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Hello everyone: Welcome to the 100% funny joke collection to make you (high) laugh for a day!
no.1、
Nasty girlfriends.
Today, my parents didn't call me when they went to eat lobster, so I posted a message on WeChat:
My parents didn't even call me when they went to eat lobster, did I send it with phone bills?
After a while, someone commented on me, and I clicked in to see that my girlfriend replied: "It's a miracle that your parents chose you instead of peanut oil for phone bills!" “
no.2、
Today I was going to pluck up the courage to confess to the boy I had a crush on for a long time, and I sent him a WeChat message to ask: "What kind of girl do you like?" “
He replied: "Big break the waves of long hair".
I replied, "That's all I want?" “
He replied: "No, these are three requests".
I looked at it carefully for a long time, "Damn, it's good that I didn't confess, I don't touch it." “
no.3、
I put on my makeup, and then my dad saw it and said, "This makeup is too thick to work." “
So my mom took me to the bathroom and said she was going to take care of me. As a result, she secretly said to me: "We won't change this makeup at all, and then go out and show it directly to your dad after a while, and see how he reacts..." ”
I waited a while and went straight out, and I asked my dad, "Is it better?" ”
My dad said, "Well, that's a lot better." ”
no.4、
I just bought a book, and I couldn't find it in a few days, so I asked my wife, "Where did you put the book I just bought?" ”
The wife asked, "Which one?" ”
I said, "It's the book 'The Secret of Longevity'."
The wife said, "I threw it away!" ”
I wondered why I threw away a good book, so I asked, "Throw it away?" Why? ”
The wife actually replied: "I'm afraid that your mother will see it." ”
Brothers, do you think you can still have this daughter-in-law? 」
no.5、
A man and a woman say goodbye through the window until the train leaves.
An eldest brother sitting next to the man, witnessing the bleak scene just now, said to the man who was still in tears: "Alas! I understand your feelings, I just got married and have to go out to work, and parting with my wife, even if it's only for half a minute, the taste is ...... uncomfortable”
That's right," said the man even more sadly, "I'm going back to my wife!" ”
Oh, dare to love this is to meet the little lover! 」
no.6、
When the commander told the recruit about the hard life and service of the troops, he was heard to say in a serious manner: "The soldiers of the army work 25 hours a day. ”
But there are only 24 hours in a day? Sir! A recruit shouted.
Therefore, it is necessary to wake up an hour earlier every day. ”
Well? What an operation! 」
no.7、
My mother was at home all day long chanting "Amitabha" to the Buddha, and I was very upset when I heard it, and I persuaded her several times, but she didn't listen.
One day, my mother was chanting again, and I deliberately called her: "Mom! ”
Mom answered, and I deliberately kept quiet.
After a while, I called out again, "Mom! After I finished calling, I continued to be deliberately silent.
Later, during the hour of my mother's chanting, I called her back and forth.
Seven or eight times, and finally my mother got angry and scolded, "Why do you keep calling me when you have nothing to do?" ”
Mom," I said with a smile, "I just called you."
Seven or eight sounds, you will be impatient, that Lafayette in the West Heaven, you have been called thousands of times a day and night, isn't he angry? ”
no.8、
The teacher asked, "Does anyone know why bears sleep for 6 months in winter?" ”
Nine-year-old Xiao Ming immediately raised his hand.
The teacher said, "Xiao Ming, tell me!" ”
Xiao Ming stood up confidently and said, "Because no one dares to wake it up." ”
no.9、
Sleep habits developed by reading.
When I work in the company, I have to lie down at my desk and take a nap for an hour after lunch, and today my colleague asked me, "Why do you like to sleep with your hands looped and your head pressed on your wrists?" ”
I took a deep breath and said, "Because of the habit I developed when I was studying, I can wipe my saliva as soon as I wake up." ”
After saying that, she laughed hahahaha!
no.10、
Entrance exams are approaching, and students are very busy. In order to encourage everyone, the teacher said: "Students, work harder and be admitted to the university, if in ancient times, everyone would be regarded as a jinshi." ”
As soon as the words came out, most of the people in the classroom raised their heads, pointed to their glasses, and replied, "Teacher, we have long been short-sighted!" ”
You are indeed short-sighted, and many students now start wearing glasses since elementary school! 」
---end--- This article is a plain text funny paragraph, only for entertainment, if there is bad guidance, please understand!
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