Hello everyone:
In the new year, we have prepared a "family joke" for everyone, and at the same time, I wish you all a happy Year of the Dragon and a happy family!
Welcome to the 100% funny collection to make you (high) laugh all day!
When I was young, I had an exam and I did very badly! I think, now that it's over, I'm sure I'll be beaten up a lot at night! I thought that even if I was beaten, I would have to be beautiful, so I found the cosmetics in my mother's bag and traced a beauty makeup for myself. I was lying on the couch when I suddenly heard a "thump" and I quickly grabbed a piece of clothing and wiped the lipstick from the corner of my mouth. Unexpectedly, after Mom and Dad came home, the two of them actually fought, and they didn't care how I did in the exam! What's going on?
When I was a child, my family was hard, and every time I got out of school during the busy farming season, I would help adults do what I could! Later, my father took it for granted, and let me do some heavy work! I asked my dad with a bitter face, I'm a girl, why do you want me to do all this heavy work, my mother has never done it! Dad doesn't want to say, your mother is so thin, what can you do, you see you are chubby, you have strength, children, you have to exercise!
My mother-in-law bought me two buckets of fish bones, and the family cat always ate them. I wanted my husband to teach the cat a lesson, but my husband held his mobile phone and said, "How can a cat not steal fishy?" ”
I glared at my husband and was about to go crazy, when I saw my mother-in-law carrying the cat, slapped her twice, and said, "Daughter-in-law, do you see it, if you find something fishy, you will beat it to death!" ”
Dad: I have raised you for more than 20 years, daughter, you can't get married, when can you change a man to support you?
Mom: That's not easy!
Dad: Wow, my daughter has found a boyfriend?
Mother: No, if I remarry, I won't be able to change to another man to support her. Dad......
The first time I brought my boyfriend home to meet my parents...My boyfriend is nervous, and who knew my dad was nervous too....
As soon as I entered the door, my dad said to my boyfriend: Your sister-in-law (my mother) hasn't cooked yet, let's have tea first...
The boyfriend said nervously: It's okay brother, you sit....
I'm in that black line next to me...
During the Spring Festival this year, my second boyfriend went to my house for the first time, because my plane was late, so he went first, my dad likes to drink a few sips, and when I got home, the two of them had been drinking for a while, I deliberately said: "Who is this handsome guy Dad?" “
My dad said, "Isn't that your partner?"
I said, "No, he hasn't come back yet." ”
As a result, my dad gorgeously said, "Girl, this young man is good, blow your object and talk to him."
My boyfriend and I are messy)
Yesterday my son said that there was a photo contest with the title "Busy Mom".
In order to reflect the "busyness", I specially designed a look for my wife and took several photos.
In my son's class group today, everyone posted **, those mothers all wore makeup, all of them were beautiful, some wore diamond rings to wipe the table, and some wore mink to stir-fry ......Only an unkempt yellow-faced woman was mopping the floor in a torn cotton jacket.
I felt murderous through the screen. ）
On the bus, a shrew was vexatious, and her father fought hard to overwhelm the shrew in momentum, and finally she stopped talking.
After getting out of the car, the daughter said, "Dad, I didn't expect you to be so brave today!" ”
Dad was still immersed in the victory just now, and said to his daughter with a smile: "Do you know that Dad is amazing?" ”
The daughter asked, "But, why don't you even dare to let out a fart in front of your mother at home?" ”
After being questioned by his daughter, the father was a little uncomfortable, his smile froze, he stared at her directly, and then retorted: "I'll let it go!" Quiet, you didn't hear it! ”
Hehe, my daughter couldn't help but snicker) and said, "I know, rake ears are good men, and I will find one in the future!" "My girl!
The son asked his father, "Dad, why don't I have any brothers and sisters?" “
After hearing this, my father, who was reading the newspaper, became angry and roared, "Who told you not to go to bed early?" “
This kid always goes to bed late, which affects me and my wife's errands! ）
Our family hasn't eaten on time for a week in a row, for a simple reason, my wife recently bought a new gadget, and she studied there all day and didn't cook.
At the end of the week, my son said to me, "Dad, I'm dying of hunger. ”
Dad said, "Son, when you're hungry, look in the mirror." ”
My son asked me in confusion, "Won't you be hungry if you look in the mirror?" Daddy".
Dad looked at Mom and smiled evilly, "I don't know, but your Mom hasn't eaten much since she bought a floor-to-ceiling mirror last week." ”
Oops, laugh at me, hahaha).
If you like it, pay attention....Pay attention!