1 My wife inexplicably reprimanded me and asked her why, she said that because she was in a bad mood and wanted to train me to relieve her anger.
I was upset, so I went to my friends for a drink. Speaking of the reason, the friend sighed: "You are content, your wife can still say a reason." ”
2 wife: "Who do you say is the head of the family in our family" Husband: "Do you still need to ask?" Of course, it's you, my wife. The wife smiled and said, "What about you?" Husband: "I should be a little worse than you." The wife said angrily: "Huh? What does it mean to be almost?? Do you want to be the king of the family? ”
3. One final exam.
A boy came in and said to the two invigilators, "Uncle, it's you invigilating today!" ”
The two teachers smiled at him.
After that, the exam began, whether the student was looking at the cheat sheet or peeking at someone else's, the two of them turned a blind eye, and after the exam, one teacher said to the other, "Your nephew is very naughty!" ”
The other was taken aback, "No! I thought it was your nephew. ”
4Once, A asked B, "Why do you always carry an umbrella?" B replied, "Because I always expected something to happen." A asked, "What is it?" B calmly said, "It's raining." ”
5When I was shopping at the night market with my mother during the holidays, a friend of my mother came up to me and said to me in surprise: "Yo, what a change in the eighteenth year of the female university." ”
My heart suddenly warmed, and who knew that the next sentence came: "How good-looking I looked when I was a child!" ”
6. The female accountant of the unit invited me to dinner last night, and during the banquet I asked her if she could pay her salary before the 11th. She asked me what was wrong? In a hurry to use the money? I nodded, and she said I'll give you my salary card when I go to work tomorrow. What's the situation, it won't be Double Eleven, let her clear the shopping cart. I'm going to work right away, I'm picking it up! Still don't pick it up. **Wait for a hurry.
7 My wife came back from shopping and said to me: Some time ago, I fell in love with a coat and wanted to wait for the New Year's Day holiday to be discounted before buying, but I didn't expect that now the clothes are more expensive than the original after the seven discounts (first raise the price and then discount), it's so annoying! By the way, husband, do you think I'll buy it?
Me: Just think about it with your toes, of course you won't buy it!
Wife: Theoretically, it should be, but you know, I like the feeling of discounts!
8 Once, when a man walked into a bar, he said to the bartender, "I want a glass of water with a fly in it." The bartender was surprised and asked, "Why?" The man replied: "I am training my snake how to hunt in the water." ”
9 Halfway through the exam, I had a stomachache and wanted to go to the toilet, I was timid and didn't dare to raise my hand to say, but I finally mustered up the courage to raise my hand, and the invigilator came to me and asked, "What's the matter?" ”
A fart was released without holding it back, and the invigilator said at the time: "You raised your hand just so that I could come and smell your fart?" ”
10A gentleman goes to the barbershop for a haircut, and the barber asks him what kind of hairstyle he wants. The gentleman replied, "I wish I could have a haircut that doesn't make me look very smart." The barber asked, confused, "Why?" The gentleman replied, "Because I have just changed to a new job, I don't want my colleagues to find out that I am up to the job too quickly." ”
11 A family is like a Journey to the West :
The child is a Tang monk, who is protected all the way, and sometimes he does not argue between good and bad, and there is no distinction between loyalty and treachery;
's mother is like Monkey King, she has a bumpy road, is not afraid of hardships and dangers, and sometimes she is thankless, eating, drinking, and lazing are all burdens;
Grandparents Grandparents are like sand monks, silently paying and not asking for anything in return;
Dad is like Zhu Bajie, it's useless, he knows how to eat, and if he is not careful, he may be seduced by a goblin!
Hahaha! On the evening of 12, my 7-year-old daughter and I were chatting while watching TV.
My daughter asked me, "Mom, is Dad your boyfriend?" ”
I told my daughter that it was before and that it wasn't.
Why, she asked?
Me: "Your dad used to be my classmate, then my friend, then my boyfriend, and then he became my mom.
's husband, now, is my daughter's father. ”
After hearing this, the daughter's mouth suddenly opened wide, and after a while, she exclaimed: "Oh, Mom and Dad, the relationship between the two of you is really complicated!" ”