Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to watch "Life Jokes Collection" (Attached: The weather is getting cold, everyone pay attention to keep warm!）
When I was doing the subway today, there was a couple sitting opposite, the boy's appearance was indescribable, and the girl's appearance was quite good-looking. At that time, I heard the girl say to her boyfriend, "I saw my best friend's boyfriend today, it's so ugly."
The boy said, "Uglier than me?"“
At this time, I thought that the girl would comfort him and say something like you are not ugly, but the girl said: "It's not the same ugly law with you".
I was laughing to death!」
Interview the landlord when renting for the first time.
The landlord said, "The rent is 1,000 yuan a month, and if you pay it for a year, it will be 10,000 yuan." ”
Please forgive my science and engineering mind, I found the mistake at the first time, I asked rhetorically: 10,000 a year, shouldn't it be 800 a month?
The landlord listened to it and felt that what I said was very reasonable, so he was ashamed to change it to 12,000 a year.
Today I was going to pluck up the courage to confess to the boy I had a crush on for a long time, and I sent him a WeChat message to ask: "What kind of girl do you like?".“
He replied: "Big break the waves of long hair".
I replied, "That's all I want?"“
He replied: "No, these are three requests".
I looked at it carefully for a long time, "Damn, fortunately I didn't confess, I don't touch it." “
Every time she quarreled with her wife, she would go back to her parents' house, stay for a few days, and come back when she was angry.
This time, I had a cold war with my wife for 20 days, and in order to show myself, I went to my mother's house to pick up my wife.
When I arrived at my mother's house, my mother-in-law said that my wife had never come back.......
This, this, am I green?
received a **, a sweet girl: "Hello!."I am a customer of xx bank, my job number is xxxxx, and I found that you have an overseas transaction record, is it you who operated?“
Me: "You have such a nice voice, can you say that again?".”
There was silence on the other side for two seconds, and then a faint male voice came: "It's not a serious person, hang him ........"
I actually want to hit my wife's attention, we won't cheat this money. ”
A rich man and his wife went to the store to buy bracelets, and his wife finally chose two favorites: one with a price tag of 1,000 yuan and the other with a price tag of 5,000 yuan.
The shopkeeper wanted to sell them the expensive bracelet, so he whispered to his wife, "Buy this expensive one." If you don't spend the 5,000 yuan, he will spend all the rest of the money on his lover. ”
When the lady heard this, she was furious: "Shut your foul mouth!".I was his lover. ”
An elderly couple celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary by returning to the hotel where they had spent their honeymoon.
Before going to bed, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, remember how you stroked your **'s hair?"”
So, the husband gently combed his wife's hair with his fingers, as he did 50 years ago.
After a while, the wife asked, "Do you remember how we embraced?"”
So, they revisited the situation 50 years ago. Finally, the wife sighed and whispered, "Aren't you going to bite my ear gently?".”
Hearing this, the husband hurriedly got up and got out of bed and walked out.
The wife hurriedly asked, "Where are you going?"”
I went to get my dentures. ”
Oops, I'm dripping my mother, I'm laughing to death! 」
I just bought a book, and I couldn't find it in a few days, so I asked my wife, "Where did you put the book I just bought?"”
The wife asked, "Which one?".”
I said, "It's the book 'The Secret of Longevity'."
The wife said, "I threw it away!".”
I wondered what I was doing when I threw away a good book, so I asked, "Throw it away?"Why?”
The wife actually replied: "I'm afraid that your mother will see it." ”
One day, I had an urgent need to urinate and jumped into a luxurious bathroom in a hotel. Approaching the urinal and taking a look, a few big words were pasted on it: "Don't use it!".”。I chuckled in my heart, I am a person of such quality, highly educated, I have taken photos in front of Tiananmen Square, I have slept in a five-star hotel, what scene have I never seen?After the fact, automatic induction, automatic water spraying, the amount of water was super large, and I got wet, and suddenly realized: "Damn, you will die if you put a comma!."”
Huh?After reminiscing for a long time, it turned out to be like this: don't use it, it's broken!」
There was a woman who was very jealous. Once he went out with his husband to take a break, and met a young girl approaching in front of him, and his husband unconsciously looked at it, and was beaten by his wife.
In a fit of rage, the husband simply closed his eyes to recuperate, so as not to provoke unwarranted disasters, but he was beaten anyway, and only heard his wife say, "Humph!"Do you think you can close your eyes and think about it?”
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