1 My cousin went on a blind date, and she insisted that I go to check it, and I was forced to go with her in desperation. In the dessert shop, a sturdy and handsome guy with a height of at least 180 ordered a table of desserts and waited there. After sitting down and chatting for a few words, my cousin gave me a look, meaning that she was satisfied, and told me to wait for an opportunity to retreat. I was about to leave, and the little brother on the other side went to the counter and ordered me a lot of desserts, and gently told me to eat more.
2. My niece told me that her dream is not to go to kindergarten! I promised her that I would make it happen within a year! Now that she's pressing my foot and hammering my legs, I should say the sentence in my heart, "You'll be in the first grade next year"?
3When we were studying, a group of our brothers drank, and one of our brothers drank too much and fell asleep. We kept sending him to the door, and then he suddenly came to his senses and said you guys go, no need to send it. We thought that this wine would wake up very quickly, but before we had taken two steps, we saw this thing knock on the door of his house, handed him a cigarette to his father, shook his head and said, "Uncle, do you know how my house is going?" His father slapped his head angrily: "Get back to sleep for me!" ”
4 One day, Wukong drew a circle for Tang Seng and flew away.
At this time, the goblin appeared, and she said, "Holy monk, look at me, don't you?" ”
Tang Seng said: "Amitabha, poor monks are not greedy!" ”
Then the goblin said, "I want to deal with you!" ”
Tang Seng said: "I'm sorry, I don't have that time!" ”
The goblin became angry and said, "Bald donkey, what's so good about nesting in a circle?" ”
Tang Seng raised his mobile phone and said, "Wukong said, there will be no wifi when you get out of this circle!" ”
5Yesterday my wife said to me, "Do you know why you met me?" Me: I don't know! Wife: Because I am a fairy who has come down to earth to repay your kindness! I looked at my wife twice and said weakly: You better go back, I think you are here for revenge!
6 The mother carried her two-year-old son out of the house, her son was fat, and the mother hugged her for a while, feeling very tired, so she said to her son: "Mom's arms are sore, the baby is good, is it okay to walk by yourself?" ”
After hearing this, the son licked his mother's arm and said with a smile: "Mom is a liar, it's not sour at all." ”
7When I went home for the Chinese New Year in previous years, every time I was told by my relatives that it was time to get married, they wanted to introduce me to the question. I blocked it back with one sentence: "I don't like a man who is not as good as my father." "In front of my dad, they couldn't have told me that the young man they introduced was better than your dad. Then my dad was so moved that he put a lot of money into my card ......Ha ha!
8 Yesterday at noon, a male colleague went out and didn't take his mobile phone away, and his wife kept calling.
The female colleague who was napping was annoyed by the noise, took the mobile phone and yelled: "We are sleeping, are you annoying!" ”
As a result, the male colleague has not come to work until today!
9When I was in high school, the goddess sat next to me, and I couldn't help but want to fart, so I shook my ass back and forth on the seat, intending to grind the fart and quietly let it out, I thought I had succeeded, but the goddess said to me, "You just let out dozens of farts, right?" It's better to have a quick meal!
10 Xiao Ming is a glass factory worker and has the habit of wearing gloves to work. After the night shift, take a taxi home one day. When the car passed through the suburban woods, a cool breeze hit, Xiao Ming felt a little cold, so he took out his gloves from his pocket and put them on.
The driver saw it in the rearview mirror and cautiously asked, "Brother, what are you doing?" ”
Oh, nothing, get used to it, I have to wear gloves every time I do my work, so I don't cut myself and I don't leave marks.
11 A fat man and a fat woman go swimming. The fat woman said, "Don't jump, the water of the whole pool will come out when you jump." The fat man said, "Don't jump, you can't jump, you will get stuck there if you go in."
12 I have been married to my husband for two years, he was quite regular before marriage, once after getting married, he actually peeked at me taking a shower, was scolded by me, and wanted to take off my clothes when he went to sleep, I beat me a few times, now I am honest, I went to sleep in another room, I thought he was very honest before I got married, I didn't expect him to be such a person, by the way, why do colleagues get married and have children, we have been married for two years, why don't we have children?