Hello friends, I'm Kaka.
A post-80s mother who heals her life with reading and writing.
Li Xiaoyi, the founder of "A Woman with a Scented Soul", talked about her three most collapsed things in 2023 in a recent **, including the whole family is yang, busy with the release of new books, preparing for meetings, etc.
Collapse is what everyone has.
In the night when no one is around, in the face of sudden accidents, in the face of sudden breakthroughs, our strength seems so fragile and vulnerable.
And we often don't want to mention it, in fact, there is no need to be ashamed, there is no need to be embarrassed about your "collapse", you are strong, and you are vulnerable.
Do you still have to remember when you were most devastating in 2023?
Some of my most devastating moments in 2023.
After reading Li Xiaoyi's **, I was thinking about what I would be most devastating in 2023, and then I found that there were too many, too many.
"Life is a beautiful robe, crawling with lice. Zhang Ailing's words seem pessimistic, but it is a true portrayal of life.
For some special reasons, one person took care of two children this year, but fortunately, there were elderly people at home to help.
The most devastating, I think, may have been at the end of December before I went there, when the whole family was yang. I, grandma, Dabao, and Xiaobao are yang together. At that time, the feeling of being surrounded by fear and helplessness was really too devastating.
At that time, Xiaobao was only six months old, with a high fever of 40 degrees, and the high fever did not go away. Dabao was 10 years old, with a high fever, pulling and vomiting.
I myself was also hit, and the symptoms were severe, just like Dabao, I pulled and vomited, and the whole person collapsed.
There was no helper around to help, and at that time, friends were also recruited. Because I was afraid of infecting others, I didn't dare to call my friends to help.
In this way, dragging his prostrated body to take care of an old man and two small children.
At that time, I could be said to be hanging myself with a breath of immortal qi, as if I was letting go of that breath and I was immediately falling. But looking at the two sick children, I knew that I couldn't fall down, so I supported them in one breath.
At night, looking at the sleeping face of the child, the helplessness, grievance, and collapse of that moment turned into tears and fell in the dark that no one could see.
Crash?Of course, collapse to the extreme.
In addition to this, there are countless trifles to be riddled with. This kind of being in the dark, not giving you a chance to breathe, is filled with an oppressive feeling of suffocation. One belt two, the whole family yang, this sense of collapse, I don't dare to think about having a second time after experiencing it once.
This is the most devastating moment of 2023.
Accept your own breakdown.
I haven't talked to anyone about my breakdown, because I always seem to be reluctant to accept my "broken" self. It's like a kind of "strong" mask, not wanting to be seen as embarrassed and vulnerable.
We need to learn to accept our own breakdowns.
You and I are both ordinary people, and we all have moments of mood swings and exhaustion. When we encounter setbacks, difficulties, or stress, we may wish to give ourselves a respite and allow ourselves to be vulnerable.
At the same time, it is also important to recognize that a crash is not a shameful thing.
Psychologist Sigmund Freud said, "Human beings are fragile by nature, and we need to learn to face our weaknesses." ”
Only by accepting our own collapse can we truly know ourselves and find solutions to our problems.
After reading Li Xiaoyi's **, I was suddenly relieved, she would collapse if she was so good. There are also moments in daily life that make her collapse to the point that she can't handle it, and keep her awake at night and anxious all night.
Isn't it normal for us ordinary people to feel broken down if she's still like this?
Li Xiaoyi said:"Everybody, every year there are setbacks. ”
It's not easy for us, and we must embrace this not easy self. ”
I finally reconciled with myself and accepted my breakdown, vulnerability, and grievances.
This time, hug myself.
Hug yourself and move forward.
In any case, life can only move forward, no matter how difficult it is, you can only find a way.
is like in the movie "Goodbye, Li Kele", Yan Ni's mother Pan Yanqiu said: "What is bravery, bravery is not looking back." ”
Yes, don't look back, keep moving forward.
No matter how embarrassed the self who once collapsed.
In the midst of a breakdown, it's easy to fall into a mood of resentment and pessimism. And such emotions do not help us get out of this situation.
Being brave doesn't mean that we just rush forward, but that we learn to stop at critical moments and examine our actions and choices. In this way, we can continue to grow and improve.
Li Xiaoyi said in **"We all have setbacks, but please believe that every day is a good day;Please believe that your heart can break, but your hands cannot stop. ”
Hands can't stop.
The essence of a collapse is a sense of losing control.
We've all experienced crashes, can you tell what crashes are?The essence of a collapse is a sense of losing control.
Losing control of yourself, losing control of your life, everything is going in a direction you can't predict, you don't know what you're going to do next, you're directionless, you're out of control.
Collapse is when your physical strength and energy are at their limit, but you still have no way to control what is happening at hand.
Chapter 5 of the book "Psychology of Motivation" mentions "autonomy", autonomy is a sense of control, but not 100% control.
We can't control our lives, but we can maintain a sense of control over our lives.
There was an realization in which two groups of people suffered the shock, one group suffered directly, and the other group suffered even more, but there was a button to stop the pain in time, and almost all chose the latter.
This button is the sense of control, and the sense of control is one of the most important things in life.
So, how do you maintain your sense of control?
The first is attribution.
The cause of everything is that there are factors of stability and factors of instability.
Correct attribution, don't attribute things to uncontrollable fate. If the attribution of things is more controlled by the attribution that you can control, then is it more controlled?
For example, when one person brings two babies, what am I most afraid of?I am most afraid of getting sick, I don't have the physical strength to take care of my children, and I am most afraid that I don't have the ability to take care of my family.
A friend once said to me: If you lack physical strength, work hard. If you lack financial resources, try to get them.
What is lacking, then reinforce. In fact, I understand this truth.
The most plausible truth is often as simple as that.
The second is self-knowledge.
Classical says:The most important thing for people is to know themselves, and to do as much energy as they have.
When the energy is extreme, go to relax, forgive yourself for your low energy, and don't force yourself to beat your spirits;When energy is high, you naturally start doing things that are high energy.
The core element of self-control is self-knowledge.
At that moment, this book ** me again and made me accept my inner self.
Write at the end. So no matter how many crashes you have in 2023, believe that you have survived it after all.
That brave self finally survived every night, believed in himself, and did not look back.
Yes, as Li Xiaoyi said: keep moving forward, through joys and sorrows, through ups and downs, to see what other flowers are blooming in spring on the sea.
May in 2024, we accompany each other and move forward together.
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