1 In a Chinese class, the teacher suddenly said, "As soon as the tears are sore, the nose will fall off." Suddenly, the hall burst into laughter!
2 One day, three men got lost in the desert. They found a bottle and opened it and came out with an elf. The elf said, "Each of you can make three wishes. The first person said, "I want a lot of money." The elf gave him a bag of gold coins. The second said, "I want to go home." The elf sent him home. The third man looked at the empty bottle in his hand, sighed and said, "I wish my friends were here too." ”
3 I quarreled with my father, he gave me a slap in the face, and I wanted to ask him "Have you eaten" to ease the atmosphere.
It turned out to be: "Dad, you haven't eaten, have you?"”
Then my dad hit harder.
4. The boss and his wife quarreled in the warehouse, the boss cried, and I quickly evacuated, but I locked the door in a brain-dead way. An hour later, I was called to open the door by **, and instead of blaming me, the boss nodded and patted me on the shoulder meaningfully, and I was confused until the boss lady walked out with a flushed face!
5 I have never had a girlfriend before, and I think it is a beautiful thing to see others have girlfriends and advise them to quit smoking. So I started smoking cigarettes to wait for the guy to quit showing up. It wasn't until many years later that I met my current partner. I still remember that she was the first to open her mouth: Hey!Borrow a fire.
6The first time I went to my girlfriend's house, my girlfriend's father looked at me with a frown: "How old are you?"."It's 40!I answered truthfully. His girlfriend's father yelled: "My daughter is only 23, do you want to be shameless?."My girlfriend's mother persuaded the side: "I think it's good, I'm older and down-to-earth and sensible, and I can take care of people!."I looked at her gratefully, and she continued: "Look at me, your daughter is still a year older than me, and my father was so opposed at that time, we didn't live well like that...”
7 Xiaomei, Xiaolin and Xiaoyun are college classmates. On this day, the three of them got together for dinner and unconsciously chatted about the topic of research.
Xiaomei showed off: "I took the first-level certificate of Japanese last month, and my monthly salary suddenly increased by 2,000 yuan. ”
Xiao Lin said disdainfully: "What's the matter, I was admitted to the CPA last year, and my monthly salary has doubled." ”
Xiao Yun listened to their words, her face flushed for a while, and she said, "Don't be complacent, I won a certificate last year and got 5 million all of a sudden!."”
The two were shocked and hurriedly asked, "What certificate?"”
Xiao Yun spit out three words: "Divorce certificate." ”
8 Two boys talking about what they were going to do in the future. One of them said: "I'm going to repair the plane." The other said, "Then be careful not to put your wings upside down!"”
9 On Valentine's Day, Xueba didn't give his girlfriend roses, and his girlfriend was very angry. Xueba said indifferently: "Do you know what it means for flowers to produce honey?"The girlfriend said: "It means that the couple is sweet and sweet!."Xue Ba said: "You are wishful thinking." You must know that flowers are actually plants, and *** secretes high sugar content, which means that flowers have diabetes. I'll give you this diseased plant***, I'm afraid it's very inappropriate!After hearing this, my girlfriend immediately squirted ...... disgustingly
10 was bullied by a friend once, and he was beaten and went home crying. My father was very angry and told me to go out and fight back, and if I didn't win, I wasn't allowed to go home. Mom was anxious: "Are you stupid?".Our family is a girl. Then my parents quarreled, and my mother said that my father must have a son outside, and it was confused!
11a: Now when I see my dog, I want to kill him.
B: Why?
A: The day before yesterday, my wife went back to her parents' house, I was sleeping lazy, the dead dog didn't know where to get a lace**, just put it next to the bed, my wife came back and saw....I knelt on the keyboard for two days, and today, I saw it back again....You have a grudge against me.
12 Teacher: "How long does it take to steam one steamed bun for one minute, but three steamed buns?"”
Xiao Ming: "Nine minutes?."”
Teacher: "You're stupid!."Your steamed buns are steamed one by one?!
Xiao Ming was unconvinced: "Then let me ask you, what about eating one steamed bun for one minute and eating ten steamed buns?"”
Teacher: "Ten minutes!."You think I'm as stupid as you are!”
Xiao Ming: "Eat ten steamed buns in ten minutes!."Kill you with a rice bucket!”