Approaching the Spring Festival, people who have been out for a year are inevitably going home for the New Year, but the most troublesome thing is also waiting for young people on the road. That is "urging marriage". About urging marriage,".People are different every year, and things are the same every yearIt doesn't matter if it's your own father and mother, or the seven aunts, eight aunts, three aunts and six aunts, even the gossip group composed of uncles and aunts at the gate of the village is very concerned about your life events. 
Before, X-chan saw a post in which a netizen @cold视天下 told about what happened to her home. As the first batch of young people to return home, 3 days before they came back, their parents still served them with delicious food and drink, and regarded themselves as treasures in the palm of their hands. The netizen pondered "what's wrong with himself", except for loving to sleep lazily and staying up all night at home to be sloppy, he didn't do many sinful things, and later figured out the "truth" from his parents' words and deeds: it turned out that he was "single" to blame. In the beginning, I walked on the street with my parents to buy clothes: I would say how about this skirt and that skirt, and my mother would say, "Why don't you have any appreciation at all, should you fall in love and improve your aesthetics?" During a walk in the evening, my mother began to hint at the neighbor's child and say, "This little doll is so good-looking, I like such children." 
On the second day of chatting, when talking about the previous friends, my parents began to knock on the side: "Your friend xx is already married, I see that they are not bad, even if that xx introduced him to what it feels like." Didn't that xx of yours know a xx before? He said he was going to introduce you, do you want to think about it? Seeing that I didn't eat oil and salt, I didn't respond at all, and on the third day, my mother directly "broke out": "Day by day, I know how to brush my phone and sleep lazy, and I'm so old." In a few years, who wants you.
Take stock of the various routines used by parents to urge marriageMany single people are facing the pressure of being urged to marry when they go home for the Chinese New Year, so some people would rather be out of town than go home in order to avoid the bombardment of relatives and friends. 
But this is not the best solution after all, you can't hide from the first day of the new year, you can't hide from the fifteenth, and you can't hide from this year and next year. As the saying goes, the best way to solve a problem is to face it head-on, and the same is true for the elders urging them to marry. Parents' urging to marry is generally routine, and if you see it through, you will be "inviolable". (1) Knock on the sideThis kind of practice is generally a chatterbox-type elder, and will use carpet verbal bombardment to give you "** a mother:" Anyway, I'll talk about who is married, who is who, who's what, anyway, I blow the wind in her ear every two days, I don't say anything else, I blow the wind, she is a little anxious in her heart." (2) Implicit needsSome parents will faintly express their desire for their children to get married and have children. For example, parents implicitly convey their psychological need to hold their grandchildren by expressing their "love for other children", hoping to awaken their children's desire to have children in this way. (3) Joke infiltrationA mother: "I often tell my daughter that there is a lack of a son-in-law ...... at home"Some parents will make a punctual connection with a relationship from everyday things like dress, and although it is a joke, the final language is very obvious and painstaking. (4) ActionSome parents like to use actions instead of verbal bombardment, such as: when you leave the station, it just so happens that your Uncle Li's son happens to come to the station to see off his friends; When you go to see your grandparents, the grandson of the neighbor's grandfather also happens to come to see his grandfather and help you carry heavy things; When you are at home, the third aunt brings her cousin and her cousin's good buddies to visit your house; In short, you may meet such a dense intersection with the opposite sex in one day. (5) Knowing is emotional, moving is reasonableSome parents respect their children's ideas, and they may not use the way of beating around the bush, but will directly have a long conversation with you. From the world economic crisis to the war in the Middle East, to the current employment, entrepreneurship and other topics, talking about your life events makes you feel that life is impermanent and meaningless, it is better to start a family and have a child to create the meaning of life. 
(6) Sacrifice life for righteousnessSome parents play harder, describe themselves as pitiful, and then put the heavy word "filial piety" on your head. A netizen: "Yes, my mother said the most ruthless sentence to me: You give me a hurry to get married and have children, while I am in good health now, I can still help you take care of the children, don't let me die in the future and can't close my eyes." (7) Speak directlySome parents' patience may be worn out by their children's oil and salt, and they directly come to extreme words, either "verbal humiliation" or "value depreciation" or "anxiety": "You are so old, if you don't find someone to marry, in a few years, who wants you" "If you don't get married, it will become a psychological **" "Your cousin is one year younger than me, 48 this year, and she is not married. It's an old girl's ...... nowOnce her parents are gone, she is alone, and she is alone ......In short, parents will exhaust all tricks, including mobilizing relatives and friends to urge themselves, and seize every opportunity to remind their children that "you should marry" and "you should marry". 
Psychological analysis of parents' urging to marrySo why are the elders always keen to urge marriage? It has to do with their ideological values. (1) Parents believe that marriage is a necessary thing to do in lifeIn the eyes of the elders, marriage is a necessary thing to do in life, a necessary way, and an explanation for life. Marriage is responsible for the reproduction of the population, promote the development of the family, carry the moral transmission and social education, and maintain the important responsibility of social stability. The elders generally believe that marriage is essential and that there must be this process. "Life is this process, it must be completed, our previous generation is also for the next generation, we want to give them an explanation, so these, we recognize." "You're like going through a program, you have to go through it step by step......You can't stop at any link, what do you do if you stop, you have to go through this process, what if you don't go." In the parents' understanding of marriage, marriage is a necessary process of a person's socialization, and only after completing marriage can a family be formed, and only then can we have the fundamental conditions such as economy, childbirth, and pension based on society. (2) Parents are influenced by the idea of successionInfluenced by Confucian culture, Chinese society attaches great importance to the value of inheritance. In the survey on the "Intergenerational Differences in Marriage and Love Psychology in the Marriage and Love Behavior of Unmarried Female Parents", 9 marriage urgers mentioned their hopes for their children's future fertility, and the traditional concept of inheritance is an important part of their reasons for urging marriage. "I hope that our parents are older, and I also hope that the family can add more population, and the family will be more lively and prosperous. "When you give birth to a child when you are young, the child is stronger, and when you are older, you have a child, and the child is not in good health." Parents' anxiety about their children's marriage comes from their children's failure to implement their own marriage plans according to the traditional "Chinese-style marriage and family" model, and when their children give up their marriage or temporarily do not marry, it will trigger parents' incomprehension, which can easily turn into anxiety (Liu Qian, 2017). In Confucianism, there are "three unfilial pieties, and no queen is the greatest", and many parents who urge marriage believe that not getting married and having children is a manifestation of selfishness. 
(3) Parents are influenced by a unified life planIn people's relatively fixed social and cultural concepts, a certain age seems to correspond to a set of fixed behavior patterns and mental states, and this expectation of the individual in psychology is called the "social clock" in psychology. The biological clock is used to describe the major life milestones in an individual's life, which is simply "what to do at what age", such as studying, getting married, and working. Many elders believe that life needs to go step by step, and what stage should be done at what stage, so they have also made a whole plan for their children's marriage. "When you were young, you were almost confused, and then you got married, and after you had children, it was like that, because life with anyone is almost the same, what they (young people) think about is the mountains and rivers, and what they think about is Prince Charming, which is very unrealistic, and real life is bland." In fact, in the final analysis, social prejudice is one of the important reasons for parents to urge marriage, and the influence of the social atmosphere will further aggravate the psychology of urging marriage.
How should we deal with our parents' urging to marry? In the face of our parents' urging to get married, why don't we get oil and salt? In the eyes of unmarried young people, the economic function of traditional marriage and family is no longer a necessary element of marriage, and people (especially women) have awakened their sense of independence, basic production and consumption or higher material enjoyment can be satisfied through their own career pursuits, and marriage is no longer the only choice for survival. There are also unmarried people who are worried that marriage will destroy their independent life, worry that marriage will bring complex interpersonal relationships, so they will pursue independence more, enjoy loneliness, and do not want to break the balance of their current life by getting married and having children. "I'm more independent and don't want anything to disturb my life......Now all I have to think about is myself, if I want to travel, if I want to go far away, or if I want to buy something, I just have to think about it very simply, but if I get married at this time, if I get married, the things I have to think about are two families." In short, the generational difference with the elders is still the root cause of the conflict. 
When faced with the urging of parents to marry, the person who is urged to marry has the psychological feelings of "forced to grow up", "privacy violated", "feelings are ignored", and "cognitive differences cannot be communicated", and may adopt perfunctory, counterattack, evasion, defense and other coping methods to deal with it. Parents need to understand the worries and anxieties of young people, and children need to understand that parents are in the mood of "worrying that their children will have no one to take care of" and urging them to get married, and both parties need to reach a consensus. So what about your family of origin? Enter the [Solution X] applet to find this test to see your family mode [Free].
Write at the endParents' urging of their children to marry is caused by their cognition of their time, and the environment in which we grew up is a different era, and this generational difference will inevitably lead to different cognitions. At home during the Chinese New Year, in the face of the urging of the elders, there is no need to escape, and there is no need to talk about it, and it is not necessary to disagree with the conflict, you can communicate with your parents in an adult way, talk about your work vision, your true thoughts on marriage and love, etc. Parents are not expected to understand themselves, it is enough to be "harmonious and different"! references：———1] yao chunyan. a comparative study of intergenerational differences in marriage psychology among unmarried female parents in urging marriage beh**ior [d]. nanjing normal university, 2021. doi: 10.27245/dcnki. gnjsu. 2021-002967Author: kkTypesetting: kk