1
Hitler visited a psychiatric hospital and asked a patient if he knew who he was, and the patient shook his head.
Hitler then loudly declared: "I am Adolf Hitler, your leader. My strength is so great that I can compare it to God! ”
The patients smiled and looked at him sympathetically. One of them patted Hitler on the shoulder and said, "When we started getting sick, we were like you." ”
A tourist travels to a cannibalistic country and walks into a restaurant with a menu marked with a variety of dishes. Priest meat is $3 per serving, hunter meat is $4 per serving, boss meat is $5 per serving, and politician meat is $25 per serving.
The tourist asked the boss: "Why is the meat of politicians so much more expensive than the meat of others?" ”
The boss said: "Because it is not easy to clean the meat of politicians!" ”
The reporter interviewed a politician who was running for office and asked him what he thought about drinking.
The politician said eloquently: "If you are referring to the devil's drink that poisons the body, destroys the mind, destroys the family, and creates criminals, then I am against it, resolutely against it!" If you're referring to the kind of great drink that is used for wedding blessings, weekend entertainment, and tax revenue** for poor orphans, then I'm for it! And no matter what you say, it won't change my mind. ”
Q: What are the similarities between politicians and diapers?
A: They all need to be replaced regularly and for the same reason.
* Teach the Democrats: You have two cows, raise one for yourself, and give the other to your neighbors.
Socialist: You have two cows, take one and give it to your neighbor.
Fascist: You have two cows, take both of them and sell the milk to you.
American Republican: You have two cows and only one in the neighbor, and that's not a big deal.
Democrat of the United States: You have two cows and none of your neighbors, and you are ashamed. The ** you choose is taxed on your cattle, and in order to pay the tax, you have to sell the other one. Then take your tax money to buy a cow and give it to your neighbors. You feel that is fair.
Democracy in the United States: You have two cows, and you are taxed in order to feed a foreigner who has only one cow. You have to sell two cows to pay your taxes. And that foreigner's cow was a gift from the United States.
American-style capitalism: You have two cows, you sell one, you buy a male, and you have a big herd of cows.
American-style bureaucracy: you have two cows, take them both, kill one, milk the other, pay you for the milk, and pour the milk into the gutter.
U.S. Private Company: You have two cows, you sell one, you force the other to produce four cows, and soon you are surprised to find that the cow is dead.
French private company: You have two cows, you are not satisfied, you want three, so you go to the **, strike.
Private Japanese company: You have two cows, and you can make them a tenth the size of the original, but they can produce ten times as much milk.
Private German company: You have two cows, you have them to grow into cows, they live for up to 100 years, they only eat once a month, and they can do it themselves.
British private company: You have two cows, they are crazy and dead, please give me beef pie.
Private Italian company: You have two cows, but you can't find them, don't worry, go to the lunch break.
Private Russian company: You have two cows. Thou hast numbered, and there are five heads; And there were forty-two heads; And again, there were twelve. You don't count, and you open another bottle of vodka.
Swiss private company: You have 5,000 cows, but none of them belong to you, and you make money by storing other people's cows.
Private company in Brazil: You have two cows, you work with an American company, and soon you have a thousand cows, and the American company declares bankruptcy.
Private companies in India: You have two cows, you adore them.
Private Israeli company: You have two Jewish cows, you run a milk company, an ice cream shop, send calves to Harvard, and after graduation you become doctors.
A politician running for office asked the food businessman, "Can I get your support?" ”
I'm sorry, but I've already agreed to support other candidates. ”
It's easy to do," the politician laughed, "and politically agreeing to it and doing it are two different things." ”
The food merchant said kindly, "Well, I'm glad to say yes." ”