How to get along with people with avoidant personalities, respectively.
The first, second, third and fourth parts are explained.
If you want to go down with the avoidant type, you must first meet a premise, which is this avoidanceThere is no problem with character。But before that, I might say that the premise is that the other person really likes you. But slowly I realized that liking it is actually a state, from dislike to liking, from liking to disliking, he is fluid. And character is the foundation of a person's fixation.
To judge whether there is a problem with a person's character, you can consider the following aspects:1Behavior: Observe whether a person's behavior is in line with moral and legal norms and whether they respect the rights and interests of others. 2.Language: Listen to whether a person's language is polite, sincere, respectful of others, and whether there are inappropriate remarks such as malice, slander, insults, etc. 3.Attitude: Understand whether a person's attitude is positive, optimistic, and responsible, and whether there are inappropriate attitudes such as negativity, laziness, and avoidance. 4.Interpersonal Relationships: Observe whether a person's interpersonal relationships are good, whether they respect others, care for others, and help others. 5.Credit: Find out if a person's credit is good and whether they have a bad credit record such as fraud and default. The above are some common ways to judge character, but everyone's situation is different and requires specific analysis of specific problems.
If the person you encounter is not good at avoiding others, then you should immediately withdraw and ask yourself what you want to go on with the other personReal purpose, that is, you are in the relationshipReal needs
a.If your heart longs to find recognition and proof in the other person, as if you are pursuing an untouched level in the game, and the unquenchable desire to conquer is surging in your heart, then perhaps you should stop and revisit this journey. Because, if you insist on moving forward, I am afraid that you will end up in a situation where you cannot extricate yourself, and the ending may not be as you wish, full of regret and loss.
b.If you have the expectation that through your unremitting efforts, you can be deeply moved by the other person, so that you can be transformed, like a phoenix nirvana, to a new life, to a safe place, and then to embrace you affectionately, then I must admit that such an expectation may be too naïve.
c.If you really love this person, not because you need you, you don't expect the other person to love back. You can lower your needs, lower your expectations, and be tolerant like a virgin or a father. You can be very patient, completely ignore your own feelings, and love someone selflessly. Then you don't have to look any further, because you are challenging your own nature beyond your own strength.
d.If you're really not that powerful, it doesn't matter who you meet. Because only you know that the other person is different from most people. You are attracted to that soul and know that there is your need in that avoidance. Even if you don't know what that need is, but you want to explore, you know that the other person is approaching you because you are attracted to him, and the other person is pushing you away because he is protecting himself. You understand that in this long journey of life, no matter who you meet and who you hold hands with, it is only a journey, and nothing is eternal. Are you willing to accompany him to walk parallel for such a while, cherish it if you can intersect, and wish him well if you can't. Then you can watch and listen to it.
What about the first stage, and many family members who avoid contact, what is the reason why they can't let go and let go? At the beginning, you can feel that this person really loves you, this person is gentle and powerful, affectionate and unboundary. You may even wonder if you saved the galaxy in your last life and met true love. This state generally lasts for three or four months or half a year, and at this time you will find that some things seem to have become different, and the other party seems to be like a different person, and the contrast between before and after is too great to make you confused.