Two days ago, I called my brother and told him that the book I sent to my niece had arrived, and it was at the courier point in front of my dad's community, asking him to tell his dad and let him have time to pick it up.
As a result, he dragged on and on, saying that he was free to get it again, I asked him why he didn't call Dad, and he said that every time he asked Dad to do something, it was very difficult, very impatient, and it was better to go by himself.
I instantly understood my brother, he was very strong and had his own opinions, and when he encountered something that did not agree with his opinion, he used to raise his voice to prove that he was right.
However, I was reminded that this was when I was in school, and when I went to college and left home, I felt more that he cared about me, and my previous impressions were all faded.
I didn't expect that my brother's impression of my dad was still like that, I didn't expect that my dad's personality was still like that, and it hadn't changed at all.
I know it's not that he doesn't love children, it's just that his character is like that.
He actually did a lot of things for us, but he didn't understand the truth of self-teaching, and when he was doing things, he would always say a lot, and even lose his temper when he didn't agree, telling his children that they were wrong, and only he was right.
The consequence of this is that my brother doesn't want to have more contact with my dad now, and suddenly feels that my dad is so pitiful.
I can't help but think of my parents-in-law, who are very attentive and patient with their children's affairs, but they are a little too enthusiastic, too arranged, and very aggressive, and they don't respect their children's opinions, and they have to listen to them when they think they are right.
What's going on?
My dad and my parents-in-law love their children very much, but they are both using actions to push their children away.
Especially my mother-in-law, who interferes too much in how we manage the children, is always angry about the children's affairs, although it is all for the good of the children, but my two children are not very close to her, and prefer grandpa.
I used to think that my mother-in-law was obviously not a bad person, but why would she be so strong to hurt others.
I've finally figured it out now, they're not bad people, they just have bad personalities.
Of course, having a bad personality is not a reason for them to hurt others.
We can't change the character of others, but we must not just complain about helplessness, for example, we can actually choose to stay away to protect ourselves.
It is said that the country is easy to change, and the temperament is difficult to change, I really believe it, no matter how much you have seen the world and how many books you have read.
For example, I found that I was a little impatient with my father, and when communicating with my children, I became impatient and would communicate violently.
I really wanted to change it, and I deliberately watched "Nonviolent Communication", but the result was that I understood the truth, and I still did it, but there was one more one, and I would reflect on it and regret it after doing it.
What to do, is there really no way to change the personality? That life is too miserable, I don't want to be like my parents, I don't want to be old and say to my children, I hurt you, but I don't have a heart.
It wasn't until I read the book "The Way of Learning" that the reason why I was impatient was because I didn't set a "soft zone" for myself, but only a "hard zone".
The "hard zone" represents the need for a space for collaboration for you to work properly, you are like a dry branch, very brittle, ready to burst under pressure at any moment, and the opposite "soft zone" is the one who can calmly accept what is happening in front of you and make good use of it.
I suddenly realized that I did have such a problem, and the reason why I read so many books and understood so many truths, but still couldn't change it, was because I only understood it in my heart, and I didn't deliberately practice my "soft area" like practicing skills.
So, for the next 21 days, wouldn't it be a good idea to practice deliberately every day and meditate on the "soft zone"?