1 I've been in a bad mood lately, and I've been listening to songs on a loop for the last time last night. Over and over again until tears run through the corners of your eyes!
My girlfriend woke up and saw that my face was full of tears, and she panicked: What's wrong with you?
I sighed and looked at my girlfriend: I failed to invest!
She was stunned, and then rushed over and hugged me tightly: It's okay, let's work hard to make money together in the future, I won't buy anything on Double 11!
I watched her clear all the shopping carts, let out a long sigh, and saved another half a year's salary!
2 I received a message from my female boss at night, and after careful study, I found that I had to read backwards: "Are you a pig, do you see if you are a pig, do you see if a pig is a pig, do you love me, do you hate me, I scold you, you see if you are eating, you have to work, or you have ...... to work with money.""Is she confessing to me or scolding me?
3 one day. Blackhead sees a beautiful woman in the car. The beauty kept looking at him. Smile at him. The blackhead's face was flushed with shame. A while. The beauty got out of the car. The blackhead also got out of the car. The blackhead followed her. Suddenly, the woman turned around. Asked, "Why are you following me?" said the black head, "You've been laughing at me in the car." Could it be that I have grains of rice on my face? The beauty smiled: "I don't wipe it off if I know."
4The husband asked his wife to cook, but the wife sat on the sofa and watched TV and ignored him.
After a while, my husband couldn't help urging again, and my wife pointed to the blue and white bowl in the cabinet and asked, "You bought this for more than 100,000 yuan, right?" ”
My husband nodded.
The wife asked again, "Are you willing to eat with it?" ”
The husband hurriedly shook his head: "This is a work of art, which is for appreciation." ”
The wife then said: "I was married to you for more than a million yuan, is it worth more than it?" Why are you willing to let me cook for you? ”
5 was late, ran all the way to the classroom, passed by a class, only to see a book fly out of the window and fall in the corridor, I picked up the book and threw it back, only to hear the whole class boiling.
Later, I found out that the teacher of that class checked the homework, and a classmate did not do any questions, and the teacher threw his book out and scolded him: "You want to be admitted to college, unless the book flies back by itself." ”
As soon as I finished speaking, I threw the book in!
6. Today, the company's leaders called our department: Is xx there?
I said, "Yes."
Leader: Let him come to my office.
I said, "Okay."
After hanging up, I don't know which leader hit **! Embarrassed!
7A rich woman took her dog for a walk, and met a beggar on the road. She arrogantly taunted the beggar: "You call my dog barking Dad, I'll give you a hundred yuan!" ”
The beggar said, "What if I scream ten times?" ”
The rich woman happily: "I'll give a thousand!" ”
The beggar immediately shouted "Dad" ten times at the dog, attracting a cloud of spectators. In front of everyone's eyes, the rich woman had to pay him.
The beggar took the money and shouted, "Thank you, Mom!" Thank you, Mom, ......”
8A man drove to a psychiatric hospital to deliver something, and just arrived at the hospital, but the tire of the car burst.
There he repaired the tires and, carelessly, threw the four screws on the tires into the sewer.
What should I do, he muttered in annoyance.
A psychopath passed by, and after reading it, he said: "You take the remaining 3 tires, pull out 1 screw each, and then install them on the spare tire, and then slowly drive to the city, and find a home to repair the car." ”
The man suddenly realized, and said, "Why are you so smart staying in a mental hospital?" ”
The patient said, "I'm here because I have a mental problem, not because I'm stupid!" ”
9 Last night, my six-year-old daughter was too naughty, let me beat up, in the morning I went to the bathroom in the crack of the door and saw my daughter put my toothbrush, in the toilet and put it back, the key is that I have beaten her several times before, when I brush my teeth, I don't think much about the smell, you say such a little villain, how is the revenge so strong, it seems that I have to be kind to the child in the future, in case I give me some medicine one day, I don't know how to die!
10Ever since he became mentally ill, he has become more energetic.
Recently, there have been long queues at the entrance of many hospitals, and they have come to apply for intermittent psychiatric certificates, and they also said that it is best to bring three licenses when driving on the road now: a driver's license, a driving license, and an intermittent psychiatric certificate.
Without further ado, I lined up to go to ......
Since I got mental illness, I have become more energetic.
Since yesterday I spent 30,000 yuan to get a "transient mental disorder", I have worn this card around my neck, and now my colleagues are good to me, my neighbors are also polite, and the boss wants to give me a raise every day!
Hey, what a good day when you're mentally ill! Don't mess with me, I'm a person of status.