1 Playing chess with the uncle in the park, I was a little nervous, and after taking the first step, the uncle was silent for a long time. "You should be a newbie, right?
I was shocked, "Uncle, how do you know?"
I've been playing here for a few years, and I haven't been able to take the first step well...”
2 In the past two days, I often went to the night market with my husband at night, and I bought a grilled squid last night, I took a bite and asked my husband if he wanted to eat it, he looked at it with disgust and said: You actually eat a bite and ask me if I want it, it must be difficult to eat......You you you ......That's right!
3Recently, an online shopping platform was accused of being ...... by Qianfu because of too many fakesA friend bought a bottle of wine on it, and when communicating with the customer service, he said: Fake one pays three. So he placed an order with confidence, and three days later he received four bottles of wine.
4There is an old man selling scones at the school gate, his scones are delicious, and I often take care of his business. At the beginning of this semester, I found that he had changed his career to selling meat sandwiches, so I asked him: "You used to sell that scone in a good business, why don't you sell it?"He said with a sad face: "You may not believe it, but after a summer vacation, I forgot the recipe for scones!."”
5 girlfriend took her little nephew to the playground to play, the little nephew wanted to play pirate ship, my girlfriend thought there were many people in line, I said, "It's okay." My girlfriend complimented me: "You are so patient with children." I was so proud that I thought to myself, "Such a long queue can take a lot of time and save a lot of money." ”
6 I just saw a sentence describing my roommate, I laughed with tears and was speechless: What is a roommate?The roommate will not lose 500 yuan on the table, and there will be a bunch of melon seed skins left when he comes back from buying a bag of melon seeds.
7 Today I had breakfast with my colleague Xiao Yang to work, just entered the company, other colleagues coaxed, asked why we came together, I said we met in the noodle restaurant to eat noodles, after eating together, other colleagues on all kinds of unbelief, all kinds of coaxing, all kinds of jokes, not to say that I and my colleague Xiao Yang came together after getting up in the morning, other colleagues just want to make me and Xiao Yang together, this thing must be stopped. Otherwise, others will think that our company is a marriage agency!
8 In the summer, it was hot, and I couldn't sleep at night, so I turned on the air conditioner to 16 degrees. The colleague shivered coldly and complained, "Why are you driving at such a low temperature?"It feels like I'm sleeping in a morgue!”
9 "Master, I was already dark, but when it comes to summer, I get even more tanned, and everyone else makes fun of me, what should I do?”
Without saying a word, the master leisurely opened the temple door and let the sunlight shine in.
I understand Master, you're telling me to open my heart and not care what other people think, right?＂
No, I just want to see clearly, where the hell are you, donor?!
10 A buddy picks the door, and he is reluctant to throw anything at home.
One day I went to his house and he was taking a cold shower.
I said, "Brother, what's wrong with you?"How do you take a cold shower on such a cold day?”
He said something that I will never forget: "There are still two packs of cold medicine left at home, and if you don't take it, it will expire!."
11 The first time my friend went to her boyfriend's house to meet her parents, her boyfriend opened the door for her mother, and when she entered the door, she tripped over the threshold, and knelt down directly, supported the ground with her hands, and shouted in her mouth: Ouch. Damn..Everyone was stupid, and then her boyfriend and her mother said: It's okay to call Mom, you don't have to do such a big courtesy..What a gift. What a gift. Hello!
12 Recently, I went to the square to skip rope every day in order to **. It's a little hot these days, so I went in my skirt. On the way home after jumping, my son said mysteriously: Mom, your butt was exposed when you jumped rope......Son, are you my own?Why didn't you say ...... earlierThat's a lot of people!
13And a husband and wife were to go on a journey, and the husband was asked to go first, because of the wife's troubleAfter the husband arrived, he wanted to send a message to his wife to say that he was safe, but he accidentally typed a wrong number and sent it to the mobile phone of a lady who had just died of her husband.
The family took the mobile phone and saw that it was written: Dear wife, I have arrived safely. The mountains and rivers here are beautiful, the scenery is pleasant, come on, I will wait for you!
14. A forty-five-year-old man has been on a blind date more than 100 times and is still single.
Recently, the 45-year-old man was still single on more than 100 blind dates, and the matchmaker complained that he was looking for a post-90s generation, and the man responded: I have a baby face and look tender. It seems that people nowadays are very demanding!