If more loved ones have disowned you, it is a sign that you have one of the following three conditions.
Perhaps, like me, you have been less and less in contact with your loved ones in the past few years.
Maybe our relatives were cold to us first, or maybe we ourselves were cold to our loved ones first.
Social interaction is the result of the joint efforts of two people, and breaking up friendship is also an option.
Think about it, why do close relatives contact so often? This may not only be due to the snobbery of our loved ones, but more likely due to our own special circumstances.
The rich and the poor go": People feel that they are worthless, and their relatives hate them.
For example, during the Song Dynasty, Lu Mengzheng was expelled from the family by his father and lived with his mother in a cold brick house.
During the Spring Festival, there are very few relatives in the family, and everyone is afraid of being infected with "poverty".
However, after Lu Meng was admitted to the Jinshi, everyone in the family came over to congratulate him, and even the distant relatives were smiling.
Lu Mengzheng recalled the events of the year and sighed: "Last year was a famine, there was no food, many relatives were watching from the sidelines, and none of them could help." ”
Wang Anshi advocated reform and won many supporters of him, including famous figures such as Shen Kuo.
However, when he was demoted to prime minister, there was not even a person to say goodbye.
Wang Anshi once wrote a poem: "A few plum blossoms in the corner of the house, Ling Han is lonely." "When a person is at the lowest point, it is like a blooming flower, no matter how strong and fragrant it is, it is also lonely.
To a certain extent, there is indeed a relationship between the number of relatives and the value of the individual.
But if you are a person with status, wealth, and power, even if you are not social, you will have relatives and friends who will come to you. Although you may reject juniors, since you are seniors, you naturally have to give some face.
On the other hand, when you become unemployed, or when you are at a low ebb for a long time, your loved ones will leave you.
There is such a sentence in the Analects of Politics: There is no dispute between the gentleman and the villain, and the dispute between the villain is all-encompassing. 」
Gentlemen respect each other like guests, and villains bully each other. Part of the reason why your relatives reject you may be that they are cautious people, but you only see these things, and it does not affect them.
In fact, when a person does something illegal, his relatives will immediately stay away from him when they know about it. A person can refrain from participating in any activities, but must not violate any of the rules and must not do something illegal with other people.
Therefore, if a loved one has disowned you, you should reflect on yourself as soon as possible to see what you can improve. Have you ever received assistance from a loved one but can't stand on your own. Don't always complain that your relatives are cold to you.
This is a meaningful thought process that helps us understand the causes of "breaking up" and how to improve it.
Those who do not want to associate with others are also alienated from their kinship.
If you visited a loved one three years ago, but that loved one never showed kindness or sent a relative to visit you, you would be suspicious. At the very least, you may give up going to a relative's house and slowly distance yourself from that connection.
On the contrary, if a loved one has been visiting you for three years and you turn a blind eye to him, then the relationship will also end.
My mom's cousin worked in the Ministry of Education. Although her family often receives some relatives with status, including our family, she rarely goes to other relatives and does not provide any practical help. In her opinion, these people are coming for her.
In the past two years, my mother's cousin's house has been deserted. It's not that her status is low, it's not that her identity is not enough, but her lofty posture makes everyone afraid to approach her.
The so-called "there are losses and wins", when getting along with relatives, we must suffer a little grievance in a timely manner and give a little benefit, so as to maintain the integrity of the family. But in the long run, would you do? Are you willing to endure such humiliation?
If you are always cold to your relatives and friends, do not return the courtesy, and do happy events instead of funerals, after a long time, the favor will be gone, and your relatives will treat you as strangers.
to govern others the way they should be", this is a truth that everyone understands. However, don't feel that you are very meaningful, you must make everyone obey you, and it is also necessary for you to share your own values with fellow relatives.
on a different path": to keep your own colors and stay away from your loved ones.
During the Spring Festival, he returned to his hometown from Shanghai and told his relatives and friends that he was studying at the bus college.
The aunt looked disdainful: "It's just an academy with a car, what's so strange." ”
This remark made everyone laugh, but the cousin's expression changed slightly.
Indeed, an elderly college student and an elderly man really have no common language.
More often than not, relatives will go their separate ways because of their respective life trajectories and their respective cities, and it is only a matter of time before they lose contact.
Although they are blood relatives, this does not mean that they are all in the same circle and are not members of the same society.
Unconsciously, there are significant differences between relatives based on factors such as income, knowledge, and pattern.
If you are in a high position, you may not be happy to associate with lower family members; And those with low status, don't blame those relatives who are high up, because they are likely to ignore you.
This spiritual gap far exceeds space and time.
That's right, when you lose contact with your loved ones, you may have to go alone to find your loved ones.
In today's economic climate, individuals are becoming more and more independent. When it comes to things that can be handled with money, we often try not to use the word "feelings". This makes it easier for people to pursue their own interests, to make emotional concessions, and to integrate too much with the group.
As Rabindranath Tagore said, "The closer you get, the farther the road becomes; There is no distraction, close but distant; It's only one step away, but it's already coming to an end. ”
When the distance between us and our loved ones is getting farther and farther away, we need to distinguish between the real sense of distance and the apparent sense of distance.
Not having a long-term relationship with your loved ones does not mean that you have broken off your relationship. Maybe when you are in trouble, those relatives who have not been in touch for years will still help you.
Relatives who are really disconnected often quarrel when they meet, treat you as an outsider for their own benefit, and make up their minds not to associate with you. That's the break-up.
The relationship between relatives is in line with the old saying: "The momentum of heaven and earth must be united for a long time, and they must be divided for a long time." "Don't take family affection seriously, otherwise you will be the last one to be sad.
Treat each other with courtesy, treat each other with courtesy; For those who don't like you, learn to be indifferent.