Recently, I like a saying called "deep in love but not trapped in love", I think this is a very rare high-level realm. If you can live that state, then the person's life must be very abundant. But it's so difficult, because this sentence contains two factors, one is to dare to give affectionately, and dare to give yourself; The other is that you can not be trapped by love, and it is too difficult for these two states to be one.
If you are in an emotional state, there are usually two types of people.
One type is not very afraid to give emotion, they usually stand by the river to observe, do not dare to go into the water, because they are afraid of being hurt by love, so the observation by the river makes them very calm, very rational, very profound. But because they didn't go into the water, they couldn't feel the full nourishment of that emotion.
On the other hand, they can feel the temperature of the water and play in the river. But such people are usually hurt by love, hurt by small pebbles in the river, and hit by reefs. And they often feel that I am so enthusiastic, but the other party does not give me the same response, so they will have obsession and pain.
It's very interesting that these two types of people are attracted to each other, and they feel that the other person has lived that kind of quality that I want to live but can't. But when the two types of people are together, it is painful. One party will dislike the other, your enthusiasm will burn me, and the other party will dislike the other party, and my enthusiasm will be snubbed by you.
In fact, both parties are trapped in a state of love, they are trapped, one is in the circle and can't get out, and the other is not daring to step into the circle at all. So how difficult is it to be deeply in love and not be trapped by it, and is it possible to do it?
When I was reading Zhuangzi recently, I felt that several stories might be connected to get a little bit of an answer. There is a story told in Zhuangzi's "De Chong Fu", Huizi asked Zhuangzi, are people ruthless? Zhuangzi said, yes. Keiko asked again, if people are ruthless, then how can you still call people? Zhuangzi told him, what you say about ruthlessness is different from what I said, what I said about ruthlessness is not that there is no emotion, but that you don't let feelings hurt your nature.
What does it mean to hurt nature? Zhuangzi's "The Great Master" chapter tells a story that we are very familiar with, called "It is better to forget each other in the rivers and lakes than to be in the foam". The spring dried up, the fish were trapped on land, and they wanted to be together all the time, so they tried to spit out bubbles, trying to moisten each other with their spit. But we know that doing so is obviously dragging ourselves to death and dragging the other party to death, which is hurting nature, so it is better to go back to the rivers and lakes and be well. So we say that if you don't get trapped by deep affection, a very important point is to set a bottom line and not hurt your nature.
Zhuangzi has a sentence in "Journey to the North" that the love of a saint is also the one who takes it. This quote tells us that the love of the saints knows no bounds. When there is already a steady stream of love in our hearts, in the relationship, we will not be stingy to give affection. Dare to pay because I have it, it's like, when you have endless wealth, in fact, you don't care so much about how much the other party can give you, because your money is too much to spend. And usually in that situation, people are not very likely to be trapped by emotions, which does not mean that you do not love, nor does it mean that you will not be hurt, sad, or regretful. What it means is that you are not afraid, not afraid of being hurt, not afraid of being sad, not afraid of regrets, because you can always come back and recharge yourself.
Therefore, whether it is Taoism or Buddhism, it is not to make us ruthless or break love. They hope that we will not depend on the outside world to give us love, or that we will not let ourselves suffer because of the vagaries of the outside world. And to do all of this, the only way to do this is to love yourself. Loving yourself is really an eternal theme.
When we have this kind of continuous and abundant love from ourselves in our hearts, we can truly be deep in love and not trapped in love. When we have love within us, the rational person standing next to the river, they dare to go into the water in the true sense. Because they have love, they dare to give. And the people in the river, because they have love, they don't care so much about how much love the other person gives them, they themselves will shine, and those who desire light will lean over themselves. These two types of people are truly fulfilled at that moment.