"In the brightly lit city, I felt lonely. Although I am in the crowd, I don't feel a sense of belonging. Because home is not here, and family is not here.
Humans are social animals by nature, and in order to build a family, we rely on each other and accompany each other to create a better future together. "
1. Friction and loneliness between husband and wife In the long period of life, we spend the first 20 years with our parents, and in the next few decades, our closest people are often our partners.
Spending the days of life together, relying on each other and accompanying each other, is the firm pillar of our life, so that our hearts are no longer lonely, and there is something to return to. However, in the program "Round Table Pie", Dou Wentao said that according to statistics, 80% of married people in China are eager to live alone, why is this?
It turns out that this is not the case, the most important thing between husband and wife is not cohabitation, but mutual companionship, and this companionship is based on mutual communication. With the development of modern means of communication, many couples who are in a long distance still feel emotionally lonely, but it is not strong.
Although cohabitation can reduce the loneliness of being born, it also brings some troubles. Everyone needs a certain amount of personal space, and husband and wife are no exception, which is what the ancients called "respecting each other as a guest" and "small farewell is better than newlywed".
Most newlyweds are still in the hot love period when they first start a family, and family affection is also budding. The novelty makes them inseparable, and they only have the good in each other's eyes.
However, this novelty doesn't last long, and when it wears off, they become "old husbands and wives". At this time, because they are too familiar, they only see each other's shortcomings in their eyes.
From the mutual courtesy at the beginning of acquaintance, to the quarrel caused by trivial matters in life, the dissatisfaction with each other gradually deepened. Even couples who seem to be in a stable relationship are inevitably quarreled because no two people in the world are exactly the same.
Therefore, living alone seems to be a way to solve this problem. This is mainly due to the constant friction in the couple's daily life, which makes both parties feel tired and at the same time feel constrained by the fact that their private space is occupied by each other.
To solve this problem, many people choose to live in long distances, including many couples living separately under the same roof. This practice not only maintains feelings but also reduces arguments, while also allowing everyone to have their own personal space and gain a little sense of freedom.
Separation is often seen as a sign of a broken relationship, but this is not the case. Sometimes, separation can enhance the emotional harmony between husband and wife.
Human nature tends to "like the new and hate the old" and "the best is often someone else's". One of the main reasons for the deterioration of a couple's relationship is that they see each other as their own and ignore their individuality and values.
Husband and wife living alone can reduce contact, making this relationship more precious and rare, thereby promoting mutual understanding and forbearance, and achieving the effect of "respecting each other as guests".
Not only the relationship between husband and wife, but also in interpersonal communication, there is often the phenomenon of "distance produces beauty".
Conflict between the distribution of household chores and living habits: According to the survey, 80% of married people in China desire to live alone, and the main reason is the division of family affairs and the conflict of living habits.
Although the traditional concept of women in ancient China was that women should be responsible for housework, with the rise of the feminist movement in modern times, the family status of both men and women gradually equalized, and the distribution of housework was also decided by both parties through negotiation.
However,"Laziness is the greatest driving force behind human progress", even between husband and wife, are reluctant to take on trivial household chores. As a result, these trivial matters often become the fuse for quarrels between couples.
Laziness is not the only reason, the deeper problem lies in the excessive interdependence and expectation between couples, who both want each other to compromise. They often think that this is caused by factors such as "family status" and "the concept of "one will do it for a lifetime", which complicates small things.
However, this condition usually disappears after the couple lives separately. They live in different rooms and have no choice but to handle household chores on their own, so they don't have to worry about trivial tasks and simple tasks don't complicate anymore.
In addition to the distribution of family affairs, differences in personal living habits are also one of the causes of family conflicts. In the life of husband and wife, the problem of each other's living habits will be completely exposed.
At first, you may be able to tolerate each other, but after a long time, the conflict of living habits will seriously affect each other's lives. Long-term forbearance can make anyone feel tired, and when patience is unbearable, contradictions will erupt.
For example, if one person likes to grow flowers and plants and the other person is allergic to pollen, this will hinder each other. Or, someone who works late into the night encounters a partner who suffers from insomnia, these are all problems.
However, living separately can solve these problems perfectly, and everyone lives according to their own habits without interfering with each other.
3. With the development of Chinese society, people's living standards have gradually improved, and the requirements for quality of life have also increased. The phenomenon that "80% of married people in China aspire to live alone" is closely related to the increase in the middle class of Chinese society.
The middle class has enough financial means to live alone, and most of them are working-class people who are busy in the workplace every day, often exhausted by the end of the day's work.
As a result, living alone has become an option for them to enjoy their time alone and have more time and energy to take care of themselves and their families.
Therefore, for them, a relatively harmonious family environment is particularly important. If family conflicts are frequent, they may choose to live alone to seek it"Calm"to relax tense nerves.
And they also have enough financial means to support living alone. Overall, the phenomenon that Dou Wentao mentioned that "data shows that 80% of married people in China desire to live alone" is closely related to the relationship between husband and wife.
Living alone and co-living has its pros and cons and is suitable for different couples and family relationships. Whether living separately or alone, what remains constant is a better lifestyle that the couple agrees with.
This does not mean that the relationship is broken, nor does it mean that the other person is no longer needed, but on the basis of mutual companionship, the relationship becomes more rational and thus realized"Thin water flows"。