely to be pandering or fearful of their parents. To put it simply, good learning is the only value of this kind of children, they will only get the attention and praise of their parents when their academic performance is good, and their self-worth is basically only based on academic performance, so they will show hard work and obedient efforts.
This phenomenon is also very confusing, because most parents like "obedient and sensible" children, and if children do not have to worry about their own learning, it will make many parents proud. Therefore, it is necessary for parents to distinguish the essence behind the phenomenon - there is no need to worry about it, because the child is very interested in learning, has strong autonomy in learning, can find suitable learning methods, has good adaptability, or I said that there is a world of difference between building one's own value on grades.
The third scenario brings a far lead, which looks even more unreliable. As we all know, children's physical, intellectual and psychological development levels are not the same, there are early and late, if there are children who get good grades because of early development, then this good score is actually a lack of a solid foundation. When other children's intellectual development catches up, this advantage will soon cease to exist, and children who fall into the cognitive trap of "I'm smart, I can't be bad" will replace effort with "rotten" in order to maintain a weak narcissism.
Some children who come into contact with them at work belong to this category, they are more intelligent, and they have a glorious history in primary school, but this brilliance cannot be replicated in the subsequent learning career, but has become a shackle for them to set limits on themselves, causing them a serious psychological burden.
To sum up, in primary school, children's grades are not so important, and if the child's grades are good, parents should pay more attention to what is behind this good grade?And don't be overly optimistic and think that everything is fine.
So the question is, if grades in primary school are not that important, then what is important?
The answer is that a child's feelings about learning are 10,000 times more important than grades.
A friend of mine had just started the first grade, and she was so angry that she burned her child's homework book. I advised her, "Don't spoil your child's interest in learning, it's much more important than doing a few oral arithmetic cards and being able to write a few pinyin." ”
Children who can always be far ahead are children who have a good feeling about learning, and they feel fulfillment, a sense of value, and the joy of exploration in learning, so as to enter a virtuous circle of learning. Most families, however, inadvertently disrupt their children's perception of learning.
The children I have met who have difficulty in learning have all had their feelings of learning ruined. In the final analysis, school boredom is just a symptom, behind which is the breakdown of the parent-child relationship, the destruction of the child's self-confidence and the lack of security.
Just imagine, if the child can't finish his homework, the parents will sigh for a long time, sighing that the child's life is over, can the child not be stressed?
When the child writes homework, the speed of understanding is a little slower, and the parents are furious, and the emotions are out of control, so can the child have a sense of security?
If the child's grades are not good, the parents will be crazy about the chicken baby, leaving countless homework for the child every day, can the child not be disgusted with learning?
In fact, this is a very simple truth, for example, if you don't like to eat stinky tofu and you feel disgusted when you smell it, can you still participate in the stinky tofu eating competition?Even if you see a stinky tofu stall on the side of the road, you have to walk around. Learning is the same, if the child has a poor experience in the process of learning, then learning is equivalent to stinky tofu for the child.
If a child's natural enthusiasm for learning is worn out in primary school, then in junior high school and high school, it will definitely fall behind, but some children who may have average grades in primary school, but have a higher degree of freedom, may accumulate energy and find a learning path in exploration, and when their sense of autonomy in learning is stimulated, then it is not uncommon to overtake in corners.
end-Tang sugar.
National Level 2 Psychological Counselor |15w fan psychology blogger on the whole network.
Published "Being an Emotionally Stable Parent: You Are Your Child's Family of Origin".
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Topic: Personal Growth|Homeschooling|Gender relations.