Three misunderstandings of marriage repair, you must know!
Marriage is not easy, but it is done and cherished.
Not only is it difficult to balance the relationship between husband and wife when getting along, but when the marriage crisis breaks out, we all want to work hard to put the dilapidated home together and paste it together, we will find that feelings and reason cannot be weighed at all, and the relationship between husband and wife has become internal friction again and again.
In my career, I have seen too many situations where I was impatient and finally became a loser and a soldier. Let's take a closer look at what we need to pay attention to.
The author of this article is a certified counselor of Beijing Gardenia, a second-level counselor of marriage and family, and a national ** psychological counselor
1. It's so uncomfortable, will my marriage continue to be like this in the future?
I have told students in many classes before that a broken marriage can be repaired, but it will not be easy to repair at all.
After experiencing emotional betrayal, there will be many people who choose to repair the relationship, if you can choose, this is what most people look forward to - however, those past hurts will not disappear, for the betrayed party, those scenes that make us collapse, the words that come out of the mouth when we quarrel, and even the name of the hotel where you once opened a room from him, you will not forget.
Restoring trust in a marriage requires not only determination, but also methods.
The hardest first step in rebuilding trust is to adjust your mindset, and if you don't have a good mindset, the marriage will probably not go on, because you will question yourself: why do I have to be the first to reach out?
In fact, you don't need to rush into what to do in the relationship, you need to have a safe space to put the heavy burden on your shoulders first, and let yourself easily explore and digest these feelings and problems that are trapping you.
You have to believe in your own ability to rebuild the relationship, starting from showing your trust and establishing a safe and comfortable atmosphere to give the other person a safe soil for communication.
02. If you don't know how to communicate, when there is a conflict between husband and wife, there is only quarrel and venting.
Many people are very strong in marriage: I am better than you, everything has to listen to me!
It's obviously your fault that you're cheating, why do you want me to make a change?
A large part of us in life will think that "communication" is very simple, and who wouldn't talk as long as you have a mouthIn fact, communication is not only a conversation between husband and wife, but also includes emotional control, listening and empathy for the partner, and some communication skills to promote the relationship between husband and wife.
A visitor and her husband have to have a little trouble every night before going to bed: either many of the things that were given to her husband that day were not done, or her husband did not understand what she wanted to say, like a wooden man. So although I slept in the same bed, I complained with my back to my vest, "Why am I so unlucky in my life, marrying such a man, and one day I will divorce him." ”
Then the next day there was a quarrel, the word divorce blurted out of his mouth, and the husband was not to be outdone:
Leave and leave, don't just say divorce every time you can't leave in the end, wait for a few days for the Civil Affairs Bureau to work, hurry up and divorce. ”
Husband and wife do not talk about right and wrong, but about caring and not caring. If you always look at each other from a right or wrong point of view, then the relationship between two people is no different than that of an outsider.
I have seen many women who either give their husbands empty opinions or criticize their husbands when they talk about their work or workplace problems, and men feel that they might as well not say anything.
The reason why a man is willing to talk to a woman is not essentially a solution, he wants to seek a comfort, wants you to be able to feel his mood and emotions, and the wife should not talk about work at this time, but to comfort her husband, so that he understands that he cares, not ignores.
3.The situation of a man cheating in a marriage should be dealt with in a targeted manner.
Didn't stop **, just taste it;Infatuated with a third party, and I don't want to abandon my bad wife, I am entangled between the original partner and the third party;Completely in love with a third person, he urgently wants to sever his previous marriage relationship in order to restart a new marriage.
There are three ways to deal with these three different situations.
Treat the first situation calmly and calmly. While thinking about his character, on the other hand, he sounded the alarm bell and made it clear that his behavior has brought you psychological damage, and there is no next time, otherwise you will bear the consequences. I believe that over time, he has developed a loyal attitude and self-disciplined behavior, and the trust between you and him will be re-established.
In the second case, the tightness is moderate, and the trade-offs are repeated. It's not about letting it go, it's not about hysterical stalking, sitting down and talking, because for a long time he doesn't understand you, you don't understand him, and it has caused a deep misunderstanding. The relationship between the two parties has come to the present, and you and he need a quiet period to take stock. Don't be presumptuous and talk about divorce. Weigh the pros and cons, weigh the weight of his heart in your heart, and then talk about whether to join or leave.
In the third case, don't be soft-hearted, negotiate divorce, clarify your rights and interests, take up the law to protect your rights and interests if necessary, and get through this disaster without humility or arrogance. In fact, derailment in reality is far more complicated than we think, and it is not a matter of one sentence or two sentences to deal with. In the face of derailment, depending on the situation, depending on the degree of acceptance, it is divided or combined, there is a bottom line in the heart, and there is also a preparation. Life is not easy, and if you can't rely on each other hand in hand, a decent breakup is also an ideal ending.