After marriage, Xiaojing's desire to control is very strong.
When she can't reach her husband, she will be bombarded with crazy messages.
The macho husband can't satisfy Xiaojing's emotional value, so when she meets the gentle and considerate A, she can't help but fall.
But one day after the cheating, she suddenly realized: She doesn't love her husband, and she doesn't love A.
The double pull of moral and emotional dependence made her feel terrible.
She confessed: "My husband and A seem to be my tools. They have to satisfy my emotional values, and if they don't, I'll get angry and hate them. But thinking about it in hindsight, it seems that I can't find someone better and dependable, so I have to swallow my grievances and live in a daze. ”
Her eyes were filled with emptiness and helplessness.
Emotional dependence that cannot be obtained in marriage and hope can be found outside of marriage often stems from a lack of trust in the outside world and a sense of unworthiness of self.
People who lack love in marriage sometimes have extramarital affairs in order to get love, which is a typical lack of emotion.
If you want to be loved, you often can't have true love.
Essentially, it has to do with the lack of emotional interaction between others in the outside world. As a result, the need for love evolves into a ...... of asking for love, deceiving love, running away from love, hating love, and being disappointed
Express emotions for the sake of love, not for the sake of emotional dependence.
To love for the sake of emotional dependence often gets: self-dissatisfaction with the outside world, and lack of confidence in the outside world.
Honest belief in love, sincere interaction with others in the outside world, and no change due to the behavior of others in the outside world.
By being sincere in the face of emotions and gradually establishing a healthy intimate relationship, you can feel loved.
When it comes to her family of origin, she keeps repeating that when she was young, her parents were grumpy, and the controlling family affection suffocated her.
Hurry up and grow up and leave home" became the only thing she had to do.
After giving birth to her daughter, she was satisfied with whatever her daughter wanted.
Because she believes that only by doing this can her daughter grow up in a loving environment, and she will not be deceived by scumbags in the future.
On the surface, Xiao Jing became a doting mother of her daughter due to the trauma of her original family.
It is human nature to love your own daughter, butBehind the excessive doting, she wants to make up for her lack of self-emotion through such behavior.
People who lack love often continue to convey to the outside world that "I have the ability to love others" to show their confrontation with the environment, the repair of their own psychological wounds, and their desire for love.
Seeing the happiness of othersPeople who lack love will imitate the behavior of the other person and believe to a certain extent that they can get love if they do it right.
But after many verifications, she found that no one can give her the love she wants.
So I deceived myself and came to the conclusion that "there is no true love in this world, others are deceiving me, and I will never get it."
While dissatisfied, I want to live in a state of twisting.
A sense of unworthiness arises from this.
Satisfying your daughter's emotional dependence does not solve your own emotional dependence.
Emotional dependence outside of marriage does not solve the problem of lack of emotional dependence within marriage.
For those who can't swim, it's useless to change the pool.
Changing the pool and changing people is all about avoiding the problem, not solving the problem.
People who lack love often think that as long as they get love, they solve the problem of emotional dependence.
To ask for emotional value is to escape the subject of "I lack love", to try".Let others help me solve my lack of love". Building hope on others has once again pushed oneself into the abyss of pain.
Distinguishing between subjective feelings and objective facts, having the foundation to fundamentally make yourself better, recognizing your underlying thinking logic, and adopting the right ways and methods to manage intimate relationships is a reliable way to feel loved.
I am Xiao Dan, who has been an emotional counselor for three years, has trained 90+ emotional listeners, and received visits for 200 hours. Now a professional writing therapy sharer, committed to helping women with insufficient happiness after marriage, learn to understand human nature, control human nature, gain control of relationships, achieve emotional independence, spiritual independence, and improve life happiness, if you need reliable emotional counseling, writing therapy services, welcome to talk to me