The final exams are over, and the Spring Festival is coming. At this time, for some post-80s and post-90s, some childhood memories will come to mind.
When relatives get together, there will always be an enthusiastic aunt who asks, "How many points did you get in the exam?" ”
There will always be a boisterous uncle who says, "Come! Let's put on a show! ”
If you twist and pinch at this time, your parents will be very dissatisfied, and after a reproach, they will add: "Look at other people's children!" ”
Today, many of them have become parents after experiencing repressive education. Everyone also suddenly found that the atmosphere of the New Year's festival has changed, and everyone's slogan is the same: do not compare children's grades, do not force children to perform, and do not force children to call people. A new batch of "three no" parents was born. How has this changed?
Wang Hui is a post-90s generation, as an only daughter, her parents gave her all their love, and materially her parents have always tried their best to give her the best. But Wang Hui felt heavy psychologically, because the love of her parents is a kind of love that pursues perfection.
Her parents' request to her is to reflect on her body every day, find her own shortcomings every day, and then correct them and become a perfect girl.
When she was a child, when she scored 99 points in the exam, she would get a sentence: Why did she deduct one point, what was wrong? When her parents knew that she was wrong very young, they would come to a sentence, whether she was wronged or not, otherwise she would get a full score?
But when she scored 100 points in the exam, the happy look on her parents' faces also flashed, and then she would add, don't be proud, don't get carried away, and continue to work hard.
So Wang Hui's childhood had such a cycle: if something is not done well, it is a series of heavy blows, and then it rises to this point and will be finished sooner or later; If things are done well and the parents are not satisfied, they will hit it with the aim of preventing the child from being proud.
When Wang Hui grew up, she had a fear of not succeeding, and when she was very happy, she had an instinctive sense of guilt, and when she encountered good things, she was happy for only two seconds, as if there was a huge crisis lurking behind good things.
Fortunately for Wang Hui, she has reflected on her own state, and she does not want to pass on this mentality to her next generation.
Now that she treats her daughter, Wang Hui tries her best to avoid the repressive education of the older generation before. She will not focus on the child's ** deficiency and try to make up for it.
What she wants her children to see is what we get today. After school, she will ask, what did you learn today and what fun happened?
Seeing the child's 80-point test paper, she wants the child to know that she has obtained 80-point knowledge, isn't this worth encouraging?!
This seemingly inconspicuous change in perspective is actually a change in mentality.
Wang Hui also hopes that her children will succeed and get ahead, but she only stays at the level of hope, and she will not force her children.
The quality she wants her children to have most is that she can do things seriously and be brave enough to say no. Able to work sincerely, and not afraid of leadership. has its own position, and will not be internally deprived because of being denied, and can listen to suggestions with an open mind, but it is not controlled by authority.
Material resources are certainly valuable resources, but the most scarce spiritual resource is actually encouragement.
Encouragement is not the same as praise, it does not make people fluttering, nor does it make people feel pressured, but it is a kind of power that allows people to continue to remain calm in any situation.
Zhang Yi is a typical post-80s generation who is filial under the stick.
In the concept of Zhang Yi's parents, they should be strict with boys, not only mentally, but even physically.
If you don't study seriously, just give a beating;
If you don't listen to your parents, you can just beat them up.
The older generation seems to rarely understand what the reason behind the children's lack of serious study and disobedience is.
It's as if they say too many words of encouragement to their children, they are pampering them, especially boys, which are the most unproductive.
When Zhang Yi became a father, he began to reflect on this education.
What impressed Zhang Yi the most was that when his son was in the third grade, he suddenly didn't want to go to school one day. If you go back in time to his childhood, not wanting to go to school is definitely a very serious problem.
The parents' thinking is, what if they don't want to go to school and can't keep up with the curriculum? What should I do if I can't keep up with the final exam and fail the final exam? What should I do if I can't go to a good middle school if I fail the final exam? What should I do if I can't get into a good middle school or get into college? If you can't get into college, your life will be ruined!
It was a small matter of not wanting to go to school, which triggered the strongest fear of parents, and under the fear, they were only angry and coercive with their children.
Faced with the problem that his son does not want to go to school, Zhang Yi's first thought is to encourage, and the first step of encouragement is to know the real reason why the child does not want to go to school.
When Zhang Yi really lowered his father's posture, his son was willing to tell him that the real reason why he didn't want to go to school was actually because he didn't memorize the texts for fear of being criticized by the teacher.
Zhang Yi's approach is to face it with the children: "This text is indeed very long, and it is not easy to memorize it all. ”
Read it a few more times, reminisce a little more, and you'll remember even more! ”
In fact, when children do encounter problems and bottlenecks, their immature hearts have been frustrated to a certain extent, at this time parents should stand with their children and rebuild their confidence and perseverance little by little.
After his son had memorized the text, Zhang Yi found that although the child was willing to go to school, he was still a little timid.
Zhang Yi followed the advice of the psychologist and rewarded the child with a sweet candy and a delicious lollipop cheese ...... every day before going to schoolLet your child gradually associate school with sweet encouragement.
Zhang Yi said that the so-called spiritual growth is to remove the external shackles, and only encouragement can make people do it. Praise and criticism will be easy to load new shackles on people's hearts, making people more outward-looking, when a person continues to seek outward, only blindly believing in the evaluation of others, it may even ruin their original goodness. Encourage people to return to themselves and be with their true selves, so that they can live their lives with all their glory.
The purpose of encouragement is to let children understand the nature of external evaluation, and help children see the relationship between things and him, so that children can get rid of praise and criticism in their future lives, and establish the internal motivation to work hard for themselves. Boldly affirm your child, encourage your child, and support your child every step of the way, and they will walk towards the light that belongs to him.
There are also post-80s, post-90s, post-00s, they have not become parents, but they have begun to encourage their children.
There is such a little story on the Internet that a girl rewarded herself with a birthday gift that turned out to be a stick cheese.
Maybe it's neglect, maybe it's the educational philosophy, when she was a child, she always wanted to ** cheese, and her parents never bought it. When she grew up, she used her own money and finally achieved cheese freedom. She is encouraging herself and nurturing her childhood.
In fact, encouragement never requires any rhetoric and abundant material. It can be a tiny gesture of kindness.
On the Internet, people often send out a report card asking for encouragement. Netizens in the comment area did not hesitate to praise: "You are the best!" "We've seen your efforts! This is perhaps the kindest encouragement from strangers;
Encouragement can also be a small dessert that rewards oneself, a ...... of cheese that a father hands to his child before going to school
Because in their eyes, only you are the best!
"It's great, it's going to be even better! ”
This is exactly the New Year's theme of Bajifu Bang Cheese 2024!
Milkana is a professional cheese brand of the French S**encia Group, with a brand history of 70 years, products in many countries around the world, and 20 years of deep cultivation in the Chinese cheese market.
Bajifu launched the Bangbang cheese product back in 2004. After nearly 20 years of continuous innovation and iteration, the product inherits the classic delicious taste while having rich nutrients such as calcium and protein.
Bajifu Bangbang Cheese does not add preservatives in the whole line, and strictly controls each Bangbang, so that every consumer can enjoy the deliciousness with peace of mind.
In 2024, Bajifu launched the New Year's Bangbang Cheese Limited Edition and Encouragement Red Envelopes, turning each Bangbang cheese into a small compliment, praising every performance of the child, and pairing it with New Year's red envelopes full of encouraging sentences, so that the red envelopes are not only heartfelt, but also innovative.
Because Bajifu believes that it is to encourage children to become better.
Be brave and try, great!
Read carefully, it's great!
Go to bed early and wake up early, it's great!
We can encourage our children, but we can also encourage ourselves!
Conclusion
Some people say that a family, even if it is surrounded by walls, as long as there are parents who are good at supporting, affirming and encouraging, such a family is the temple and source of children's spiritual growth. Not transferring one's anxiety, fear, and anger to the child, but only encouraging, recognizing, and supporting him is the child's greatest wealth and confidence.
On the road of children's growth, the role of parents is more to accompany and encourage.
When your child is getting better and better, don't forget to say to him, "Mom and Dad are so happy for you!" ”
When children encounter difficulties, don't forget to say that we are always there!
Accept the ordinariness of a child, just as a child does not ask how good his parents are.
If you can do this, you are no longer an ordinary person.
In 2024, let's not sweep the children's joy or our own happiness, use a stick cheese, a red envelope of encouragement, and a sentence of "great", to boldly express love and encouragement!