Hello everyone:
In the new year, we have prepared a "family joke" for everyone, and at the same time, I wish you all a happy Year of the Dragon and a happy family!
Welcome to the 100% funny collection to make you (high) laugh all day!
Before marriage, I had dinner with my mother-in-law, and my mother-in-law asked me: "Young man, do you have any great ideals in the financial industry?" ”
I didn't even think about it at the time and said, "Auntie, there are no ideals, it's all about money." ”
The mother-in-law also said happily: "Hey, I like the energy of you young people, and I only recruit my son-in-law for money." ”
Oops, my mother, I can't prevent it, this turn is too fast! 」
After dinner, my husband went to make tea and accidentally touched the bowl I was eating, and the bowl fell to the ground and shattered.
My heart aches, this is the new bowl I just bought, more than a dozen yuan apiece, I started to reprimand my husband angrily, my son saw it, and hurriedly handed me the bowl where my husband was eating, and said comfortingly: "Mom, you threw Dad's bowl on the ground and broke it, so that you and Dad will be even." “
What a naïve son, so I restrained my temper and touched my son's head, and said, "Good, son, you hurry up and eat, mom won't quarrel!" ”
Now when I go to my mother-in-law's house, it's like this: I'm busy in the kitchen alone, and the few of them are watching TV in the living room and laughing happily. Here's why:
Before I got married, I went to my girlfriend's house for the first time, and my mother-in-law was cooking there. I usually like to cook. “
Who knew that the mother-in-law directly put the shovel down: "That's okay, come on!" Until now and even later, as long as I go back to my mother-in-law's house, I cook, and just like that, I embarked on a road of no return to cooking.
Well, that's kind of interesting! 」
When I was a child, I played firecrackers in the New Year, 5 corners, the small kind, and I played a firecracker that was a little flat, I thought it was a squib, so I threw it away, but I threw it into my brother's clothes, and as a result, there was a loud bang from his clothes, and my brother was scared to cry, and my mother came out to ask the reason, and immediately chased me to fight!
Hey, I've had a similar experience too! 」
The family was watching a ball game in the living room, and the child's aunt farted in the house, making a loud noise, and then stiffened her mouth, saying that it was like this after cutting the hemorrhoids, and she wouldn't let out a dumb fart, it was all loud....
Then the child's father answered: "That's the matter, it seems that the doctor has good skills, and he cut a whistle for you......."“
Immediately, everyone laughed!
The lovelorn niece washed her face with tears, and I comforted her: "Uncle is a person from the past, you have to believe that a broken love is nothing, and you will meet a better partner in the future." ”
She sobbed and replied, "You liar! ”
I said, "I'm your uncle, what are you lying about?" ”
She sniffed: "You haven't been in love, so you're not a person at all!" ”
Back then, I was preparing for the college entrance examination, and I fought at night. My father walked into my room and said, "Pay attention to the combination of work and rest, especially to protect your eyesight, don't be short-sighted!" Lest you not see the hanging wire when you are a mason in the future, the brick wall is not standard, and the boss will deduct the money! After all, based on your grades, going to college is not realistic. "Ah......
When I was young, I had an exam and I did very badly! I think, now that it's over, I'm sure I'll be beaten up a lot at night! I thought that even if I was beaten, I would have to be beautiful, so I found the cosmetics in my mother's bag and traced a beauty makeup for myself. I was lying on the couch when I suddenly heard a "thump" and I quickly grabbed a piece of clothing and wiped the lipstick from the corner of my mouth. Unexpectedly, after Mom and Dad came home, the two of them actually fought, and they didn't care how I did in the exam! What's going on?
My mother ran home happily: "Girl, don't be bored at home, go to the street with my mother, and make a fortune this time." “
Daughter: "Mom, why did you get rich?" “
Mom: "Really! You can eat with your face. “
Daughter: "Mom, you're making fun of me, aren't you?" Am I eating with my face like this? “
Mother: "I was hit by a young man on the road, I said to be my son-in-law, forget it, if it doesn't work, I will pay 1,000 yuan." “
Daughter: "The result?" “
Mother: "I showed him your **, and he immediately took out a thousand yuan." Doesn't that mean you can eat with your face? “
Dad said, "Girl, give me 2,000 yuan." “
I said, "Dad, what's wrong?" Running out of money to spend? “
Dad said, "When I got married, you didn't follow it, now make up for it." “
If you like it, pay attention....Pay attention!