My name is Lao Wang, I am 58 years old and I am from Shanghai.
A year ago, I pitifully lost my wife, making me, a man who had already entered middle age, a widower in an instant.
Life after my wife left was indeed not easy, I lived alone, and I felt the torment of loneliness and loneliness.
We've been married for 20 years, and I'm used to having my partner by my side.
Her departure filled my life with a great emptiness.
Honey, you must miss me in heaven. ”
Every day before going to bed, I would reverently fold my hands and pray to the bed of my empty other half.
I know that my wife has left me forever and cannot come back.
I had to learn to live alone and find the joy of life again.
Ah Wang, it's too hard and difficult to live alone, why don't we go to the dance hall and have a look, maybe we can find a little girl to accompany you.
You are not yet 60 years old, you are in the prime of life, and it is good to find a confidant to be your companion. ”
One day, my old friend Uncle Zhang came to see me and made this suggestion.
It's so lonely to live alone, and if you can find a soulmate, maybe it can really make life interesting again.
Well, tonight we have time, let's go to the ballroom. ”
I agreed to Uncle Zhang's suggestion.
That night, I dressed up carefully and followed Uncle Zhang to a dance hall in Hongkou.
The dance floor is filled with psychedelic lights, and the dancing men and women exude an enthusiastic and unrestrained atmosphere.
I'm a little nervous, I haven't been to this kind of place in years.
But Uncle Zhang seemed to be at ease, walked straight to the bar, ordered two glasses of wine, and then pulled me to a private room.
Come, Wang, have a glass of wine and then we'll try our luck on the dance floor! Uncle Zhang said as he pushed the wine glass in front of me.
I smiled and carefully took a sip of the spirit.
The spicy liquid slid down my throat and I felt my courage really increase.
Go ahead and try your luck! I said to myself.
plucked up the courage and followed Uncle Zhang into the lively dance floor.
On the dance floor, men and women in various costumes danced, and the warm atmosphere infected me.
It's like going back to when I was younger, I used to dance on the dance floor and spend passionate evenings with my partner.
Thinking of my wife, I can't help but feel a little distracted.
At this moment, a tall short-haired girl walked up to me and stretched out the wine glass in her hand: "Handsome guy, let's dance together?" I came back to my senses and looked at the girl in front of me with some surprise and a smile.
She looks like she's only in her 20s, ** white, and her double dimples are cute when she laughs.
yes, yes. ”
I nodded a little embarrassed, approached the girl, and danced with her to the rhythm of **.
On the dance floor, with the ups and downs, I danced intimately with this strange girl.
I didn't feel a little uncomfortable with such an intimate encounter with the opposite sex in years, but I also had a sense of excitement that I hadn't felt in a long time.
Call me Xiaofang, handsome guy, your dancing is awesome! The girl whispered in my ear.
Thank you, my name is Lao Wang. ”
I replied. We glanced at each other, smiles continued to bloom on our lips, and we continued to dance with **.
After the dance, Xiaofang pulled me to the booth, and the two of them chatted while drinking.
While chatting, she stretched out her hand and gently touched my hand, blinking at me with big bright eyes: "Uncle Wang, you are tall, handsome, and I like your type."
Do you want to go out and play often? "I was a little surprised, I didn't expect to meet such an active little girl when I first came to the ballroom.
I knew that this might be a good opportunity to fill the void in my heart, so I plucked up the courage to say to her: "Okay, Xiaofang, I've been quite lonely lately, if you don't dislike me as an old man, let's go out and play often!" Xiaofang clapped her hands happily, and we exchanged ***
This night, I was so happy that I couldn't sleep, and my mind was full of thoughts about this beautiful and lively little girl.
I seem to see the dawn of a new life, and my heart is thrilled.
Later, Xiaofang and I started dating frequently.
Every Wednesday and Friday night, I pick her up at Xiaofang's rented office and take her shopping, eating or watching a movie.
Xiaofang is a very energetic girl, every time we meet, she will smile and hold my hand, and the "Uncle Wang" in her mouth is affectionate and sweet.
I will also care about her life and help her solve problems.
When dating, Xiaofang often likes her favorite dresses, shoes, bags, etc., but she hesitates and still doesn't buy them.
I knew that her family was not good, so I would quietly pay for her whenever she wasn't paying attention.
Seeing her happily holding her favorite goods, I also felt like I was taking care of my own daughter, and my heart was full of love.
I will also take care of Xiaofang's diet and daily life, and often prepare nutritious supplements for her, for fear that her body will not be able to bear it.
Xiaofang also warmly reciprocated my concern, often sending me small snacks or scarves made by herself, which made me feel the warmth of being cared for for a long time.
In the days I spent with Xiaofang, I felt a lot younger.
The long-lost enthusiasm and excitement filled my heart again.
I will dress up carefully for fear that Xiaofang will think that I am an old man outdated and rustic.
I also often laugh at myself, how can an old man in his fifties and sixties have the qualifications to pamper a little girl in his early twenties.
But every time I see Xiaofang's sweet smiling face and her dependence on me, this inferiority complex will disappear again.
Maybe love has nothing to do with age, and I'm also qualified to pursue happiness.
In this way, my relationship with Xiaofang quickly warmed up in frequent dates.
One day, Xiaofang suddenly wrapped her arms around me, leaned her head on my shoulder, and said softly: "Uncle Wang, we have been together for a while, will you like me a little too?" My heart was pounding, and I quickly patted her hand and replied: "Silly girl, you, Uncle Wang, have long liked you, but I don't dare to say it!" "Yay! I knew you liked me too! Xiao Fang clapped her hands happily and shouted, then leaned over and kissed me on the cheek: "Lao Wang, I am willing to be with you, let's be together!" I felt like I was sitting on a cloud, and I quickly took Xiaofang's hand and said, "Okay, okay, let's be together!" I will always love you.
Since then, Xiaofang and I have formalized our relationship.
We will walk on the seawall at night and enjoy the beauty of oldies together.
I would put my arm around Fang's shoulders and listen to her lingering words of love.
In the moonlight, Xiao Fang's eyes were only the reflection of me.
I would give her a different gift every day, for fear that she would be a little unhappy.
I even had a house ready for her to move in with after graduation and start our cohabitation life.
I know that I am completely crazy for Xiaofang, but I can't help myself, I just want to bring her happiness.
With my love for Xiaofang, I rediscovered my purpose in life and grew old with her.
However, I soon realized that the relationship might not be as rosy as I thought it would be.
At the beginning, Xiaofang greeted me with a smile and became a confidant little girlfriend.
But since we established our relationship, she has become more and more demanding and materialistic.
One day on a date, Xiao Fang suddenly said: "Lao Wang, the bag you gave me last time is outdated, and my classmates say that it looks very rustic." ”
I was a little surprised, but still smiled and said, "Okay, then we'll go buy you a new bag over the weekend." ”
Later, Xiaofang mentioned: "Other classmates and their families will buy cars for them, and I still take the bus to class every day, which is very inconvenient." ”
I prevaricated and smiled and replied, "Well......."Buying a car, this needs to be considered. ”
However, Xiaofang's requests became more and more frequent, and she began to explicitly and implicitly mention how good her classmates were, implying that I was "at a loss" for her.
My smile faded and my mind swelled up with doubts - is this little girl taking advantage of me? One day, I asked Xiaofang to go to a high-end restaurant for dinner, wanting to surprise her.
However, she looked at the menu and pouted, "That's all?" I thought Lao Wang would book a private room and order a big lobster or something. ”
My heart felt cold, but I still kept smiling and said, "The food here is already good, we can taste it slowly." ”
Xiao Fang's face immediately became angry, she slammed down the menu, and said in a dissatisfied tone: "I knew that you were just a poor bastard with no money!" It's a waste of time to be with you! "I was so amazed that I was speechless.
It turned out that in her eyes, I was just an ATM to please her, and once she couldn't meet her demands, she would become ruthless and put on a show against me.
Xiaofang, I'm very good to you, but you only seem to care about my money. ”
Forget it, don't come to me in the future, I have better suitors.
Bye-bye! Xiao Fang shook her hand and left, leaving me to sit alone in the dining room sadly.
I stared blankly at her distant back, tears streaming down my face.
It turned out that everything was just wishful thinking on my part, and I was self-inflicted.
I couldn't have been happier for the rest of the day.
I gave Xiaofang a ** greeting, and she found a reason to hang up; I went to her house to look for her, and she directly asked the security guard to stop me and not let me in.
I know that she has forgotten about me, a useless old man, and is looking for the next person who can bring her benefits.
I looked at the gray-haired old man in the mirror and laughed self-deprecatingly.
I naively thought that money could bridge the gap between my age, and I didn't think I could bring happiness to a young girl.
Reality has inexorably taught me a lesson and reminded me to stop fantasizing about unrealistic things.
Then again, when my wife was still alive, my life was so happy.
Now I finally understand that I was in a hurry to fill the emptiness in my heart, so I blindly looked for an unsuitable partner.
I shouldn't fall into the river of disrespect because I'm lonely, and I shouldn't pile up fragile feelings with money and gifts.
After reflection, I decided to let go of my thoughts about Xiaofang and live my old age well.
I have to learn to live for myself and not rely on the love of others.
I'm still young and I can live a meaningful life.
I believe that as long as I face it positively and optimistically, I can live a full and dignified life as a widower.
After breaking up with Xiaofang, I fell into unprecedented pain and self-blame.
Every night, I faced the darkness alone, and my mind was full of the back of Xiao Fang's departure.
I tortured myself all the time, what qualifications does an old man have to expect from a young girl's sincerity? I was just self-inflicted, and reality woke me up mercilessly.
Lao Wang, you should live honestly alone, don't be delusional. ”
However, having said that, it is still difficult to actually do it.
Accustomed to the days when Xiaofang was by his side, once he was the only one left, the loneliness became even stronger.
Sometimes in the dead of night, I will unconsciously pick up my phone and find Xiaofang's ** to watch.
* She smiled so sweetly that I couldn't help but imagine how nice it would be if we could finally come together.
No, no, don't think about it! "I bothered myself to stop myself from thinking any more.
This little girl has forgotten you, and you must forget her too, a voice in my heart told me.
In order to stop thinking about Xiaofang, I began to actively participate in some activities organized by the community, trying to fill my life through various affairs.
I took part in a magic class and learned some simple poker tricks; I also signed up for a community-run Go tournament; Even when the community opened a free Tai Chi class, I went to sign up for it as soon as possible.
However, none of these activities helped me much.
When I took Tai Chi class, I still couldn't help but imagine Xiaofang's appearance; During the rehearsal of the Go match, I was distracted and thought of Xiaofang and my intimacy.
It's good to have one of your own. ”
After a community event, an aunt leaned over to me and said.
What is good, it is worse than being alone. ”
I said self-deprecatingly.
It's not easy for you, but you have time to come to our house another day? "Auntie wanted to speak and stopped, but she still didn't directly break my sadness.
I smiled and didn't speak, knowing that it would be difficult to fool my sadness.
A person is lonely after all, let alone just experienced a painful breakup.
And just like that, I spent long, melancholy days.
Until one day, I opened the notepad that my wife left me before her death and saw a passage she gave me: "Honey, I may have left you by the time you read this letter.
We had a wonderful youth, and I am grateful to fate for giving me such a wonderful life.
If I'm gone, don't be too sad.
Remember, since the heavens have given you a second life, there will be another wonderful story for you to experience.
I will bless you in heaven. ”
After reading my wife's letter, I wept bitterly.
It turned out that she had long wanted me to start over, instead of falling into sadness.
I realized my mistake and made up my mind to let go of the past and live the life I have now.
Early the next morning, I went to my wife's grave and reverently laid down a bouquet of flowers: "My dear, I understand.
I will live every wonderful story for the rest of my life as you expect.
Please rest assured, I will live happily. ”
I remembered the promise my wife had left me, and I was determined to start anew and live each day positively.
I started volunteering in the community and helping others as much as I could.
I participated in the community clean-up activities, cleaning the streets with other volunteers, planting flowers and trees, and making our living environment better.
I also signed up as a volunteer lecturer for community reading activities, using my rich life experience to tell children stories from classic books and help them establish a correct worldview.
I also find time to participate in the community's companionship activities for the elderly who live alone, and regularly visit those who live alone, listen to their life stories, and bring love and warmth to them.
I have found that giving love does not make me more lonely, but rather makes me feel that my life has meaning again.
It turns out that instead of waiting for the love of others, it is a more wonderful experience to take the initiative to love others.
Participating in these volunteer activities also allowed me to meet a lot of like-minded friends.
I got to know Mr. Li and worked with him to set up the community's micro-wish book corner; I met Aunt Ma and became a partner of the community charity kitchen with ......With these friends, I no longer feel lonely, and we all work hard and dedicate ourselves to a common ideal.
On one occasion, the community held a talent contest for the elderly.
I bravely participated in the speech contest and told the story of my journey from despair to regaining my confidence, and won second place.
The applause and cheers of my peers in the audience were the best reward for my change.
I regained my inner peace.
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I no longer toss and turn, but quietly recalls the moments of participating in public welfare activities during the day.
I would recall the expressions on the faces of the children listening to my stories with relish, the gratitude of the elderly who lived alone holding my hand and saying "thank you", and then falling asleep sweetly.
I have learned that happiness in life does not lie in being cared for, but in taking the initiative to care for others.
Through all these experiences, I saw new possibilities in life.
I embarked on a culinary journey and worked hard to create delicious dishes; I rekindled my love for painting in my youth, trying to capture the beauty in front of me with my brush; I rediscovered the pleasures that had been lost in my life for a long time, and felt the power of small blessings.
Tomorrow will be a brand new day.
I want to keep enriching my life and making every day count.
For I know that my deceased wife will always look upon me, and that I will be the light of her pride.