1 On the day of getting the marriage certificate, it was time for the photo session, we took a photo in front of the couple, first to the man and then to the woman, and when it was the turn of the two of us, I said to my wife, you first. My wife said, it's better for you to go first!The photographer silently said, you two want to take a picture together, they are divorced!
2. Colleague: "Would you like to discuss something with you?"”
Me: "Say it." ”
Colleague: "I've been short on money lately, so I'm ......."”
Me: "I want to borrow money, right?" ”
Colleague: "Yes. ”
Me: "It's easy to say, I'll be in charge of anything less than 10 yuan, and I'll discuss it with my wife if it's more than 10 yuan." ”
Colleague: "Aren't you married?"”
Me: "yes, so it's not negotiable. ”
3 There was a power outage here at night, and I asked the man in my house to go to the neighbor's house to borrow a candle, and he said that there was no one in the neighbor's house. I asked him how he knew, and he said his neighbor's house didn't have the lights on.
4 In the morning, the daughter-in-law was lying in bed, and when she saw that she was going to be late for school, her daughter-in-law lifted the quilt, raised her hand and slapped her twice, and got up.
Tease your daughter when washing your face: Daddy will give you a new mother?
Daughter: Don't!My own mother is like this, can I still survive if I change my stepmother?
5 A friend of mine, fat, black, and ugly, chatted with a girl on the Internet, chatted for a while to see him**, he hesitated for a long time, and finally picked a good ** and sent it over, waited for a while to see no movement, and was ready to ask, who knows that I can't find the girl anymore......People blocked him!
6 On my way from work last night, I suddenly saw a boy wearing a hat fighting with someone, the back is very familiar, and then I carefully identify it, isn't that my son?I hurriedly rushed over and grabbed him: "Stinky boy, you don't come home from school and actually fight with someone on the road!".My son nervously replied, "Dad, you recognized the wrong person." ”
7. A colleague took a cat and a dog to the office to play, and another colleague wanted to provoke an incident to let the cat and dog fight to see the excitement, so he beat the cat, and then said a very classic sentence: The dog hit!
8 junior high school had a crush on a girl in the class, and hesitated to write a love letter again and again. One day after school, when I saw her at the door, I rushed up, took the love letter out of my pocket, stuffed it in her hand, and ran ......The next day at school, she had a strange look in her eyes (I thought we couldn't even be friends) and ......She pulled me into a corner and asked, "You ...... yesterday."What do you ...... give me 10 yuan?"Me:"....
9 girlfriends have a new boyfriend, which completely reflects the cutest height difference!
Everyone persuaded that it was not suitable, and I also felt that it was not suitable, so I also said a few words, "It's not convenient to kiss like this, and I can't reach it on tiptoe".
I saw my best friend looking at me with a disgusted face, "When you kiss your mouth, stand and kiss, can't you sit and kiss, lie down, and sleep?"”
10 In the morning, I was waiting at the door of the company to buy breakfast, and I saw a girl driving a white BMW, getting out of the car, tying an apron, and starting to fry fritters;At noon, I was going to eat a bowl of cold skin and found that it was closed, and the uncle who swept the floor nearby said that the family who sold cold skin had to travel to the Maldives at this time of yearI went to eat barbecue in the evening, and listened to the aunt who sold barbecue complaining to the people next to me that business was not good this year, and I made more than one million.
11. Chatting with a colleague again. A colleague asked me how old I was. I said 28. He asked again when he was going to get married. I said let's look at the economic conditions in the future, anyway, I can't afford it now. Another colleague said his salary was now barely enough to tie a tie.
12 city routines are deep, I want to go back to the countryside!
Next door, Lao Wang made an appointment with a sister on the Internet, and chatted for a few days. Suddenly asked Lao Wang to go to her house, Lao Wang said what to do if your husband came back suddenly, she said it's okay, generally won't come back suddenly, in case you want to come back, you say that you are hired by me to clean the glass, it's almost the New Year, and my husband won't doubt it. As a result, after staying at her house for a few minutes, her husband came back and wiped the glass all afternoon in order to pretend to be realistic.
On the way home, the more Wang thought about it, the more wrong it became...I'm going to be fooled!The city routine is deep, I want to go back to the countryside!