Truth be told, not everyone has a good pair of parents.
I read a book before that analyzed the family of origin.
The book gives an example that if a child sees love from his parents and a harmonious family when he is a child, then he will also look forward to getting married early and forming his own family when he grows up.
Because children who grow up in loving families know better how to love and how to accept the love of others.
Similarly, I think that young people's debts are actually sometimes related to their original families.
You may have been exposed to too few cases to feel.
Since I have established a debt group, I have a feeling that many young people are in debt, which is really related to their original families.
Either the family conditions are too poor, resulting in the limited help of parents to their children, so their children grow up and enter the society, too 'mature', want to fight everything by themselves, and eventually lead to debt under other reasons.
Either parents use percussion education when their children are young, and all kinds of PUA their children.
So much so, when these children grow up, they are all kinds of unconfident, all kinds of doubts about themselves, and then all kinds of ......
Eventually, under the combined influence of other reasons, it also embarked on the road of debt.
So, today I'm going to talk about my opinion
After the debt
It is more necessary to be vigilant about parental PUA
Generally speaking, Chinese parents are very fond of percussive education.
It's the kind of thing they don't like when you do anything.
For example, if you don't do well in the exam, they say you're not good.
Take a nap on vacation, and they say you say you're not productive.
If you fail the job interview, they still say you're unproductive.
AnywayYou can't do this, you can't do that, you can't do anything anyway.
Not only that, but especially like moral kidnapping.
Keeping your mouth open and closing all day is: If it weren't for your ......Do you know how much I've paid for you? Why aren't you filial at all?
Anyway, Chinese parents are very fond of these.
According to my observations, there are probably 3 reasons why this situation occurs:
Sometimes, our parents give us a percussive education simply because they don't know that there are other ways to educate in this world.
Because they may have been raised by percussive education when they were young.
Moreover, they may be educated, or they may not see a better way of educating someone else's family on a daily basis.
So, this can't be too much to blame them.
Because they really don't have this awareness, and they don't know how to educate their children better.
Not everyone likes small children.
Even if you become a parent, you will hate your own children.
In particular, sometimes the child is still a life that he doesn't like and doesn't like.
Because many of our parents' marriages are traditional arranged marriages, strong melons may not necessarily produce feelings).
So, sometimes, you will see some children who have been scolded by their parents, they will cry and ask: Am I your own?
Truth be told, it's probably not.
Moreover, even if it is biological, it is possible that it was 'born by mistake'.
Especially some patriarchal families.
If the first child and the second child are girls, they will ...... to meet parents who have no conscience
This is something I saw a while ago in the book "Out of the Weakness of the Heart".
There is a point mentioned in the book, that is, sometimes, when parents have various PUAs to their children, there is a high probabilityIt's just because they can't mess up on their own.
They are parents, and they themselves are not satisfied with their current lives.
They themselves have made their lives a mess.
Then I felt sulky in my heart, and I wanted to find someone to get angry.
But who to look for?
If it is an outsider, they dare not bully.
can only intentionally or unintentionally, take your child to vent your anger.
That's why you will find that when some parents scold their children, they will make all kinds of unreasonable troubles and forcibly accuse their children of not doing well for unfounded reasons.
In fact, it is to use the child as a punching bag.
Even, they will truly believe that the problem in their life is because they have a child and have a child to drag their feet......
Just like some of our debtors, after going into debt, we complain and blame all the problems on external causes.
In fact, it is likely that the root of the problem lies with himself.
Sorry, that's a big deal.
If you yourself have grown up under your parents' percussive education and PUA education.
Then I recommend you try to isolate your parents from distractions and rebuild your inner world.
For a specific method, you can take a look at the book "Out of the Weakness of the Heart".
Then, there is also the fact that if your debts are due to the reasons of your original family.
Or, if you are in debt and cannot go ashore because of the influence of your parents, you should also pay attention to whether you have also been PUA by your parents.
I met a group member the other day who was like this.
Because she has been adding me to WeChat for a long time, about two years.
Then her total debt is not much, and she has not been able to go ashore for a long time, which has a lot to do with her family.
I'll put a chat log and you'll find out:
Seriously, not every child has a good pair of parents.
Especially for debtors, I see that many of the group members have divorced parents.
Or he was treated differently by his parents because of his preference for sons since he was a child.
There are also all kinds of PUA, all kinds of ...... who grew up under a variety of percussive education
The worse the family of origin, the more likely their children are to go into debt.
Stay away from your parents
It's the beginning of your disembarkation
Through my analysis above, if you feel that your debt also has the reason of your parents at a deep level, then I recommend you to stay away from your parents.
It is possible to move out and live alone.
Or change cities to work.
Reduce the number of meetings and calls with them.
Otherwise, they will have to count you down in all kinds of ways, so that you don't have confidence in what you do.
This can be a painful process.
Because in the process, you also have to learn to live independently.
This independence has many aspects.
For example, you want to:Financially independent
Your living expenses are only spent on your own earnings, so you don't need family subsidies, and you don't need to feel guilty.
Your debts are all paid by your own money, not your parents' money, so that you canHave the confidence not to listen to their dictates about your lifeFinish.
Secondly, you want to:Personality independence
One of the signs of independence is that you are not easily discouraged by the negation of others.
For example, like me now, I do freelance work, doing all kinds of things that I think are more meaningful.
There are some people who don't understand, but I don't think their denials affect me.
Because I am confident enough, my mental strength is able to resist these distractions.
For example, two days ago, someone said something like this in the message area:
If it was before I changed it, when I still had some glass hearts, I would most likely be critically hit.
Because a few years ago, when I was setting up a stall to sell snacks, I was really hit by a passerby.
It was an aunt who asked me after watching me set up a stallYou're such a college student, how do you come out to set up a stall?
Then affected by her words, I didn't want to do it anymore.
Time has passed, and when I think about it again, I regret it.
Because, however, it would be nice if you stuck to the stall.
At least it's better than forcing yourself to do a decent job and go to work in an office building.
And now I won'tOnce I've thought about something, I don't change my mind easily because of anyone's doubts.
Even my parents, I won't listen to what they say to me.
Because my logic is simple :
If you can agree with my thinking logic, then you will most likely know why I advised you to stay away from your parents.
Many debtors have been managed by their parents too much and for too long.
It's not just debt, I've seen several cases of debtors who divorced because their parents managed too much.
Because ......Even after they get married, they will be pointed at by their parents, and eventually they can't even keep their own small family.
So,I sincerely advise some debtors to stay away from their parents.
It's good for you, for your parents, and for your small family in the future!
It's just that the process will be painful.
Your parents will say that you are unfilial and kidnap you with morality.
Relatives and friends around you will also say that you are cold-blooded and that you have no sense of responsibility.
Actually, they know that you just want to live a little bit more independently.
Going ashore is a lonely thing
In the entire group of debtors, there are only a few who are not lonely.
Moreover, they are also particularly lucky.
Because when they are in debt, their parents will understand them, their lovers will understand them, their relatives will understand them, their friends will understand them, their co-workers or other people they know will understand them.
And, if you are lucky, you can still get the support of your parents, relatives and friends.
But more debtors are unfortunate.
Originally, the debtor was already suffering a big blow.
However, if the people around do not understand, then the blow will be even greater.
For example, there are many people who break up and divorce after being in debt.
There are also many people who are driven out by the company after being in debt.
After being in debt, there are also those who are regarded as enemies by their parents.
That's why I saidGoing ashore is a lonely thing
You can't help but be alone.
You are alone with the stress of the whole debt, and you are also a person against the world.
Just like I saw a group friend say a while ago that in their community, the courier who has been delivering couriers to her sent her a collection lawyer's letter one day, and after seeing some words such as 'debtor' written on the express delivery sheet, my eyes changed all of a sudden.
That's a kind of vision that contains a lot of emotions.
I couldn't find the right words to describe it.
But I think you've probably been stared at that way too.
Because of this feeling, most debtors have experienced it.
Not too much, once in this lifetime experience will be unforgettable.
So, you should understand what I'm talking about when I talk about the loneliness of debtors.
This is also the fate we have to face together.
Encounter debt, understand debt, face loneliness, and solve debt.
Stay up a little, no matter how long the night is, it will always pass.
No matter how much debt you have, there will always be a time to pay it off.
At least,If you are being PUA by your parents, please stay away from your parents first.
Take the first step on your lonely journey ashore.
Good night in advance. Pocket.
February** Dynamic Incentive Program