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Hilarious and exciting, I am "little him", welcome to watch "Joke Collection".
no.1、
Now when I go to my mother-in-law's house, it's like this: I'm busy in the kitchen alone, and the few of them are watching TV in the living room and laughing happily. Here's why:
Before I got married, I went to my girlfriend's house for the first time, and my mother-in-law was cooking there. I usually like to cook. “
Who knew that the mother-in-law directly put the shovel down: "That's okay, come on!" Until now and even later, as long as I go back to my mother-in-law's house, I cook, and just like that, I embarked on a road of no return to cooking.
Well, that's kind of interesting! 」
no.2、
A major hospital recruits interns, and the professor gives students a question for them to answer.
The professor asked, "What do you do if I get stung by a bee?" “
A said, "Just go back and apply some wind oil essence."
B said: "In addition to the wind oil essence, prescribe some medicine and bring it back to reduce inflammation!" ”
C said: "It's terrible, you have to take a B-ultrasound, take an electrocardiogram, and you must stay in the hospital for observation for a few days, otherwise the result will be very serious!" ”
In the end, C was admitted!
It's actually a not very humorous quiz joke, but it satirizes something! Not long ago, I went to the pharmacy to buy medicine because my arm was infected with bacteria. But as soon as I entered the store, the staff told me that you have to eat and wipe it together to have an effect, and recommended a new product to me, saying that it is good and effective, and I thought it was good at the time, so I agreed. I dropped a good job, I spent more than 100 at the checkout, the key is to go back to do more than ten days did not do a good job, I later went to another pharmacy to buy the previous kind of rubbing medicine, three days to be fine, only more than 20 yuan, now think about it is really a pit! 」
no.3、
One day in the cafeteria, there was a couple of men and women, sitting opposite each other, intimate with each other, and feeding from time to time. At this time, the girl's ** rang, the girl took out her mobile phone, frowned, and answered the **, a dozen for nearly ten minutes, and finally the girl said impatiently, I'm still eating, hang up. After hanging up **, men and women began to have a dialogue, which was as follows: Male: Your husband. Woman: Well, it's annoying, real ink man: That's it, your husband is too mother-in-law, and my wife is not as inky as him. F: Cut! I said, it's still a bit thundery.
no.4、
I took my daughter back to her parents' house, and when I went home in the afternoon, my daughter cried and wanted to stay at her grandmother's house for the night, I was afraid that my daughter would make trouble with her parents at night, so I said to my daughter: If you don't leave today, I won't pick you up tomorrow! My daughter wiped her tears and said to my mother: Grandma, I'd better go! I haven't eaten a lot of snacks at home, I'm afraid my mother will steal them for me!
no.5、
My sons are six years old and don't want to sleep alone at night.
That night he pestered his wife again, and I said to him viciously, "Boy, there can't be a second man in this bed, understand?" ”
The son blinked and was about to cry, but the wife hurriedly said: "Don't cry, son, your father is right, let's let him get out!" ”
Oops, my mother, you're picking up a stone and hitting yourself in the foot - laughing at me! 」
no.6、
The husband spent a lot of money and bought a computer for his wife.
When I opened the package, I saw a questionnaire attached to it, and the question was: "What prompted you to buy this product?" ”
Without even thinking about it, my husband wrote on the questionnaire: "Nag, a whole year of nagging." ”
no.7、
At my brother's place on the weekend, at noon, my brother and sister-in-law didn't talk about eating, and my stomach was rumbling with hunger, but I was too embarrassed to speak.
So I thought of a plan, holding my little niece who had just been born, I touched her little face and said to myself loudly: "Oh, this little face is tender and smooth and meaty, the same as the egg white, look at this little arm fat and round, like a lotus root with the skin removed, and this little foot is as fat as a pig's trotter ......."”
At this time, my sister-in-law quickly picked up the child and looked at me vigilantly and said, "Are you hungry, there are still some leftovers in the pot......”
Hehe, I'm just waiting for your words, sister-in-law.
As soon as I finished eating, my brother said to my sister-in-law: "Daughter-in-law, it's almost one o'clock, and you will go out to eat hot pot at one o'clock, are you busy!" “
Hearing my brother say this, I burst into tears at the time, woo, I also want to eat hot pot, but a big bowl of cold rice makes me a little sick now!
It's been like this for a long time! 」
no.8、
We have a dumpling restaurant near here, and business is booming, and many people come here to eat dumplings, and many people are watching. I also joined in the fun to check it out, and when I looked closer, I realized that these people were queuing up to do push-ups. The owner of the dumpling restaurant said, "Whoever can do 100 push-ups in a row can eat big dumplings for free!" "Since then I've been home and doing push-ups hard! Three months later, I finally reached the standard, and I came to the dumpling restaurant with pride, and the dumpling restaurant was closed!
no.9、
Don't take millions of dollars to show off your wealth in front of me, I take hundreds of millions of dollars to work on the subway every day, am I showing off my wealth? I am walking on the provincial road where the state has invested billions, am I proud? Ma Yun is rich enough, he hasn't seen me before, Wang Sicong is rich enough, right? Don't you know me too? Also, I have long-term business contacts with large state-owned enterprise banks such as China Construction, Industry and Commerce, and Agriculture, and I have communication contacts with hundreds of billions of enterprises China Mobile and Unicom, did I say? I'm such a cow! There is no way. I want to keep a low profile, but the strength doesn't allow it!
no.10、
A rare opportunity to go on a business trip with a very punctual female colleague in the company. In the evening, I found a hotel, ready to stay, when I entered the door and asked the boss that there was only one room, so I found the next one, and I said to the boss: "Open two rooms......He winked vigorously at the boss ......The boss looked like a smart person, and said regretfully: "I'm sorry, there is only one room." ”
I pretended to be helpless and said to my female colleague, "There is only one room, what should I do?" ”
The female colleague was a little embarrassed and said, "Then open one, you can ......."”
Without waiting for her to finish, I hurriedly said, "Don't worry, I'm a decent man ...... gentleman."”
The female colleague then said, "Can you go to the hotel just now ......?"”
Yes! What an operation! I want to cry without tears, woo! 」
---end--- This article is a plain text funny paragraph, only for entertainment, if there is bad guidance, please understand!
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