The idea is beautiful, the reality is cruel. Since childhood, a frail and sickly child, the strength of life miraculously let me grow up too**, the ancients said that there must be a blessing after the catastrophe, my blessing may be that I am still alive!?
I was the first superlife after family planning after the 80s, growing up in a poor family with many children, my parents worked in the fields all the year round, went out early and returned late, and even set up a thatched house under the corner of the mountain, went out at dawn and returned after dark, and only came home for a lack of food to spare, and my father would go home for a few nights during the New Year's holidays, and hurried back to his other one' Home', that is, distressed and hard and helpless, all my life I know that plowing the ground, growing food, just to make a living, only my mother accompanies us more in my memory, I also became stubborn, the idea at that time is, marry farther, live a lot back to accompany the family, not good, they can't see my situation, they won't be sad, out of sight and out of mind!
Later, I met my boyfriend ......Although they are all from Yunnan, but the distance is not close, we have no banquet, no wedding dress, no wedding ring, no blessing of relatives and friends, and even no meeting of parents, two people who make their own decisions began to live like this, as long as 7 8 years of marathon love, divided and combined, combined and divided, and finally played with feelings by fate, facing real life, ruined all my good expectations, all my own thought all bounced back and hit my face, so painful and helpless, painful that I did not listen to persuasion to choose this marriage, helpless yourself has no way to retreat, go forward, I can't take care of my loved ones, I can't protect myself, go backwards, what should the child do? is so innocent, one less person is a blow to the child......
Everything is your own decision, there is nowhere to complain, others are not not persuaded, love can be talked about by two people, but marriage is the relationship between two families, I chose the former, very painful price, life and work, good are all happy, bad is all my fault, all thanks to me, no matter what never move the mouth and do not act, the mouth is very good, the steps are motionless, etc or so on, I would rather find a thousand reasons not to do it than make an excuse for an action, once or twice nothing, Because I don't like to quarrel or argue, I always think that it is right for the pure to keep the good. Coax me how big the ugly things can be written off, I don't like to hold grudges, remember that unhappy is unnecessary, and I don't like to turn over the past, it's over, and my nature is weak and loving ......
A lot of experiences in life are like designed drawings, the marriage road let me experience another different road, when I found that I woke up inappropriate and wanted to quit, the child also came, and once again chose to compromise with life, I never stopped going to work after knowing him, I went to work during pregnancy to the due date, and I went back and forth alone during the entire pregnancy for various prenatal examinations, except for the caesarean section that gave birth to the child, which required the family to sign to come to the hospital, and the life after that was also very dull, I went back to work for almost three months, Accounting work done at that time. The boss is also good to me, but also my efforts to pay without asking for return in exchange for trust and recognition, easy work, free time, as long as it does not affect the work, with children is fine, the salary is not high, but I am also very lucky, of course, I also experience all kinds of family conflicts, when the child is sick and uncomfortable I slowly get through it, he blames me for not taking care of it, and disturbs his sleep, pouring a glass of water is a very reluctant attitude, the heart is more uncomfortable than sick, countless nights of two people live alone to take care of the child, I just want to be a deaf person at that minute, I can't rely on him financially, I haven't seen him a penny, his parents are very good to me, I don't know if it's because I can't see each other a few times a year, anyway, treat me as a daughter, his parents will give some money, it's his!
In order to increase my income, I also started a side hustle, Internet entrepreneurship, and I made and lost money, and I was also deceived ......
I started a life with him and no different from him, I didn't want to communicate with him, and I didn't want to discuss with him, because I didn't do it, I made money for the family, and I lost my own responsibility, no matter what I discussed, there are always more excuses than actions, and I don't ask him for money, and I don't want to talk much, and not breaking the cold water is the greatest encouragement and support for me. I don't ask him to have more skills, I just want him to care more about me, understand me more, encourage me more, and speak coldly and attack ...... less
Slowly, I stopped expecting him to change our family, not expecting or pleasing him, and being our own character. Make money by yourself and make yourself good, other fate, as long as a year or so of separation, and I don't have that passion anymore, and then I said, you are very good, and I am not bad, but I really feel that we are not suitable, the rest of my life is precious, let's end it! He began to be silent, he mentioned it many times before to no avail, I was reluctant and he was unwilling, and he compromised again and again, because he had no children at that time. can get by, with children, I am more determined, not so easy to coax, even if it is not divided for the time being, but I can't go back, except for each holding a mobile phone, there is no language communication and communication, so it's been a long time. Maybe he figured it out, and he said that no matter if I turn back or not, he will come back to me .........