How to get along with people with avoidant personalities, respectively.
The first, second, third and fourth parts are explained.
As a result, you are caught up in an endless quest for confirmation and searching, making demands again and again, constantly communicating, looking for the root cause of the problem. However, the other party is like an insurmountable barrier, avoiding your demands. Your relationship becomes cat-and-mouse, full of pushing, pulling, and chasing, until the other person eventually disappears from your sight, leaving only endless confusion and loss.
His avoidance behavior is actually a kind of sweetness and love that he showed you in the early days. This emotion comes from their inner longing for ideal love, and when they meet you and think that you are a perfect match for their perfect lover image, their hearts will spring up with the desire to spend a lifetime with you. In their eyes, the love mode in movies and TV series seems to be a portrayal of real love. Therefore, they replicate the emotions in these images into the time they spend with you, trying to create a similar atmosphere.
However, all this is not the true expression of their hearts. Because deep down, they don't really have love. Their behavior is more like an imitation of emotions than a real expression of feelings. Their avoidance is actually a cover for the emptiness and indifference in their hearts.
As their emotions deepened, they began to feel an emotion they had never felt before, like a ghost in the mist, making them tremble with fear. They try to understand the nature of this emotion, only to find that it transcends all their previous perceptions of love. In their hearts, love is always portrayed as a sweet and contented picture, like the sun shining, warm and serene. But at this moment, the love they feel is like a storm that makes them feel out of control, as if they are on the verge of an abyss.
They hate the feeling as much as they hate the unknown in the dark. They hate themselves in this feeling, and they hate you even more so for the person who caused it. They long to escape, to escape from this emotion that leaves them at a loss. However, you don't know anything about all these feelings and thoughts, and you can't understand their inner struggles.
You may wonder why they have such a strong fear and aversion to love. Actually, it's not their fault. It's just that their understanding of love is too narrow, too limited to superficial sweetness and contentment. And true love, it is deep and vast, like the waves of the ocean, with both serene tenderness and violent power. Only when they are willing to face this emotion bravely and experience its ups and downs can they truly understand the nature of love, truly embrace it, and make it the most precious treasure in their lives.
In the early stage of emotion, the beautiful feeling of being as gentle as the morning light pulls you forward step by step, as if every step is stepping on the soft clouds. However, this approaching enthusiasm can destroy the otherwise stable emotional inertia like a raging storm. At this stage, their inhibitory attachment system becomes unusually sensitive, as if you are a time bomb that could detonate at any moment, causing them to flee in fear. In their eyes, you seem to have the power of destruction, so that they have to choose to stay away in order to protect themselves from being hurt again.
And once they develop a deep love for you, the relationship seems to have come to an end. Because of love, let them see your truth, but also make them feel their own vulnerability. This love, although beautiful and profound, is also like a mirror, reflecting their inner fears and insecurity. So, they chose to flee and let the relationship come to an end at its most beautiful time.
If you want to keep going, you need to start a new way of getting along with each other. This mode of getting along is that you don't think of it as your lover. Yes, you have to do enough mental construction to truly accept this qualitative change in your heart. This person has been your friend ever since, and a very ordinary friend. The key point is to really accept or let go, not to mention temporary trade-offs. You have to gather all your emotions and bury them deeply. In fact, this is not enough, you have to forget it completely. Because they have a gift for recognizing any impure motives that come close to you. In this way, you will look at each other with the standards of ordinary friends, you will not ask an ordinary friend to meet many of your requirements, you will not ask an ordinary friend to have too many connections with you, you will not pour a lot of emotions into an ordinary friend, it is very, very difficult to do this. However, you may have learned not to regard feelings as the whole of life, and you may have cultivated a lot of hobbies, which has become interesting.
You gradually devote yourself to self-learning and career pursuit, which not only exercises your deep acceptance and processing ability to deal with emotions, but also allows you to return to the original state of innocence. This change in state allowed him to breathe under invisible pressure, and gradually regained his inner peace. This kind of calm, like a tranquil lake, allows human beings' yearning for love and the nature of pursuit to slowly bloom in it.