Hello everyone:
In the new year, we have prepared a "family joke" for everyone, and at the same time, I wish you all a happy Year of the Dragon and a happy family!
Welcome to the 100% funny collection to make you (high) laugh all day!
My mom took me to a pretty grand wedding and came back to ask me ......How I felt, I said, "The crabs at the feast are good, very delicious." “
My mother said, "How do you feel besides eating?" “
I said, "The bride is good-looking, but the bridegroom is so ugly." “
My mother slapped me and said, "People who are so ugly can find a handsome daughter-in-law, what about you?" Do you know what to do besides eating? “
When I was a child, my parents always enrolled me in various piano, chess, calligraphy and painting tutoring classes, and they always believed that when a woman changes in the eighteenth year, the ugly duckling will become a white swan, and then marry a rich woman; What's more, the parents were very confident in their appearance at that time, thinking that their children would definitely inherit their parents' genes.
However, when I grew up, my father looked at me very attentively, and then said earnestly, "Son, you should study hard." ”
I'm just a little fatter, what's wrong with that, why are my parents persuading me so much now!
My youngest daughter talked back to me, and I was angry and ignored her.
Half an hour later, she hugged me and said, "Dear Mom, I was wrong. Please don't your daughter off again, okay? ”
Uh, who's apologizing to whom? “
My mother ran home happily: "Girl, don't be bored at home, go to the street with my mother, and make a fortune this time." “
Daughter: "Mom, why did you get rich?" “
Mom: "Really! You can eat with your face. “
Daughter: "Mom, you're making fun of me, aren't you?" Am I eating with my face like this? “
Mother: "I was hit by a young man on the road, I said to be my son-in-law, forget it, if it doesn't work, I will pay 1,000 yuan." “
Daughter: "The result?" “
Mother: "I showed him your **, and he immediately took out a thousand yuan." Doesn't that mean you can eat with your face? “
Today I have a birthday, my mother was the first to send a red envelope, which was particularly touching, and a blessing was attached to the red envelope: "Mom wishes you a happy birthday!" …It was followed by a bunch of symbols, and when I looked closely, the symbols behind it turned out to be a bunch of, and I asked my mother speechlessly: "Why do you send a bunch of mumpy expressions and wish me a happy birthday." My mother suddenly realized and replied to me with laughter: "I obviously sent a cake."
My daughter, who is in kindergarten, once passed an arithmetic test and came home to show off. Mom brought two roast chickens and put them on the table. The daughter thought she was good at arithmetic, so she said to her father, who was sitting next to her, "I can figure it out for you, there are three chickens on this plate." ”
Well? How do you do that? ”
Hey, this is one, that one is two, one plus two equals three. ”
You're so smart! Dad said, "Well, let your mother eat this one, and I will eat that two, and you, just eat your three." ”
My son was visited by the teacher just a few days after he started school, and the homeroom teacher was a female college student who had just graduated, and she was quite beautiful, and she talked to me about some of my son's naughty behavior at school and left.
When I was about to get angry and teach my son a lesson, he came over and said, "Dad, are you strong? As long as you think it's okay, I have a way to get her to come back tomorrow! ”
What is this plan for my son? ......
A man went on a blind date, because his family was poor, he was still single at the age of 30, a friend introduced him to one, and his mother accompanied him to see it very satisfied.
When I got home, my mother asked, "Son, how is the girl?" ”
The son said, "It's okay, it's just a little fat." ”
When my mother heard this, she said earnestly: "Son, don't pick, with the conditions of our family, it is only a matter of time before she is hungry and thin." ”
Hehe, the man instantly gained confidence!
My mother always said that I was not as good as the child next door, not as capable as others, and not as well-behaved and cute as others. I was speechless: will you not boast of me? My mother rolled her eyes and said: You were very good when you were a child, when you were born, you were white and beautiful, your eyes were big, and your grandmother praised you every day. was about to sigh, and my mother then said: Who knew that the eighteen changes in the female college will become more and more ugly!
When I was in junior high school, I suddenly found that I had an eldest aunt, a second aunt, a fourth aunt, and a fifth aunt, but no third aunt.
So I went to ask my father, 'Why don't I have a third aunt?' (I also thought about it for a while: Could it be that the third aunt died when she was young?) ）
My dad said, "Your third aunt is your mother!" “
In the evening, my mother called me to dinner, and I answered, "Okay, third aunt." “
As a result, I was scolded, woo.
If you like it, pay attention....Pay attention!