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no.1、
Today I changed to a new number and texted to tease my girlfriend.
Want to know your fate with him or her? Please reply directly to the real name of the two people, and the consultation fee is two yuan. ”
Receive a text message after a minuteIt's the name of my girlfriend and one of my brothers
no.2、
Me: There's a new girl in our unit, and she lives in a neighborhood with us, so can she take my car home?
Wife: No!
Me: It's just over 10 minutes away, don't worry.
Wife: No, no!
Me: A colleague in a unit, if someone brings it up, it's hard to refuse.
Wife: You ride a bad bicycle and still think about other people's little girls, if you don't feel ashamed, I'll be ashamed of you!
no.3、
I saw on the Internet that my child was in trouble and helped himself. When he wanted to take the exam, his seven-year-old son shouted, "Son!! Come and save me, ah! Pretending to faint, my son shouted and shook when he arrived. There was no movement for a while, and he secretly squinted at it. This kid is counting the bills in my wallet with a golden light in his eyes. Just as he was about to open his mouth to scold him, his son cried and said, "Dad, it's easy to go all the way!" "I took a lighter and lit all the money. I won't kill you! That 200 yuan is your father's food expenses for three months!
no.4、
My colleague was playing mahjong with us, and suddenly my wife called to check the post.
He hurriedly asked us to be quiet, and then said to **: "There is a traffic jam on the road, and it is estimated that I will come back very late." ”
I only heard my colleague's wife say on the other end of the **: "You pay attention to safety, drive slowly, you honk the horn and I'll listen!" ”
no.5、
I was temporarily pulled to watch the midnight show at night, and I was so sleepy that I couldn't open my eyelids, and the movie was not good, so I fell asleep all of a sudden.
At the end of the movie, I suddenly woke up, and my companion turned his head and asked me if the movie was good?
I said it was good-looking.
At this time, the audience in the back row angrily scolded: "What a good look! You two take turns snoring and kicking the stool and you can't wake up! ”
no.6、
I was playing a game while charging, and my mother said, "Don't be so easy to use your phone**".
I said "It's okay" and continued to play.
Suddenly, the house became dark, and my father rushed to me and pointed at me and said, "Why are you so disobedient, it's all your fault, I just started the game." ”
I said, "What are you yelling at me for, it's my mother's electric switch." ”
Dad said: Who will I yell at if I don't yell at you? Do I dare to yell at your mother?
no.7、
The first time I went to my husband's house, in order to show my diligence and please my mother-in-law, I took a change of clothes to wash for the first time, but when I took it, I accidentally dropped the clothes into the toilet, and quickly reached out to take out the clothes, just when my mother-in-law looked at it in surprise and said: "There is a basin next to it, how do you use the toilet to wash clothes?" ”
no.8、
A few years ago, I went to Yantai Qixia to play with a friend, and saw a lotus leaf on the edge of the ground, the key is not in the water, but in the dry land, I blurted out: Why is this lotus no water?
My friend also blurted out: Dear, this is taro!
no.9、
Yesterday at work, a beautiful woman from the human resources department came to our workshop to confirm the manpower by name as usual.
A male colleague at the same station of ours likes to take advantage of beautiful women, and when the beautiful woman finished calling his name, he actually shouted:For the husband in
After that, the kid was really with her.
no.10、
The first time I went to my girlfriend's house, during the meal, my girlfriend kept praising her mother's cooking skills, and I also smiled and echoed how delicious the dishes were.
Suddenly, my girlfriend said, "Do you know how my mother tied my dad to the house?" ”
Absent-minded, I opened my mouth and said: ".Do you use a dog leash?
---end--- This article is a plain text funny paragraph, only for entertainment, if there is bad guidance, please understand!
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