Do you often get stuck in the quagmire of emotions in life?
If someone else says something unintentionally, they will repeatedly suffer from internal friction and be unhappy all day long;
If something doesn't go the way, you will become extremely anxious, irritable, and never be able to calm down;
Obviously, I am very good and do many things well, but I always feel that there is a voice in my ears that keeps interfering, constantly denying my ......
There seems to be something tugging left and right in my heart, allowing myself to fall into self-doubt and self-attack over and over again.
In fact, this is our inner child, constantly getting in the way of it, disturbing our minds.
Shi Qijia, a psychologist, said: "Many people's negative self actually comes from childhood, and we call this negative self a traumatic inner child. ”
Shi Qijia has been engaged in trauma research for more than 20 years, helping nearly 10,000 people out of the psychological shadow, and is the "psychological master" in the hearts of countless visitors.
Later, based on years of clinical experience, he collected and published the best methods and wrote the book "Healing Your Inner Child".
In the book, he takes us back to childhood from the unique perspective of a psychiatrist and finds the injured inner child.
If you are often trapped in negative emotions and can't help yourself, this book can help you find the answers and get you**.
Adults who are not having a good time.
There is a wounded child living in the heart.
It is mentioned in the book that the author had received such a woman.
Women are unhappy in their marriages and are often subjected to domestic violence and abuse by their husbands.
But even so, she never thought of leaving, but thought it was fate.
And the root cause of all this is the unhappy childhood of the woman.
Due to the patriarchal preference of the original family, her birth brought countless hardships to her mother.
Grandmothers often abused their mothers and even forced her to divorce her father.
The mother who was so aggrieved that she couldn't bear it had to pour all the negative energy on her.
Growing up in the sound of scolding, she gradually formed an inferiority complex and cowardly character.
She looks down on herself and thinks she is worthless.
She was so beautiful that she felt ugly and didn't even dare to look up when she walked.
Young and beautiful, she has no shortage of excellent suitors, but she refuses.
In her opinion, she didn't dare to look up to happiness at all, so she found someone with the worst conditions and hurriedly married.
Unexpectedly, the other party saw that she was cowardly and bullied, and tried his best to abuse her and torture her.
Although it was painful, this kind of twisted relationship made her feel an indescribable sense of steadiness.
This strange state of mind has a term in psychology called "unstable stability".
It refers to people who have been abused since childhood, and will instead treat the abusive relationship as an intimate relationship.
Once you leave the abusive environment, you feel helpless and insecure.
People who have not been treated well by their parents since childhood often end up in a partner relationship that is not treated well;
People who lack praise and encouragement in childhood, even if they succeed in their efforts, always have a sense of insecurity;
People who grow up in violence hate fists and verbal abuse, but as adults, they also learn to solve problems in a violent way;
The author, Shi Qijia, concludes in the book:
When you are loved and satisfied in childhood, your inner child will become a sunny and warm "God" child.
But if it is not treated fairly, the inner child will turn into a runaway "demon" child, controlling the ...... of life
In reality, many people seem to be successful, but they have a fragile child at heart.
Osamu Dazai was not treated by his family since he was a child, he could only live with loneliness and depression, and he could not step into the cloud of depression in his life;
Leslie Cheung's original family was ruthless, which made him suffer from depression prematurely;
Eileen Chang's childhood was full of sorrow and misfortune, which led to her lifelong exile and eventual death.
It is mentioned in the book: The problem of a person's life is the shadow left by the trauma in his early years, he always lives with a traumatic inner child, if the inner child is not healed, a part of his self will always be stuck in that place, falling into a cycle of repetition.
The inner child who is not satisfied will become our life shortcomings when we grow up, hindering our growth.
All our lives, we have been in our own childhood.
The inner child is not seen.
It is the root of adult suffering.
In the book, the author also tells about a case study of consulting abroad.
The man was a bank president with a successful career and should have been said to be very happy, but he suffered from severe depression.
It turned out that when he was a child, he was first abandoned by his parents, adopted by others, and then abandoned and then adopted.
The experience of abandonment threw him into great anxiety and panic.
In addition to being frightened, he was often subjected to violence and abuse by his adopters.
At the age of 9, due to neglect of upbringing, he became a street gangster; It wasn't until he was 13 years old that he began to decide to change his destiny by reading.
A few years later, the man was admitted to university and had a good career.
On the surface, he escaped the fate of being displaced, but in fact he never escaped the troubles of his inner child.
He had been married once, but he was terrified.
Because he was always afraid that his wife would abandon him, he was on guard everywhere, and his nerves were tense to the extreme.
In order to relieve his fear and relieve himself, he had to file for divorce.
Soon after the divorce, he met a new girlfriend, but problems began to arise again.
Whenever his girlfriend wanted to get close, he frequently retreated, acting very nervous and scared.
After digging deeper, the counselor saw that the man had a frightened inner child living in his heart.
He longs for love and is afraid of being abandoned, so he can only flee again and again.
The book analyzes: "The inner child who has been abandoned longs for a more intimate relationship, but on the surface it wants to destroy the relationship. ”
The pain of being abandoned in his childhood always tightened his nerves.
As soon as a crisis arises, he will immediately back down or end the relationship decisively.
Behind these grotesque behaviors, in fact, is a defense mechanism that he has to adopt.
In this regard, the counselor guided him step by step, helping him to see his inner child and try to talk to him.
In this way, through repeated attempts, he gradually walked out of the shadow of his childhood.
Freud said, "In escaping from repressed reality to neurosis and dreams, one is returning to one's own childhood." ”
Behind the negative emotions is the internal instinctive reaction of the child after the stress.
When we can't get enough of it, our inner child will become angry, sad, panic and other out-of-control emotions, tightly entwining us;
When we are insecure, our inner child becomes a sensitive nerve that causes us to become jealous, have low self-esteem, procrastinate, and even constantly deny ourselves.
Carl Jung said, "The inner child is the light above all light, the leader of the **." ”
Ignoring the internal causes, it is easier to treat the symptoms than to cure the root causes.
Only by tracing the roots and seeing the inner child can we have a purpose and truly open self-healing.
Embrace your inner child.
It's the beginning of adulthood.
There is a saying in the book:
It turns out that those negative emotions are the key to helping us enter the door of inner exploration, which can help us understand our inner wounds, empathize with each other, and finally allow us to see each other and truly achieve healing.
There was a short film of "Survivor" on the Internet, which poked the tears of countless people.
The author, Hannah Grace, suffered from anxiety and depression, and finally got out of the low point of life through self-encouragement and positive suggestion.
She incorporated this experience into a short film that was eloquent, inspiring, and uplifting.
In the short film, the girl who is about to have a birthday sits alone.
Her mind was full of self-denial: "You're not good enough!" "You'll never be that great! ”
When she looked at her friend's group photo, all she heard was disgusted: "They won't think of you!" "Nobody cares about you! ”
Stunned, she falls into a bottomless hollow, and in a corner, she finds a child trapped in chains.
Countless negative voices turned into chains entangled with him: "You are a loser!" "Nobody loves you! ”
The child was chained in layers, unable to move, and was about to be buried in chains.
Suddenly, she suddenly realized that the child who was chained was not her own self who was frequently injured?
She walked up to the child and said with great pity, "You are important! ”
Then, she hugged the child tightly and hugged and reconciled with the inner child who had been injured for many years.
Finally, the girl came out of the gray hollow, saw the sun, and met the flowers.
As if she had been reborn, she said to herself, "You've finally done it!" ”
The ** experience of the children in the short film has also inspired countless people.
Embracing and loving your inner child is the cure for childhood trauma.
So how?
"True healing is the process of re-incubating oneself," the book says. ”
You might as well calm down first, return to your heart, and comfort your past self with the power of the present.
Find the injured child in the corner, listen to him open his heart, tell his grievances and unwillingness, and vent the pressure that has accumulated for a long time.
Use companionship to **loneliness, praise **inferiority, and use empathy **grievances.
Break the psychological shackles of "I can't", "I'm not worthy", and "I'm not good", and learn self-identity, self-understanding, and self-release.
When you rediscover your innocence, your inner child will be reborn.
After the inner child finally completes the healing, those scars that have been accumulated will eventually grow into a hard shell, becoming the strongest armor in life.
At the end of the book, there is a sentence that is very poignant:
Having good parents is, of course, a continuation of a good relationship, and having bad parents, this relationship will be passed on in a traumatic way, which we call "intergenerational transmission of trauma".
Parents who have caused us harm may also have an inner child who has been hurt in their hearts.
In the process of parenting, he inadvertently transforms his own pain into his children.
Complaining about them doesn't help, and only by accepting reality and healing ourselves can we stop the intergenerational transmission of trauma.
There was a popular saying on the Internet: "The real hero of a family is not to direct others to what they should do, but to stop the toxic cognitions, beliefs, habits, etc. repeated by the original family in time, so that the wheel of continuous circulation can be stopped." ”
Give it a thumbs up, replace negative cognitions with positive thoughts, and accept and transform all misfortunes with a sunny mindset.
You will eventually accompany your inner child to step out of the shadow of your original family and embark on a better journey in life.
Author: Insight Apron Scholar.