Educator Cai Yuanpei said"The family is the first school of life." ”
When we are in our fifties and our children have grown up, we seem to let go of our children to fly freely, but we are still concerned in every way, and we know everything about our children.
While worrying about children, we must also face the situation that children are looking for a partner, and it is urgent to change the way of education.
When children reach the age of 30 in a flash, it is really "stay and stay and stay and become sorrowful".
As the saying goes, "Habit becomes nature." "A good habit can make people find good, and they can also find the right person.
To form good habits, you have to throw away bad habits.
Therefore, it is recommended that parents and children throw away the following habits in time, so that it will be easier for children to find a partner and step into the palace of marriage.
Throw away the habit of "following the map" and have a flexible mindset.
Before the children find a partner, the family deliberates and sets a basic framework.
For example, a girl who graduated from a university is looking for a height of 1.8 meters; monthly income of more than 10,000 yuan; have a house and a car; No bad habits; Both parents have regular jobs; A boy who is five years older than himself.
At first glance, the requirements of girls are not high, but against the standards, it is really difficult to find the right one. Perhaps, a boy is good at everything, but he doesn't earn enough; For a boy, five or six conditions are met, but the height is not enough, only 1.7 meters.
Conditions are rigid, people are flexible.
How many women are looking for a man who is older than themselves at first, but later marries a man who is younger than themselves; At first, I was looking for a man with a stable job, but later I married a businessman, and my income was up and down.
Sometimes, it doesn't matter if you meet someone who meets the eye, but the conditions don't match. The most important thing is to be happy with each other and struggle together.
There are too many conditions, but it has become an "invisible prison" for marriage. At any time, it is right to regard conditions as "relative things", or even "set posts according to people".
Throw away the habit of "bride price is face" and take the initiative to lower your posture.
Look at your neighbors, relatives, friends, and their daughters, all of whom asked for a bride price of 200,000 yuan, and when they got married, the scenery was beautiful, and the wedding was particularly grand.
There are some parents who are not bad for money, but ask for a lot of dowry, so that they can buy a lot of dowry, or buy a lot of jewelry, which reflects the face of marriage.
It seems that 200,000 is really not much, but for families at the bottom of the society and young men who have just entered the society, it is really an astronomical amount.
What's even more terrifying is that after demanding men to buy a house, they have to ask for a large amount of bride price.
The money to buy a house is borrowed, how can you still raise a bride price?
A relative of mine, who has been driving a taxi for many years, also has some savings. When the daughter gets married, the man worries about the bride price. The wife of a relative, but she did not give an inch.
Relatives secretly contacted the "prospective son-in-law" and transferred more than 100,000 yuan to the "prospective son-in-law", saying: "Make you a bride price." ”
In this way, relatives and "prospective sons-in-law" came to a routine of hiding from the world, and the wedding was held as scheduled.
What is the essence of the bride price?It is for the sake of the children's life in the future. If you think about it in the long run, it is to give your children as capital for life development, rather than "face".
Whether it is the bride price, the house, the car, the scale of the wedding banquet, etc., it should not be an obstacle to finding a partner. Throw away the habit of loving face, cherish the inside, and life will be steady.
Throw away the habit of "staring at each other" and learn to look at yourself.
Human eyes are bright and can see an ant clearly. But people's eyes are used to looking at others, not at themselves.
is obviously a lazy girl, but she is looking for a boy with a monthly income of 50,000;is clearly a self-funded man who has no job to find a job, but he wants to find a white rich beauty.
When looking for a partner, you don't have to be the right person, but don't put on a "high-matching" posture, you should weigh yourself at the beginning, and lower yourself appropriately.
During the Northern Song Dynasty, the young Su Xun wandered around and did not seek progress. His wife, Mrs. Cheng, is a famous family, but she did not climb high or low.
Mrs. Cheng knew that she was "getting married", but by constantly encouraging Su Xun to study, educate her children well, and make the family prosperous.
The ancients said, "If you can bend and stretch out your husband." "It's the same with women.
As long as you find a person with backbone, someone who can become good for yourself, the grievances will be for a while, and happiness will be there for the rest of your life.
Instead of being harsh on each other, it is better to be yourself and build a nest to attract phoenixes.
Throw away the habit of "parents are the biggest" and truly fall in love freely.
In ancient times, most marriages were the orders of parents and the words of matchmakers.
In a flash, we entered the era of free love. However, children still habitually ask their parents' opinions about marriage, which is a manifestation of filial piety.
What about parents? was too careful about finding a partner for his children, which led to some romances that fell apart before they really began.
Ask yourself, parents are not children, not parties in love, how can they judge that there is no good ending?
There are really too many parents who beat mandarin ducks.
Bai Juyi of the Tang Dynasty fell in love with the neighbor's girl Xiangling since he was a child.
However, Bai Juyi's mother refused to live or die. thinks that the girl will hinder Bai Juyi from gaining fame.
Facts have proved that with the passage of time, Bai Juyi has not forgotten Xiangling, but has missed it more and more, leaving regrets.
"Sending Xiang Ling" wrote: "The tears in the eyes are cold and frozen, and they turn back every time they pass through a high place." Knowing that after saying goodbye to the west building, you should rely on the railing to worry alone. ”and Lu You in the Southern Song Dynasty, who married Tang Wan, but was broken up by his mother, leaving a lifetime of regrets.
For the marriage of their children, parents should analyze rationally, and more often, do a good job as a "booster", praise more, and sing less decline.
There is a line in "Astringent Girl": "There is no marriage in the world where two people have the same amount of love, and it is always one of them that has more love than the other to conform to the law of marriage." ”The so-called true love is not that the other party loves you more, but that you love each other more and compromise more for the sake of marriage.
Taking the initiative to love someone and lowering yourself appropriately is more reliable than waiting for a love with your toes on your toes.
As a parent, you should be the creator of the template for your children to find a partner, or you can be the one who dismantles the template.
As a child, develop good habits, naturally show love, and everything will fall into place.