1 Today my cousin got married and met a beautiful bridesmaid, I haven't seen it once before, two years younger than me!LZ makes full use of all kinds of personality charm to get a mobile phone number. Don't be in a hurry to be envious. Later, my grandfather came over and saw the girl next to me, so he enthusiastically introduced me: Xiaojian, come, this is your distant aunt, she just came back from Taiwan, and called ..There are some things that must be made clear, right, Auntie!
2 In the office, I sat face to face with a goddess colleague, and today she was there again and said: Alas!Why did my mother make me beautiful, causing me to be surrounded by a group of men all day long, and I was embarrassed to refuse others, what should I do now?It's very melancholy!Hearing this, I picked up the cup in my hand and spilled ......The goddess colleague said: I understand, I should be like a water and always be sober. Me: That's not what it means, it's not beautiful, it's a scoop of water, and it's all ghosts when you take off your makeup.
3. The younger brother brought a group of friends home for dinner, and after a while, the younger brother mysteriously went to the kitchen and said to the mother who was cooking, "There is one of these who is your future daughter-in-law." My mother didn't even look up and said, "It's the one in the white dress." The younger brother was surprised and said, "Mom, you are really divine, how can you see it?"Mom said lightly: "Because she is the most annoying thing among these people." ”
When I was 4 years old, I once told my dad that in order to coax me, he threw powder on my face and painted a bloody ghost makeup!Then I chased my dad, and my dad deliberately pretended to be very scared, hiding **, and I forgot that I had a toothache when I was happy!I was having fun, my mom came back from outside, I deliberately made a terrifying sound, and pounced on my mom with my mouth open, and my mom casually snapped the sole of my shoe and called me in the face, yes, the sore tooth just fell out!
5 Student: "Teacher, I want to quit school!."Teacher: "Drop out?".What do you want to do when you drop out?Student: "I want to be a black club!."Teacher: "Then you should go to school!".Student: "Why?".Teacher: "Have you learned how to punch people in your Chinese teacher, have you learned how to slap people in your math teacher, have you learned how to shout kung fu in your English teacher, and have you learned how to kick people in your physical education teacher?"Student: "Teacher, I'm back in class!."”
6. My friend brought me a few packs of beef cubes with sauce flavor and flavor, which were very delicious, but they didn't look good at black and mushy. During the meal, I specially prepared one for the little nephew, and the little nephew looked at the sauce-flavored beef, and looked at me with a blank eye: Uncle, although I didn't do well in the final exam, you can't let me eat lamb baba!
7. On the day of the high school entrance examination, my mother sent me to the test center, and the entrance of the test center was full of people.
My mom looked at it and said, "Why are there so many people?."”
Me: "Don't worry, Mom, I'm not nervous no matter how many people there are." ”
My mother didn't seem to hear me, so she swept her eyes around and said to me, "Girl, go in by yourself, I'll go home and pull our big refrigerator, so many people have to sell as many popsicles!."”
8 The family has a golden retriever and a cat. When my wife and I got home last night, we saw that the toilet rolls had been ripped into the living room and torn to pieces. The wife caught the dog and the cat together, pointed to the roll of paper and said, "Who made the ghost?!".The cat rubbed his wife's calf with his head, and "meowed" and lay down coquettishly, while the golden retriever squinted and lowered his head. The wife picked up the cat and poked the golden retriever's head and said, "I knew it was you!.""I'll go!I think it's a cat trickster!!
9 second-hand friends were deceived of 1200 yuan for playing games, and after calling the police, they were told that there was no way to file a case if they were not enough for 2000, and the powerful second goods sent 800 yuan to that account. Do you say that ** is happy, or is it very happy?
10When I was in elementary school, I thought that I wouldn't let her talk to other men more when I married a daughter-in-law in the future. When I was in junior high school, I was thinking, I can't marry someone who has held hands with others and kissed each other in the future, but in high school, forget it, the principle that the minimum must not be overcome, it has to be a **, and now it's ......Woman in **?
11 and his brother sighed: "Alas, the current physical store business is not good!."I'm afraid it's going to be the world of e-commerce in the future!”
The brother ate a peanut, took a sip of beer, and said slowly: "Fortunately, I chose to open a barber shop at that time, and there is no courier to perm my hair!"”
12A: What is the difference between a goddess and a fat woman?
B: The difference between the goddess and the female fat man, the goddess is that the top three buttons can't be buttoned, and the female fat woman can't be buttoned with the bottom three buttons!