In order to avoid disillusionment with human nature, we must first abandon illusions about human nature.
- Maslow
Women will see love as more important than life, while men will only use love as a tool.
When a woman meets a scumbag, she will break all her illusions about love and humanity, and then go through a reinvention from the inside out.
Wang Rui sat in the empty living room, the pain in her heart was like a raging storm, and there was nowhere to hide. She and her husband have known each other since they were young and are each other's first love. Once, he was like a licking dog, obedient and caring to her.
But who would have thought that just a few months ago, he cheated on her best friend. Her best friend had suffered domestic violence many times in marriage, and Wang Rui saw her pitiful, so she let her live in her own house for a short time.
Fire prevention and theft prevention, but not girlfriends. Wang Rui could never have imagined that her kindness and trust would be exchanged for such a result.
At that time, her best friend was so weak and helpless, but she secretly Chen Cang with her husband in private, which became a fatal wound in Wang Rui's marriage.
Betrayed by the two closest people, Wang Rui's heart was like being pierced by a sharp blade, and she fell into deep pain.
After the cheating was discovered, the husband chose to return to the family, hoping to get his wife's forgiveness. But Wang Rui knows that some things are irreversible.
For the sake of her children and the whole family, although she chose to reconcile with her husband on the surface, the wounds in her heart are difficult to heal.
She couldn't get over the hurdles, and kept asking her husband why he treated her like this, and what they did when they were together.
At first, the husband was reluctant to say more, believing that these details would not help his wife's recovery. But Wang Rui insisted on knowing the truth, believing that concealing the truth would only hurt her even more.
So, the husband had to confess those cruel details one by one. Each narrative is like a sharp knife, piercing deep into Wang Rui's heart.
She couldn't have imagined that the man who kept saying that he loved her would dance with another woman behind her back. What made her even more heartbroken was that he actually made his best friend's belly bigger and accompanied her to have an abortion. These images were like sharp arrows, pricking every inch of Wang Rui's nerves.
She tried to calm her excitement, but the disgusting images lingered in her mind like ghosts. Her heart was shrouded in a thick haze, and she even thought of suicide.
realized that her husband was a scumbag, but she didn't want to admit that her relationship for so many years was fake.
She couldn't face this two-faced man, and the more she knew, the more she felt a pinprick pain all over her body.
Wang Rui also lost 20 pounds because of this, fell seriously ill, and recovered well after a month.
The physical pain has been relieved, but the pain in the heart has always lingered. The man has been trying his best to comfort and take care of his sick wife, but her heart has been closed, like a cold stone wall, unable to feel the temperature of the outside world, and Wang Rui has always been indifferent in the face of her husband's hospitality.
The two of them are now as awkward as roommates, and the family atmosphere is suffocating and depressing. Two people live under the same roof, but there is no intimacy and interaction as before.
The scum of men is already in front of her, but the fact that women seem to have been resisting this fact is a deviation from her past perception.
She even regretted that she shouldn't have chased her husband to ask so much in the first place, and the more she knew, the more she didn't benefit herself, but she was even more broken and desperate.
This marriage is now extremely ribbed, Wang Rui needs a man's financial support, and she also needs a man to continue to be a good father, of course, she also longs for nothing to happen, she wants to still pin her feelings on a man.
But now I'm a little more cautious, how can I continue this marriage with a man?Or do you want to finish it early?
Wang Rui was confused.
A wife must have lost her sense of security after a series of betrayal incidents by her husband.
She could not face her husband's sanctimonious appearance, let alone face a broken marriage.
The love with her husband in the past is still vivid, why did you climb into another woman's bed today?
The woman is not sure how much she has been deceived, and the fear of the unknown will make her keep asking questions, eager to confront every detail. It was the only way she could regain her sense of security.
But the real confrontation was understood, but she fell into a contradiction again.
On the one hand, there are many years of love in his mind, and the huge expectation of growing old together, and on the other hand, what he has done with others.
I can't let go of the past, and I can't stand this breath.
He used to be really nice and honest to me. ”
I remember him as a young man. ”
I never thought he was such a scumbag. ”
Judging him in the present with his past cognition, he will naturally beInner dysfunctionInability to be self-consistent.
Does his wife really think he's a scumbag from her heart?
Not really. She covets as intimacy as in the past, but the truth reminds her over and over again:
It's fake, he's lying to you, it's all fake.
The wife's pain is not only that she has been hurt, but also that all the memories of so many years have to be reversed.
Subverting the old three views and thoughts, it is no less difficult to rebuild than to be reborn after death.
Especially those who are "good men" in marriage, it will make the wife expect him to return to the past.
Some wives said that the reason why she wanted to know how bad a man really was was to let herself die as soon as possible and escape from the painful feelings.
But they really should know, what is in front of them is:
How to recognise this man;
Do you want to continue with such a man?
How to Accomplish Ideological Reconstruction;
How to reconcile with yourself....
Pain is also a kind of grief and anger that comes from one's own inability to change the status quo.
Many sororities are trapped in the details of their husbands' infidelity and are miserable.
Every time I think of it, I am Ling Chi to myself.
Therefore, there are those who are extremely thin, those who are depressed, and even those who want to commit suicide.
The reason is that, moving forward, you can't accept reality;backwards, and can't give up feelings.
When I think of the scum things he did, I was angry, but divorce was not in my choice at all.
As soon as the two sides are pulled, they create a twisted self.
Therefore, if you want to solve this twist, you need to find a breakthrough in the mess.
It is nothing more than two sentences: say goodbye to the past and accept reality.
You have to force yourself to accept him now and say goodbye to him in the past, so that you can gradually come out of the internal friction again and again.
In Hemingway's "The Old Man and the Sea", there is such a sentence:
"Now is not the time to think about what is missing, but what you can do with what you have. ”
Now that you know it in detail, tell yourself that he's such a scumbag, there's no way, you have to admit it. Then, according to the strength of the moment, judge what tangible benefits you can still win for yourself, instead of indulging in emotional battles.
When you ask the bottom of the matter again and verify it repeatedly, if your mind is full of "where have you and her developed, **?"What's your bed like?"After a while, "Do you love me more, or do you love her?"”.
Just ask yourself:Do we need to know how they fall in love, when they hold hands, and how often they meet?
Nope!No amount of detail you know can change the fact that he betrayed you. He doesn't deserve to be your lover anymore.
You may need time to honor and bury the relationship, but you have more important things to do, and that is:
How much money did he spend on the mistress!
Don't forget, there's a portion of your joint property.
Instead of digging into those dates, you should check them outBank account, transfer flow.
Some of the original partners have been digging into the roots, from the first time they added WeChat chats to the last hug, and the process of this has been studied from the bottom to the bottom. His mind was full of "he was better to that woman than to me", "he bought the same necklace for the two of us", "he was dating that woman, not going to the company for a meeting at all"...
Caught in great pain and anger, the man did not pay any attention to the private transfer of property.
It wasn't until the man ran away with the mistress with the money and cut off the economy of the original partner that the original partner regretted it.
So remember,Betrayal, don't ask for details, just talk about money!
Money is much more important than love or not!
(1) Pay attention to what you should pay attention to, and be dumb and blind the rest of the time
What should we pay attention to after being cheated on?
Pay attention to everything related to money and interests, and for the love-hate entanglement between men and mistresses, we need to close our eyes and mouths.
The standard for testing a person is to see where he spends his time.
- Yu Hua, "Alive".
Who you spend your time with will determine your destiny.
I can understand your curiosity about his cheating and can't let go, but I still recommend that you calm down first and think about whether it is beneficial for you to know these things.
There is an original partner who said, if you know, you can completely die.
The idea is great, but most people can't. When you haven't let go of expectations and love, the more you know, the worse your mood will be, and the more harm you will do to your body and mind.
A person who is really dead will give up from the moment he knows that he has changed his mind.
His love has shifted, and this is what the original partner has to accept.
When we calm down and find that our ability to divorce is not enough, we need to think about how to adjust our emotions in the next step and how to allow you to fight for more interests for yourself in marriage.
(2) Allow everything to happen and let your life turn a corner
Many women are reborn after experiencing changes in marital feelings, understand the essence of marriage, and let go of their greed for love.
How many women have been full of love brains, extremely immature thoughts, and regard marriage as the continuation of love.
But in fact, there is no love in marriage, only affection and cooperation.
Men need marriage to meet their needs for inheritance, for their rights, for their social status, and so on.
Women need marriage to satisfy their fantasies about love.
So men change their minds, and women can't stand it. Men have changed their minds but refuse to divorce, and women can't stand it.
You just have to understand that the nature of marriage is oneEconomic cooperation, the expectation will be lowered
If a man after cheating still has economic value, sexual value, the value of raising a baby with a baby, etc., he can survive as a partner.
When you no longer have love fantasies about him, then it doesn't matter so much whether he is a scumbag or not.
From the point of view of self-interest, just look at whether there is still profit in him.
Can you take a baby with you when you're busy? Can you be connected when you need connections? Can you help when you need money?
Getting along with him from this point of view, can you calm down a lot of emotions?
All your time and energy, please use it to improve yourself!
(3) Accept the ups and downs of life, and whatever happens will be beneficial to you
A sister told me that in the future, she will never have too high expectations for human nature, nor will she devote all her attention to marriage, and love is only a small part of life.
Isn't this a kind of male growth?
Not every woman must have a marriage, those who are divorced, unmarried and single women still contribute to society and play their value.
Luck from the fire is coming, which means that middle-aged women are going to rise.
Now is our time, and the best time for us to shine.
Don't deny yourself because of a bad man and a bad marriage.
There are too many female elites in the group, and there are too many sisters who are reborn after the phoenix, everyone helps each other, encourages each other, and walks out of the trough of life hand in hand.
If you are also experiencing hardships in life, come and join us, here the three views are positive, the energy is positive, needless to say, we understand all your pain, and will also pull you towards a bright future.