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01 What is diffuse tension
Do you often feel stiff, emotionally anxious, and unable to relax? If you answered yes, then you may be in a state of pervasive tension.
In situations where we can be aware of our nervousness, such as meeting a stranger, just graduating from work, facing an important exam, speaking in public, not being able to complete an important task, .......The reason why we are aware of our nervousness in these situations is that often our bodies have a noticeable nervous response at this time: rapid heartbeat, sweating, blushing, shaking, speaking without confidence, etc.
In other situations, we are unaware of our nervousness, but we are in a state of anxiety and tension. These situations often arise in social situations or when we are alone, and the feeling of tension acts as a diffuse backdrop that forms the tone of our lives. Sometimes we say: is a person who thinks too much and is nervous. Have anxious personality disorder. Always sentimental, and can't sleep well when something happens. 」…
ActuallyThis diffuse tension that is the tone of everyday life can hurt us more than the obvious tension. Because it is not easily taken seriously, it is often ignored by us as a personality trait, or we are not aware that we are a nervous person at allUnless someone reminds you that your facial muscles are stiff and you haven't been letting up. This hidden tension, which is habitually ignored, is difficult for us to detect and correct, and it makes us tremble, unable to relax and show our abilities, and unable to enjoy the joy of life.
02Why are we always nervous?
A small part of the reason for nervousness is related to the innate temperament type of the person, that is, it is related to the nerve type. For example, people who belong to the depressive temperament type have weak and unbalanced neurological types, so when they encounter external stimuli, they have weak ability to resist stimulation because of their weak nerve regulation ability. In order to avoid the impact of external stimuli on themselves, they will show a protective posture accordingly, and become extremely sensitive. But in addition to congenital factors, it is more caused by acquired factors.
(1) A family atmosphere that attacks each other
Leo Tolstoy said: Happy families are all alike, and unhappy families have their own misfortunes. There is a kind of unfortunate family, which is the family that attacks each other. In such a family, family members have developed a strange way of getting along with each other to find each other's shortcomings and find each other's faults in order to gain their own strength. At first, it may just be that husband and wife are dissatisfied with each other, belittle each other, attack each other, be each other's bad critics, and never praise each other.
Later, when there are children, this way of getting along spreads to the relationship between parents and children. It is also possible that in such a family, there is no mutual depreciation between husband and wife, but children are always the object of belittlement and attack. Verbal violence is rife, leaving children in a state of fear at all times. The more serious problem is that living in such a family day after day, it is difficult for a person to relax, because he does not know when he may touch a certain "landmine" or blow up a "cannonball", so he must always maintain a high degree of vigilance. Many children are in a state of nervous breakdown, headache and tension since childhood, and when they go to the doctor, they often do not get a clear test result.
I would advise parents of children with this symptom to first review the family environment you have built for their children. Is it a relaxing environment in which children are free to unleash their natural instincts? It is very likely that the child's nervous breakdown and headaches are caused by the overly stressful and oppressive family environment you have constructed.
(2) Emotionally unstable and short-tempered parents
Such parents are always moody and emotionally like a roller coaster. For children, the family atmosphere they create is a rapidly changing environment that is not easy to adapt to. Growing up in a rapidly changing environment, you must always be vigilant – this is the survival instinct of every living being. Therefore, children who grow up in this environment are always worried and vigilant, and they are naturally prone to nervousness.
(3) A family where rules are more important than people
Some families are very strange and set a lot of rules for their children: as big as their children's test scores, as small as the posture of sitting on the sofa, what shoes and clothes should be worn, and so on. In fact, you will find that the parents in this kind of family are inherently aggressive. The so-called rules are just an excuse for them to unleash their aggression.
These parents often have a stern superego, and they tend to play a role in family life more like a police officer than a parent. Children living in such a family atmosphere must be depressing and unable to relax. They must always live by the rules, not live freely and easily. Such children tend to grow up to be serious, not relaxed, and always tremble because they are worried that they will conflict with the rules.
(4) Insecure children
There are many factors that can cause a person to feel insecure, from early trauma to early separation, to bullying, or because of parental discord. People who are insecure often have a hard time relaxing. I once met a person who was extremely insecure. He only sleeps two or three hours a day and smokes a lot. He has fallen into such a tense state that it is conceivable that his quality of life must be poor.
(5) People who have low self-esteem
The nervousness of a person with a low self-esteem is more obvious, because it is usually related to his low self-esteem. He always feels that he is inferior, and he is more worried that others will find out their shortcomings, so he is anxious, sensitive, and unable to relax. It is no exaggeration to say that tension has become a state of life for many people.
03How to check yourself for hidden nervousness
Ask yourself: Do you allow yourself to relax most of your alone time? Or do you always feel anxious and then engage in self-attack?
The answer for many people is probably that it is difficult to relax. So, what do people who are prone to nervousness, especially those who are prone to hidden tension, think in their hearts?
(1) There is a lot of self-attack
This is ** for demanding parents and families with too many rules. People who attack themselves a lot are usually very demanding of themselves, and they seem to have a policeman living in their hearts, always monitoring their every move, and once they find that they do not meet the standards, they will immediately punish them. The heart of a person who is very demanding of self is like a battlefield, and war is always going on.
If the human heart is compared to a home, such a person cannot create a comfortable inner atmosphere for himself, and always uses his inner home as a judgment ground and a guillotine, always wielding the big knife and hammer in his hand.
(2) There is a strong sense of distrust of the outside world
People who are prone to nervousness have a hard time really relying on others, and they either allow themselves to curl up in a ball or act aggressive, but neither of these practices allows them to build a harmonious and relaxed relationship with others. Their understanding of interpersonal relationships tends to be between strong and weak, between conquering and being conquered, rather than interdependent.
They are also in the habit of making negative speculations about the objective environment. For example, some people are always nervous when entering a new situation or meeting a stranger, because their initial basic assumptions about the objective environment are negative, and they think that others do not like them. These fleeting assumptions are often the same as what they experienced a long time ago.
To this day, these experiences still shape their behavior. Worse still, they will be fearful or hostile to the crowd and close themselves off. They suppress their own needs internally, like a closed bottle with too high internal pressure, and there is a danger of ** at any time.
(3) Easy to be anxious
Some people are always like ants on a hot pot in life, and they can't calm themselves down. They are impetuous, restless, and always feel that they are not in good shape, and they always feel that there is still a lot of unfinished business. People who are in a state of anxiety have their own rhythm of life disrupted.
Everyone is born with the ability to have a deep relationship with people or things, but they lose this ability and can only have a shallow relationship with people or things. Usually, such people do things more utilitarianly, that is, they instrumentalize themselves.
For example, he studies all day long, but in fact he doesn't like to study at all; is on a blind date all day long, but in fact, what he is looking for is not love at all, just a person suitable for marriage; He works overtime all day, but in fact, he doesn't love his work, and works hard just to earn money.
These people are busy with social goals one by one, but they are always in trepidation.
If a person lacks sufficient understanding of himself and society, he is prone to completely utilitarian and instrumentalize himself. In today's society, the reason why many people are on the verge of anxiety and depression is because they have excessively marketed themselves and sold themselves again and again according to the market. They underestimate their potential and identify too much with the labels that the outside world puts on them.
Everyone is priceless, and only by fully respecting themselves, understanding themselves, developing their own interests, and loving those who are truly worthy of love, can we establish a deep connection with the world and live a calm and down-to-earth life.
(4) Excessive self-control, many people are living according to the law of "should".
The so-called "should" refers to the rules about the outside world that were internalized in the early days. For example, how many tasks should be completed per day, how many articles should be written per day, there should be no fun, no time should be wasted, and so on. A person who lives in the law of ought disciplines himself as if he were a laborer.
04How to relieve your tension?
You need to understand one thing: life is not a battlefield, but a time.
(1) Stop self-attack and learn to enjoy life
Many people have a deep understanding of life and misinterpret the meaning of suffering. In order to achieve results and live happily, they never dare to let themselves live an easy and happy life. Please stop attacking yourself, because only when you make your life easy and comfortable can you truly find what you love to do, so as to achieve success and happiness.
(2) Try to trust others and soften down in dependence
Many people who are easily nervous are very aggressive because they are not good at working with people and have a hard time trusting others. In fact, what they need to do is to try to trust others, not attack or suppress them; Learn to rely on others and not overprotect your own vulnerable side. When they have interdependent relationships with others, they will relax, and then their vulnerability will have a place to rest, and there will be no more tension and fear.
(3) Reduce self-control and throw away unnecessary should laws
People who live according to the law of "should" everywhere are prone to lose their true selves, and thus become six gods and masters, and they cannot live in fear. Only when a person does not deliberately control himself will he have a moment of relaxation. So, learn to slow down and connect deeply with the world, so that you can find your own place to live. May you enjoy your life well, listen to your inner voice more, respect yourself, and try to relax.
If self-regulation is no longer effective, prompt counseling**. Accompanied by professional teachers, you will be guided to establish a safe connection with the world and repair the habitual anxiety that has developed over the years.
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