As the old saying goes, "There are many beings, but who doesn't cherish life?" The love for life is deep, and then extends to caring for all people. ”
It is true that we all value life and desire to live longer and better. When we care for ourselves, we also care for the people around us, hoping that the family as a community can prosper.
However, life is limited, and only home is eternal, and the cycle repeats.
A wise man with a vision, when he is bedridden, in addition to actively seeking **, will also reserve a retreat for his family.
The first way back: to see through life and death, you don't always have to disturb your children and grandchildren.
There is a vulgar saying that "the longevity of an elderly person may weaken the life expectancy of children and grandchildren." ”
In my hometown, there is still a prevalent superstitious belief that "the longer the old man lives, the more likely he is to take the life of his children and grandchildren." ”
It is true that in some families, the elderly are still alive after the age of 90, but their children die in their sixties and seventies, or even in their fifties.
Superstitions aside, some elderly people still pursue longevity despite illness, which undoubtedly makes children and grandchildren feel extremely tired. Especially those elderly people with perverse temperaments often complain that their children and grandchildren do not care enough about themselves, and from time to time they ask to be sent to the hospital.
No matter how much the children and grandchildren take care of it, it will not be able to satisfy the elderly. The hired nannies were evicted by the old people one after another, or made difficult by the old people. The children and grandchildren are full of resentment in their hearts, but they have nowhere to vent it.
In order to take care of the sick elderly, some children even quit their jobs, and the family is in financial difficulties; If your child is in a hurry to get home from work, her productivity may be impaired and he may even be punished by his boss.
There is no filial son in the bed for a long time. Such an ending is not that the descendants are unfilial, but that they are really helpless.
However, those old people who are very open to life and death and have a good mentality have a completely different family atmosphere.
Even if the body is weak, but the soul cannot give in, you can still say to your family with peace of mind, "It's okay, I'm okay." ”
A smile from the old man is undoubtedly a ray of sunshine for the family.
In fact, human lifespan is not just a measure of age, but more of a measure of quality of life. Live with a smile on your face, live every day to the fullest, and live a longer life even if you are the same age as others.
Zen master Shi Yan wrote in "Mountain Dwelling Poems": "The mood is comfortable and natural, and the avenue is not the best." Who in the world can think before acting, and who can be empty in advance. ”
If you think about it, you don't have to worry about it, and you are as clear as ever, just like coming to this world. When children and grandchildren see you so open-minded, it will be much easier to take care of you.
The second way back: to comfort your partner and avoid loneliness.
The Ming Dynasty writer Feng Menglong told a story about Zhuangzi.
When Zhuangzi went out to play in the mountains and rivers, he witnessed a middle-aged woman holding a fan and vigorously fanning the soil of a new grave.
It turned out that the woman's husband had died, and they had agreed: "If I remarry, I will not remarry until the grave has dried up after your burial." ”
The woman had met a new lover and therefore hoped that the grave soil would dry up as soon as possible so that she could remarry sooner. For this reason, she fanned the soil desperately.
When these words were uttered, the women felt ashamed. After all, that pays attention to chastity, three obedience and four virtues.
Zhuangzi did not hesitate to use his supernatural powers to make the tomb soil dry in an instant.
Seeing that the women were grateful, Zhuangzi chanted a poem: "It's not that the enemies don't get together, when will the enemies get together?" I knew that I was ruthless and righteous after death, so why bother to keep my love in life. ”
Is it true that there is no emotion between husband and wife? Of course not, it's just that after one party dies, the other party still needs to be strong to live.
Especially for those who do not have a pension, it is not enough to rely on the help of their children, they also need to find other livelihoods, and life will be much easier if they can have a partner by their side.
Therefore, the party who dies first should consider the future: how will the wife spend the rest of her life? Is there financial and shelter security? Looking for twilight love? Will the child consent?
Loneliness is a very difficult thing, in addition to inner loneliness, there are also financial difficulties. This cannot be avoided completely, but it can be mitigated as much as possible.
The poet Rabindranath Tagore once said, "If you love her, let your love surround her like sunshine and set her free." ”
Tell that it is not shameful or betrayal to love boldly and build a new family; Leave money for your wife to spend the rest of her life in peace; And tell the children to respect the choices of their parents.
The third way back: deal with relationships and leave room for the development of the family business.
Only by removing emotional barriers can the rest of my wife's life be happier.
In dealing with the path of family career development, it is crucial to handle interpersonal relationships skillfully.
Sometimes, when an elderly person dies, people may find that the money they once lent cannot be recovered due to lack of evidence or the exact amount.
In the example of the TV series "It's All Good", after Su's mother died, the money borrowed by her younger brother became confusing. He even defended: "I didn't say I needed to pay it back. ”
If it weren't for Su Mingyu and her brothers insisting on their uncle repaying the loan, the family would probably have suffered a lot of losses.
Therefore, the elderly should clearly explain their relationship in terms of economy and emotion before they pass away, so as not to leave regrets and disputes.
Take Zhuge Liang in the late Eastern Han Dynasty, for example, who lost his mother when he was three years old and his father when he was eight years old. Together with his siblings, he defected to his father, Zhuge Xuan.
If Zhuge Liang's parents and uncle had a bad relationship, or if there were no proper arrangements, it could have caused Zhuge Liang's life to be in trouble and he would not be able to achieve his later achievements.
Another example is Fan Zhongyan of the Northern Song Dynasty, he lost his father when he was young, and after his mother remarried, he told him about the changes in the family, so he took the initiative to restore his name and contact his father's relatives and friends, which was recognized by the society.
If the parents' generation can leave a good relationship with the world, it will have an immeasurable positive effect on the development of future generations, which must not be ignored.
No one knows the unexpected and which will come first.
When the elderly are bedridden, they should keep a clear head and prepare in advance to deal with "unexpected" situations, which is a sign of responsibility to the family and can also reduce their regrets in the moment.
Although people pass away, the sun will still rise tomorrow, and families still need more sunshine and hope.
We don't have complete control over the process of birth, aging, sickness and death, but we can decide what we should account for before we die.
Our lives are like candles that are always burning, guiding the direction of the family and bringing warmth and light.