1 The son shouted that his classmates' parents were leading him to a haunted house, and he wanted to go too, so I said, no, you are still young, and it is easy to scare you.
The son insisted on it, and the family of three went to the haunted house to play on the weekend, thinking that the child would be scared, but he didn't expect to shout loudly as soon as he came out, "I thought the ghost was so scary, it wasn't scary when my mother was angry!".Hearing this, my wife's face was black!
2When my cousin was young, he suddenly smoked cheap cigarettes for a while, and stopped drinking beer, so he saved money to buy a lot of meat buns. I found out that he was sneaking around to feed Lao Li's dog.
I asked, "You don't mean to go to Lao Li's house to steal something, do you?"The cousin lit a cigarette: "I'm going to his house to go on a blind date with his daughter in two days, I want his whole family to welcome me, including the dog!."”
3 sent his girlfriend home and saw a wedding car parked in front of her house, and there were many balloons in the car. My girlfriend said she wanted a balloon, but there was no one around, so I leaned over and got one. She said she didn't have enough, she wanted it. I went over and took it again, this time thinking of taking a few more, so as not to say enough. But when I just took the first one, the window opened, and a brother in the car stared at the balloon in my hand and said, "Dude, don't pick it up again, leave me a little more, and I have to pick up my kiss tomorrow!". ”
4 My buddy broke up with his girlfriend and wanted to comfort him, he said very domineeringly: "The general trend of the world, we must be together for a long time, and we must be divided for a long time." Women are dogs!”
After a few days, I found out that he was on good terms with his girlfriend again.
When asked what was going on, he said, "People and dogs are not over!."”
5 When I watched a movie with my first love, I sent her home very late after watching the movie, and when I got downstairs to her house, she said it was too dark to go up, I yelled and turned on all the lights in the corridor, and then said to her that you can go up now, and then I have been single and I want to pump myself every time I think of this moment.
6My colleague is 25 years old, and he and his wife still don't want a child, so my mother has been urging them to have a child. My colleague said, "I've been too busy lately. His father, who was sitting in the corner, spoke: "Don't you even have a minute?"”
7. The company arranged for me to go abroad for two months, and when I went home, my mother took my hand and asked for warmth, saying that I was thin and distressed, and she wanted to cry ......It's almost time to eat, my mother asked me what I want to eat, let your dad buy it, I told my mom a lot of dishes I like, my mom looked back at my dad, "Hear, what does my son want to eat, buy it quickly, I must raise my son's slimmed down flesh and meat, otherwise the next time others say that my son is ugly, I will be embarrassed to say that he is ugly because he is fat, and he looks good when he loses weight".
8The tablemate had a cold and runny nose, but he forgot to bring a handkerchief, so he kept sucking the snot into his nose hard. The Chinese teacher who was writing on the blackboard suddenly turned around and shouted, "Enough!."Stop me!It's noisy!The class was silent. The teacher said, "Who the hell eats noodles so loudly in class?"”
Teacher 9: "Xiao Ming, why do you always eat snacks during class?"”
Xiao Ming: "Because there is a teacher, no one dares to rob it." ”
Teacher: "You go out and come back after eating, no one will rob you, go ahead!."”
10 Lao Wang: My wife and I have been married for 30 years, and we always hold hands on the street.
Xiao Wang: Your relationship is so good!
Lao Wang: As soon as I let go, she will go shopping.
11What melon you can't eat, but you can see?
Q: What kind of water can't be drunk?
A: Salary. Q: How did pigs die?
Answer: Stupid.
Q: Who is Mi's mother?
A: Peanuts, because of "peanuts".
Q: Who is sick in the Three Kingdoms?
Answer: Wei Yan (gastritis).
Q: How do pigs get up trees?
A: As long as you know the answer.
Question: What melon can't be eaten, but can be seen?
A: You fool.
12After getting along for so long, you are actually a woman?
A bold girl, when she was just in junior high school, she cut her hair short. Two months after the start of school, I played well with a man at the same table, and I went in and out of pairs all day long, disliking and helping each other, just like brothers. Once, when he was going to fill out the physical examination form for the school physical examination, he looked at her physical examination form and said with a stunned face: After getting along for so long, you are actually a woman?