1After dinner, the son and daughter do their homework in the living room, and the manual work assigned in the school. The two children were busy and didn't do a good job. I was angry when I saw their stupidity. Me: Are you so stupid, are you still my own? Son: You didn't give birth to you, we were all born by our mothers. Speechless. I saw my wife's ghostly smile.
2 On the shore of West Lake in Hangzhou, a young man tries to show off his drone control skills in front of his friends. However, when he confidently let the drone take off, it unexpectedly flew towards a flock of ducks that happened to be passing by. The ducks were so frightened that they flew around, and the drone finally landed safely on an old woman who was feeding the ducks. This unexpected scene made the surrounding tourists laugh.
3 exams, bring in four cheat sheets, how to find two when you come out, and then the worry finally appeared: failing the course. What I didn't expect came out later: it was announced as a case at the student assembly: some classmates couldn't use the cheat sheets, so they were handed in in the papers. Then, I became a celebrity at school!
4. Yesterday I went to my father-in-law's house for dinner. The brother-in-law said, "Brother-in-law, when will you buy a big house and let my sister enjoy it?" ”
I said, "I don't have that much money." However, I have a beautiful daughter, and when she grows up and finds a rich son-in-law, then your sister and I will be able to live in a big house! ”
The father-in-law said faintly beside him: "Son-in-law, this idea is not reliable. I think that's what I thought back then.
5Today I took my four-year-old daughter to see the fairy tale Cinderella, and she asked me: Mom, what is a stepmother?
I said it was my stepmother.
After looking at it for a while, my daughter said to me with tears in her eyes: Mom, how can this stepmother be worse than you.
6. There are ** pretending to be friends. Is my brother there: Yes. Can you lend me 1000 yuan, it's a bit urgent. Me: Huh? Borrow money again, the old rule, call grandpa! *Grandfather! You can play like this when you meet ** in the future!
7 A few days ago, I came home a little late from work, so I took a taxi to go, chatted a few words and found that the driver was very humorous, I asked him: I want to smoke, can I smoke? He said, "No! I said, "Where did the soot come from?" He said, "It's all sucked by people who don't ask!"
I was speechless!
8 I have a bad relationship with my dad, the reason is very simple, when I was a child, my dad said that I would be rewarded with as many points as I was, and I would be rewarded with a hundred points, one day I took a 35-point test paper and wanted to ask him for 35 yuan, but I didn't expect him not only not to give it to me, but also beat me!
9 Leg pain went to the doctor, and after the examination, the doctor said, "Call Mom!" ......I faced.
And she said, "Call Mommy!" Continue to be confused ......”
At this time, the doctor glared at me impatiently, and I had to call my mother aggrievedly, and my heart began to doubt my life ...... violently
The doctor was amused: "I'm asking if your feet are numb!" ”
10When I drove through the intersection, I slammed the brakes and said in a panic, "I almost ran a yellow light, and I will be deducted 6 points at a time." ”
The son said disdainfully: "If you deduct it, you will deduct 6 points and 94 points." ”
11 When playing mahjong, the proprietress said that she was homesick for the New Year, and she missed her hometown's flatbread rolls and green onions, and dipping some sauce was a delicacy in the world, and she could eat three in one breath in her hometown. Two female colleagues echoed, saying that they had a good appetite and good health, and that no delicacies from the mountains and seas could compare to the taste ...... their hometownI'm a big man, I really can't say these words, and silently hit a three-cake cake. Proprietress : "Hu! ”
12 and the blind date met in a bubble tea shop, found out that it was his ex-boyfriend, the atmosphere was suddenly awkward, after a long time, he finally broke the peace, I heard that after we broke up, you went around telling others that I was dead.
13 I met my girlfriend when I worked together in the company, and then I introduced my boyfriend to my girlfriend, and I learned that they were classmates in college (my girlfriend also liked my boyfriend).
I went to my best friend's house for dinner today, she couldn't find it, I used mine to call her, and asked her if she had made me a special ringtone, and the ringtone rang, and the ringtone was "Do you know I'm waiting for you to break up"!