1 went to the prospective father-in-law's house to get engaged, only to find out that the father-in-law was the sworn brother of the year!
Friends and four or five fellow villagers in the field contracted to do water and electricity, and then drank blood wine to worship their brothers, the day before yesterday went home to go to the parents and girlfriend who had never seen each other for four years to talk about the engagement, and found that the prospective father-in-law was his eldest brother. At the end of the wine table, the friend picked up a full glass of wine, and said to his eldest brother in front of his parents and girlfriends, plus an elder with status: Brother, this is the last time I call you big brother, from then on, our brotherhood will be severed, and you will be my father in the future.
On the 2nd road, the traffic police asked a female driver to show her driver's license, and the beautiful woman asked what was wrong? The traffic police said that you pressed the yellow line, and the beauty said anxiously: What's wrong, it's broken?
3 colleagues and a woman on a blind date, the two keep in touch, every time the woman calls, there is no topic after chatting for less than two sentences, but his mother has to ask a lot of questions every time, and then the two have a good chat. Finally one day, she called ** again, and after her colleague picked it up, she came directly: "Mom, your **!"
4Every time I put my arms around my dad's neck and was coquettish, trying to cheat two people to spend money, my mother would point at me and say, stay away from your dad!
5I just saw a couple on the bus, the woman called the man's training a miserable, I cast a contemptuous look at the man, who knew that the woman saw it, and actually yelled at me: "Look at what! I'll hit you again! "I was so grumpy, I wasn't happy at the time. To be honest, if it weren't for the terrible shaking of my legs, I would have really fought with her!
6 At an antique market in Beijing, a middle-aged man tried to bargain for a vase that looked very old. He tried all kinds of means to lower the **, and finally began to communicate with the shopkeeper in ancient Chinese. His ancient words were so confused that the shopkeeper and the customers next to him were amused and eventually sold the vase to him at an unexpectedly low price.
7The man asked his friend, "I heard that you are talking to someone." The friend replied, "Yes, two-thirds of the way through." The man wondered, "What do you mean by that?" The friend explained: "The matchmaker agreed, I agreed, but the woman."
8. A fat man sits on the bed and plays with his mobile phone. Xiao Liu suddenly found a spider on his bed, so he shouted to him: "You have a spider on your bed! The fat man ignored Xiao Liu and continued to play with his mobile phone, Xiao Liu thought he didn't hear it, so he shouted again: "There are spiders!" The fat man suddenly became angry and yelled, "You only have a pig in bed!" ”
9When I was waiting for the bus at the bus stop, I met a beggar with a rice bowl. Seeing that the beggar had sound limbs and muscular muscles, he said, "This kind of person is really useless!" Begging every day, not going out to find a stable job. Unexpectedly, the beggar glared at me angrily and said, "You are not productive, I have a monthly salary of more than 10,000 yuan now, and I have already bought a car and a house." You're still on the bus, you're useless. "I am ashamed to say a word!
10 wanted to make a joke with my boyfriend, pretending to search out a lady** (actually mine) from under his bed, and then questioned him, at first he refused to admit it, but I didn't expect that later, under my pressure, he actually hugged me and began to admit his mistake.
11 A liberal arts woman sent a text message to her boyfriend: "Qingqing Zipei, I think about it, even if I don't go, Zining won't come." The man replied: "Please use the vernacular." Liberal arts girl: "You scumbag, if the old lady doesn't go to you, you won't know how to come to the old man."
12 Why smoke? To wait for a woman who advised me to quit smoking.
Isn't smoking not allowed on the high-speed rail, as soon as you arrive at the station, there are always old smokers who take advantage of the three or two minutes of parking, come down and take a few puffs, just come down and smoke with a big brother, the attendant girl is puzzled and said: What is there to smoke cigarettes, why smoke? The eldest brother flicked off the cigarette butt freely, looked at the sister-in-law, and said meaningfully: In order to wait for a woman who persuaded me to quit smoking.
13I will not agree to your proposal, but come to me when you have earned a million.
The girlfriend said, "I won't agree to your proposal, wait until you make a million and come back to me." ”
I replied, "Can I earn two-thirds first?" ”
Girlfriend: "Oh, that's fine! ”
I pulled out a hundred: "Look, it's two-thirds, one hundred." ”