Rousseau repeatedly mentioned in Emile that reasoning with children is the most useless education. If we can't reason with our children, we can't lose our temper with our children, how can we educate our children?
Education does not depend on roaring
Teaching by example is more important than words
Once I went to a relative's house for dinner, her child was 4 years old, and it was the time to be lively and active.
Either she made a mess of the candy tray or drew around with a watercolor pen, and there was not a moment of leisure, and her mother was heartbroken about it.
While criticizing her for being disobedient, she cleaned up after her.
At dinner time, the child covered the table with all the grains and soiled his clothes.
The relatives finally couldn't control their anger and yelled at her: "What's the matter with you? Do you want to disgrace me? ”
I saw her daughter frightened, sitting there not moving, with tears in her eyes.
The relative blasted her daughter back into the room, got up to clean up the table, and I helped by the side, asking her, "Do you often yell at children like that?" ”
She said helplessly: "What can I do, how many times I have taught her and still not change, how much reason I tell her, she will not listen, and she will not be obedient if she is not scolded." ”
I said, "You don't have to yell, the next time she soils the table, you can give her a rag and let her clean up the table with you." ”Just yelling at the child, the child will feel wronged; Just reasoning, the child can't understand it.
For a child, he can't tell right from wrong at all, he just wants to do what he likes to do. No matter how much his parents said, they couldn't resist his desire to try.
In that case, don't threaten him with yelling, but set an example to him so that he understands what is the right thing to do.
In order for children to understand reason, parents must first be reasonable and accompany their children to progress and grow together.
Education is not management
Rather, it is to demonstrate and guide
Teaching by word and deed is an education method that has been practiced in China since ancient times.
However, in today's world, where education is becoming more and more important, this simplest and most important way of education has been repeatedly neglected.
Parents often require their children to do well in the exams, to be obedient enough, and to wait with sticks and verbally scold once they do not do well.
Only forgot,If you want to educate your children well, you must first educate yourself well.
In fact, the child is a copy of the parents, and most of the problems in the child are rooted in the parents.
If a parent often swears, even in front of their children, then the child slowly learns to swear. When parents find out that their children are infected with this bad habit and scold their children with all kinds of ugly words, isn't this even worse?
On the contrary, if a parent usually pays attention to his manners and conversation, and can maintain good civilized etiquette even in front of his children, then the child will be well influenced and become a civilized and polite person.
Therefore, parents' wrong words and deeds will bring great hidden dangers to the growth of children; Only the correct guidance of parents can affect the healthy growth and success of children.
Almost all troubled children come from troubled families, and excellent children are inseparable from excellent parents.
Educator John Dewey said, "Education is not a matter of being told and told, but an active and constructive process." ”
If parents want to "build" their children's excellent qualities, they must "take the initiative" to do a good job of demonstration and guidance, and it is useless to just talk about it.
Being a good role model and taking the lead is the simplest and most important education we can give our children.
Parents set a good example
It is the best education for children
I remember Dong Qing said: "What kind of person you want your child to become, you must first be what kind of person you want to be." ”
Parents have a great influence on their children, not in what we do for our children, but in what we do.
Prove everything with actions, so that children can see and learn, which is better than a thousand words of nagging.
The most famous "one subject and three bachelors" in the Song Dynasty is a miracle about family education.
Su Shi and Su Zhe's father, Su Xun, only started reading when he was 27 years old, and whenever the children played, he hid in the corner with a book to read.
Slowly, the two children became interested in their father's books, stopped playing games, and read hungrily with their father's collection.
Su Xun was worried about being surpassed by his two sons, so he studied very hard, Su Shi and Su Zhe were not far behind, and the three of them studied hard after me.
Later, the father and son were admitted to the Jinshi together, and all three of them were among the best, which became a beautiful talk that has been passed down to this day.
Parents don't have to give their children mountains of gold and silver, nor do they have to earn money for their children for a lifetime. When we set a good example for our children, education begins.
Children's ability to imitate is very strong, and every move of parents is a force that affects the child's life.
Leo Tolstoy said: "All education, or education in nine hundred and ninety-nine thousandths, comes down to example." ”
There is never a starting point or threshold for educating children, and some are just the tireless companionship and example of parents.
The pattern of parents
It is the starting point of a child's life
If children are compared to small boats, then parents are letting their children sail to a long river in the distance.
The river must be wide enough for the child to sail with the wind, and it must be long enough to carry the child farther away.
Parents are not only role models for children, but also determine the starting point of children's lives.
The ancients said: Dragons give birth to dragons, phoenixes give birth to phoenixes, and rats give birth to holes. The values of parents determine the destiny of a child for life.
Huang Lei once said to his daughter that happiness is to choose a favorite way to live, to learn to be honest, to be loyal to the heart, honesty is also a brave character.
Bai Yansong once said to his son, learn to be tolerant, tolerance can soothe others, and you can also learn to be kind to yourself.
They not only teach children a good example by word and deed, but also show children the vastness of the world, and illuminate the children's future life path with warm human character.
There is no more effective education for parents than "managing yourself".
It is full of self-sufficiency in words and deeds, and it also conveys the power of example; It points out the essence of education and the influence of home education.
In short, dogma is not important, upbringing is important.
Makarenko said: "A parent's requirements for oneself, a parent's respect for one's family, a parent's attention to one's every behavior, this is the first and most important method of education. ”
The real preparation of education is to improve oneself, and if you want to tell the truth that can let your child fly, parents must have the mind and height of the blue sky.