In traditional Chinese culture, etiquette is an important social norm that embodies respect and respect between people. Sui Li is a common etiquette behavior, which refers to giving certain gifts or money to the host or relatives and friends on some specific occasions, such as weddings, funerals, holiday celebrations, further education and employment, etc., to express blessings or gratitude. The purpose of the gift is to enhance interpersonal relationships and maintain social harmony. However, with the changes in society, the form and content of the ritual have also undergone some changes, and some of the Xi customs of the ritual are no longer suitable for the lifestyle and values of modern people. Some gifts even become a burden and pressure, making people feel unpleasant and meaningless.
Therefore, some people have put forward the saying that "there are four things that do not follow", which refers to the four situations in which there are four situations in which you do not need or should not be accompanied by a gift, that is, someone you don't know is invited to a wedding just to receive your gift money, rather than genuinely inviting you to share their joy. Not receiving an invitation, but taking it upon himself to attend someone else's banquet, makes the host feel embarrassed and rude. People who are different from your values and three views, or who have a holiday, you don't want to associate with them, and you don't have to associate with them. There are people who have gone and never returned, you have been courtesy, but you have never received their return gift or thanks, and your sincere efforts have not been valued.
Weddings are one of the most important events in life, and they are also a social ritual that requires inviting relatives and friends to witness and bless them. Generally speaking, the person who is invited to the wedding has a certain intimacy or relationship with the couple, such as relatives, friends, colleagues, classmates, etc. The presence of these people is not only a sign of respect for the newcomers, but also for themselves, because they are an integral part of the newcomers' lives. However, some people don't think like this, they invite some people they don't know each other to a wedding, or even old classmates who haven't been in touch for years, or people who are just one-sided. Their purpose is not to share their joy with these people, but to receive their gift money to make up for the cost of the wedding, or to compare and show off. They don't care about these people's presence, they may not even know them, they just treat them as an income.
This kind of behavior is actually an act of collecting money, a desecration of the wedding, and a disrespect to the person invited. If you don't go, you may feel embarrassed or afraid of being called rude, and if you go, you will feel like a waste of time and money, and you may be snubbed and belittled. Such a wedding is meaningless for both parties, and will only make people feel unhappy and dissatisfied. Therefore, for this case, we can refuse to participate, and we do not have to go with the salute. We can politely reply with a blessing, but politely decline on the grounds of work or other matters. We don't have to worry about being called rude, because we don't know them well and don't have much in common, and they don't care if we go or not, and they don't get angry or angry as long as our reply isn't too rushed or sour. We don't have to be embarrassed, because we don't have to sacrifice our time and money for the sake of people we don't know, and we should use these resources in more meaningful places, such as spending time with real friends or with our own family.
Some people, perhaps out of curiosity or enthusiasm, or want to take advantage of some people, will take the initiative to attend other people's banquets, such as weddings, birthday banquets, full moon wine, etc., without receiving an invitation. They may think that doing so is a courtesy, a sign of respect for the host, a form of warmth, and a form of friendliness. However, in doing so, it is actually a kind of impoliteness, a disrespect to the owner, a kind of presumptuousness, and a kind of interruption. When the host holds a banquet, he will generally choose to invite some people he wants to invite according to his budget and venue, such as relatives, friends, colleagues, classmates, etc. These people are all related or emotional in the life of the owner, and the owner hopes that they can come, and will also prepare seats and food for them.
If someone is not invited, suddenly appearing at the banquet, the host may feel embarrassed and overwhelmed, not knowing how to arrange them, who they are and why they are coming. In this way, it will not only disrupt the owner's plans, but also affect the host's mood and make the host feel disturbed and disrespectful. Therefore, for this situation, we should not go to the show, nor should we go with the salute. We should respect the wishes of the host, and if we do not receive an invitation, we should not take it upon ourselves to disturb the banquet of others. There are other ways to express our blessings or thanks to our host, such as texting, sending a small gift, or making an appointment to meet alone. In this way, it will not bother the host or embarrass us, and it will also show our politeness and warmth.
In interpersonal communication, we cannot get along with all people, and we will always meet some people who are different from our values and three views, or who have festivals. These people may be our relatives, friends, colleagues, classmates, etc., and their words and deeds may make us feel uncomfortable, disagreed, disrespectful, or even disgusted, disgusted, and hostile. Getting along with these people is a pain and suffering for us, and we don't want to have any contact with them, and we don't want to give them any benefits. However, there are times when we have to deal with these people, such as in some social occasions, such as weddings, funerals, festivals, gatherings, etc., we may meet these people or be invited to their activities. At these times, we may feel that if we don't go, or if we don't do it, it will appear rude, or it will cause them to be dissatisfied, or it will affect our image, or it will harm our interests. If you go, or follow the courtesy, you will feel that you are very hypocritical, or very wronged, or very wasteful, or very unwilling. This kind of casual gift is a kind of helplessness and meaninglessness for us.
Therefore, for this case, we can choose not to go, or we can choose not to go with the gift. We can decide whether to go to their activities according to our own situation, and if we go, we can be polite, but we don't have to be overly enthusiastic, and we don't have to be polite, because we have no emotional basis with them, and we don't have any reciprocal relationship, and our courtesy will not make them happy, nor will it make us feel happy, it will only make both parties feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. If we don't go, we can politely reply and express our blessings, but for our own reasons, politely decline. We don't have to worry about their reactions, because we don't have any common interests with them, and they don't care if we go or not, and as long as our replies are not too mean or provocative, they won't have any malice or retaliation against us. We don't have to feel that we are impolite, because we don't have to go against our hearts for the sake of some people we don't like, we should stick to our own values and three views, such as getting along with our close people, or communicating with our like-minded people.
In interpersonal communication, we will meet some people who have not returned, they may be our relatives, friends, colleagues, classmates, etc., they will ask us for help when they need us, or invite us to participate in their activities, we will give them gifts out of politeness or friendship to express our concern or support. However, when we need them, they will not return the favor to us, or thank us, or even forget us, or deliberately avoid us. They will only take, they will not give, they will only enjoy, they will not reciprocate, they will only use, they will not cherish. This kind of behavior is actually a kind of dishonesty, a disrespect for us, a kind of self-interest, and a kind of ruthlessness. Our gift is originally a sincere expression, a friendly exchange, and a relationship of mutual assistance. However, they regard our courtesy as a due right, an unnecessary obligation, and an insignificant matter.
They will not appreciate our gifts, nor will they respond to our gifts, they will only treat our gifts as a useless thing, an unintentional gift, a priceless object. This kind of gift is a waste and useless for us. Therefore, for this situation, we should no longer give them a gift, nor should we expect their return gift or thanks. We should see them for what they really are, recognize their unworthiness, give up our expectations of them, and cut off contact with them. We can use our gifts in more meaningful ways, such as to those who really need it, or to those who are truly grateful, or to those who truly reciprocate. In this way, our courtesy can reflect our kindness and generosity, gain the respect and touch of others, and establish a meaningful and valuable interpersonal relationship.
Etiquette is a kind of social Xi and interpersonal communication, which can enhance the feelings between people and maintain social harmony. However, not all gifts are meaningful and valuable, and some gifts are a burden and pressure, making people feel unhappy and meaningless. Therefore, we should judge whether and how to do it according to different circumstances, so as to make it meaningful and valuable.