Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to watch "Life Jokes Collection - Misunderstanding and Embarrassment" (Attached: The weather is getting cold, everyone pay attention to keep warm!）
My best friend and husband lived in my house after a quarrel, and I arranged for her to sleep with me and my husband to sleep in the second bedroom.
At night, I habitually touched my husband's underneath, but I didn't touch anything that night, and suddenly my girlfriend woke up, and that embarrassment ......
Unexpectedly, my best friend said vaguely: "Don't make trouble, your wife is at home." ”
I once went on a business trip to visit a customer, located at No. 18 Hong Kong Road, and after getting off the bus, I met an uncle, and I asked him for directions: "Hello, uncle, please ask what kind of road this road is?"”
The uncle opened his mouth gorgeously and said, "Young man, this road is a cement road. ”
Today, the goddess of my crush suddenly asked me on WeChat what I am good at, I thought about it for a while, and then replied: "Below." “
Below?Wow
I saw that she sent a hooligan emoji, and I sent a 'snickering' emoji to try her reaction, but I found that I was blocked!
I don't understand, as an otaku, I learned more than 100 ways to eat instant noodles, isn't this a specialty?What's wrong with the girls now?
Below?Below?You just say instant noodles can't work? 」
One day, I had an urgent need to urinate and jumped into a luxurious bathroom in a hotel. Approaching the urinal and taking a look, a few big words were pasted on it: "Don't use it!".”。I chuckled in my heart, I am a person of such quality, highly educated, I have taken photos in front of Tiananmen Square, I have slept in a five-star hotel, what scene have I never seen?After the fact, automatic induction, automatic water spraying, the amount of water was super large, and I got wet, and suddenly realized: "Damn, you will die if you put a comma!."”
Huh?After reminiscing for a long time, it turned out to be like this: don't use it, it's broken!」
That day on the bus, I listened to two women chatting.
A woman said: "Chrysanthemums are so itchy. ”
I thought to myself: this is too arrogant, and the other woman said, "It's still a cactus that is easier to raise." ”
My wife is a very picky eater, sprayed pesticides of vegetables are not wanted, just this day I went to buy vegetables, usually in the community at the door of the vegetable sales of the maids did not see, I ran to the vegetable market to ask: "I want to buy some vegetables for my wife to eat at night, have you not sprayed pesticides on this vegetable?".”
As a result, a vegetable seller said to me, "No, you have to do the poisoning yourself." ”
Just now, just now!Pick up the courier, because it is a small piece, the courier buddy looked for a long time and did not find my package, so he turned his head and asked me: "What are you?".”
I paused for 3 seconds and said, "I'm a human ......."Can you see it?”
In the summer, once I made an appointment with a few brothers to go to another friend's house as a guest, after entering the door, we sat down and chatted for an hour, I politely took out a cigarette from my coat pocket and handed it to everyone one by one, a brother sat far away, I threw it to him, but I didn't throw it well, threw it into my brother and sister's chest, instantly embarrassed me, and then my brother and sister took out the cigarette from the chest and said: "A day is addictive." “
Once when I was eating at a restaurant, the guest next to me suddenly sent a ** and shouted: "Waiter, call your manager!".”
The waiter hurriedly ran over and asked, "Hello, sir!".Is there anything going on?”
The guest pointed to a plate of dishes with chopsticks and said, "You can't bite the meat stewed at home, so bring your manager over."
The waiter said in a panic: "It's useless to call us managers?"You can't bite it, and our manager can't bite either!”
It made everyone laugh in an instant! 」
A bearded man wanted to surprise his wife, so he shaved his beard and quietly hid under the covers at night.
His wife woke up in a daze, touched his head, and said in surprise, "Honey, you are still there!".My husband is coming back soon, so you better go quickly!”
Brothers, what's going on!I heard you right!」
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