My best friend said: "Since I had a baby, I know how difficult it is to raise a child by myself.
My husband used to say that he likes children, I am responsible for giving birth, and he is responsible for raising.
As a result, I suffered from a caesarean section after giving birth, but I had to take care of the baby, which was so painful that I even wore a calloon on my elbow.
He hid in his guest room and fell asleep.
The mother-in-law said that she would take care of the baby after it was born, but she called ** to her, but she said that the eldest sister-in-law's child was also small, and she couldn't get out. My mother also had no time to take care of her elderly grandmother.
The false harmony when I didn't have children deceived me and made me mistakenly think that my love and family ties were unbreakable, but I didn't expect that when I really needed it, I had no one to rely on.
I was sick, tired, and tired, but I had to bear it alone. How many nights when children cry, I also weep silently. The whole world is asleep, and only I can't sleep. ”
A lot of people say,The root cause of China's marriage and family problems is that the relationship between husband and wife is not close enough.
In the eyes of many mothers, the parent-child relationship is more important, and the child is even more important than the husband.
In fact, in most cases, it is not the mother who actively chooses to be close to the child and put her husband aside;
It's when you have a child that you realize that only the child is with you.
Your husband may use his busy schedule and frequent social situations as an excuse to avoid taking on the busy time of raising children.
In a debate about "whether a woman should be a single mother", Zhang Quanling once said:
Don't be naïve, do you think that if you have a husband and have children, you are not considered a single mother?
How many mothers raise their children alone?
All of them pierced the heartache of women.
In many families, raising children becomes almost entirely a woman's responsibility. When the father is in a good mood, he will touch the child affectionately and carry the child high.
We longed for intimacy with our husbands, shouldering life's worries and family affairs together, but we didn't have the opportunity.
The love between husband and wife is often exhausted in the busyness of several years of raising children.
He doesn't understand your hard work, he doesn't see you bothered by insomnia and hair loss, he doesn't know how long it's been since you've seen your friends, and he hasn't experienced your child crying at the door when you go to the bathroom.
He only thinks that your figure is deformed, your temper has become bad, and your complaints have increased, becoming more and more inexplicable, like a middle-aged woman.
Not long ago, I invited a friend to a violin recital, which was mostly upbeat, but she was in tears because she was enjoying her own time for the first time in three years since she had a child.
If your lover takes care of you during your pregnancy and after giving birth, and takes care of the child with you.
Please remember to go to the ancestral tomb to burn incense every year during Qingming and Lunar New Year.
So what is the reason for everyone to have children?
In addition to the reasons of inheritance and the crystallization of love, the more common reason is that children are the bond that strengthens the marriage relationship.
This is a big lie.
In fact, the child is more like a third party. For the happy world of two, he will break the previous balance and add an uncertain factor.
Because of the child's parenting, companionship, and education problems, it will add a lot of troubles and conflicts, and your relationship is likely to be estranged because of this.
For two people who are already unhappy, children are a disaster.
Because the triviality of raising a child can add more friction between two people.
Even magnify the contradiction between two people into the contradiction between two families, making you hate his whole family so much that the idea of divorce can swell up 24 times a day.
Every year after the college entrance examination, a large number of parents go to divorce in droves.
The marriage they barely maintained for their children did not improve the quality because of the presence of children, but they missed out on their own happiness for many years.
So, you think that if you have a child, your marriage will become happy, it is impossible!
Children will test the quality of your intimate relationships, but most relationships will not stand the test.
Many women will wonder why their mother-in-law always seems to regard themselves as outsiders, and why the relationship between her husband and mother-in-law is more like that of brothers.
This actually comes from:generationsCompulsive repetition
In fact, my mother-in-law used to be a self-reliant mother who raised her children.
As a result of the long-term integration with the child, they have a strong emotional connection and a deep relationship.
In addition, the son is the ideal husband for the mother-in-law, so she may feel entitled to interfere in the child's education.
For her, taking care of her grandchildren is like going through the parenting process again.
Therefore, if the mother-in-law takes care of the child, you may be forced to give in, even if you feel uncomfortable like being stabbed, you can only endure it in silence; Or choose to take care of the children on their own, with no one to rely on.
Of course, you will also meet those mothers-in-law who can handle everything clearly, and whether you can meet them depends on your luck.
Other options include having your mom help take care of the baby, which can reduce a lot of conflicts, but there is also a risk
Your relationship with an already estranged man may become even more estranged as a result.
If the family can afford it, you can also hire a professional nanny to take care of the children, which can really simplify the relationship.
Why do many mothers, give birth to one, and still give birth.
Looking at men is key.
If you work well with each other, he will understand and support your hard work.
When you confide in him, feel irritable, or even a little estranged from your child's feelings, if you can get his understanding and empathy, it is easier for you to be a good mother and enjoy the joy of raising children.
You will feel more deeply the high-quality attachment that your child has for you. You will understand that there is a person who needs you so much.
Children will also give you a lot of joy to ease your pain.
When the child's soft little hands caress the face of the **, when the child kisses your cheek like a petal, when the child's voice comforts your tiredness like a natural sound, you will forgive everything in the world.
At the end of the day, the most important relationship is the relationship between husband and wife.
If this needle is not disrupted, raising children is not easy, but it is also full of fun.
If the child is born only to you and to your relationship, it may take a detour from the very beginning.
Therefore, before having a child, couples do need to think carefully about -
The child is an independent being.
Are you sure that in good times and bad, rich and poor, healthy and sick, happy and sorrowful, you are determined to hold hands and give him the most comprehensive environment and the most powerful support?
Whether he is excellent or ordinary, cheerful or introverted, smooth sailing or full of frustrations, will you stand firmly together, encourage each other, and give him the deepest acceptance, trust and love?
If the answer is yes, then congratulations, your child will grow up happily ever after.