My name is Chen Ting, I have been married to my husband Liu Yang for three years, and I have a five-month-old son, Xiaobao. We work in a second-tier city, and we are under great financial pressure, so we can't hire a sister-in-law, so we have to ask Liu Yang's mother to help take care of the children.
Although Liu's mother came, she was not very happy. Because she and I both have relatively straight personalities, we had unhappiness when we got married, and it didn't ease later. She also often said in front of Liu Yang that she was not obliged to take care of the children, but she was doing me a favor.
Liu Yang is a person with low emotional intelligence, and he relayed everything to me as it was, which made me very unhappy. I think that family is not a place of obligation, but of feelings. I said to Liu Yang, since his mother talks about obligations, then we will also talk about obligations in the future.
Liu Yang told Liu's mother what I said, and she was even more unhappy. After she came, although she helped me take care of the children, we often quarreled over some trivial things, and she always thought that I was ignorant and disrespected her. Liu Yang will not adjust, he will only listen to her words, and will not stand on my side.
One day, when I came home from work, I found that the milk was not enough, and the child was crying, so I tried to express the milk with a ** device, but the results were very small. I was so uncomfortable that I threw the *** on the ground. When Liu's mother saw it, she said that it was because I ate pork liver, so I didn't have milk.
When I was confined, my mother made me rice wine and pork liver soup, saying that it was good for wound recovery. Liu's mother said that this would affect the milk. We've had a lot of arguments about this. When I heard her say that, I got angry and told her not to irritate me.
Liu's mother was also angry, saying that she was helping me take care of the children, and she was bullied by me, saying that she would go back in the afternoon. After Liu Yang came back, when he saw us arguing, he didn't ask clearly, so he scolded me for being ignorant, and even called ** to complain to my parents. I cried in anger and threw things on the ground.
Liu's mother was really angry and left, and Liu Yang also had a showdown with me, saying that I would either resign and take care of the children, or find someone to take care of the children, and he didn't want to care anymore. My parents arrived, and when they saw our condition, they didn't know what to do, so they had to take me back to my parents' house to calm down.
I was helpless and didn't know what I was doing wrong. I am reminded of a sentence in "The Marriage of the Two of Us": "Family disputes, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts, the most rare thing is that it is rare to be confused." If we always seek the root cause in this way, the smoke of family discord will always pervade. ”
I realized that family conflicts are not a matter of arguing about right and wrong, but of solving them. I don't have the ability to quit my job to take care of my children, I don't have the money to hire a sister-in-law, and I don't have anyone to help me take care of my children. I lose my temper and speak harshly, which will only make things worse, and I have to clean up the mess myself.
I figured it out, I need to make myself strong in order to solve the problem. I can't be an emotional puppet, especially when I'm in a vulnerable position. I have to learn to compromise, accept imperfections, and be soft in order to get along well with my family.
Liu's mother is bringing her grandson to her son, which is true. However, she also did ease my burden and allowed me to go to work and have my own income. She said that I was ignorant, but in fact, she also cared about me, hoping that I could pay more attention to my body and take care of my children.
I decided to call Liu's mother and apologize to her, saying that I know that she is not easy, I am grateful for her help, and I love her and Liu Yang very much. I said I wanted us to get along, for the sake of our children and for our own sake. I said I was willing to correct my shortcomings, and asked her to be more tolerant of me.
Mother Liu listened to my words and softened, saying that she was also for our good, she didn't want to fall out with me, and she also loved me and the child. She said that she would like to come back and help me with the baby, but hoped that I would listen to her more and not talk back to her.
I agreed to Liu's mother's request, and also called Liu Yang, saying that I had reconciled with his mother and asked him not to worry. Liu Yang also breathed a sigh of relief, saying that he was very happy, he loved me very much, and he would also work hard to improve himself and care more about us. We made an appointment to have a reunion dinner together and start over for the sake of our family.